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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    185

    Talking Ate without washing my hands

    Posting this because I'm trembling in fear at what I've just done. But hey! I'll start from the beginning

    I wrote down a list of things I'll be able to do once I overcome my fear:

    Go back to school
    Get a job
    Enjoy waking up
    Be able to look forward to tomorrow
    Perform on stage/pursue piano career
    Travel places
    Enjoy days out (bowling, movies etc)
    Visit friends and family
    Be comfortable around boyfriend
    Take up new hobbies/sports (drama, swimming, tennis)
    Be happy every day
    Not be scared, have no panic attacks
    Could take care of people when they're sick
    Go out whenever I want, not just when I'm certain I'm not sick
    Eat at restaurants
    Make plans and look forward to them instead of dreading them

    So there we have it. I know that overcoming this fear will mean I can do every one of these things. So I'm starting my exposure therapy. I'm not waiting for the 'perfect moment' to start, because it'll never come! I'm meeting my boyfriend in 2 days and spending time at his house, and knowing this I just made and ate toast without washing my hands. The only time in the past 9 years that I ate without washing my hands, I vomited 2 days later. Let's kick this fear's ass. THE FEAR IS GOOD. (I'm so hyped up on adrenaline from doing that right now, sorry).

    Will keep y'all updated A few months of terror for a lifetime of happiness is so darn worth it.

    Edit: I also did this knowing about 3 people who've been sick in the past 2 weeks.

    Last edited by Claire-; 10-27-2014 at 07:00 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: Ate without washing my hands

    Hi I must say, it seems like torture to me No... I believe that when a person is so dedicated and just decided to overcome this fear and when they even start with few steps, it's perfect for them. Hold on. You'll make it, because you've already started. Not waiting for the perfect moment, I like it. Good luck!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    185

    Default Re: Ate without washing my hands

    Thank you so much Radum. It is quite hard - I keep going over scenarios in my head where I vomit at my boyfriend's because of this. I just ate another slice of toast and still hadn't washed my hands. I'm so certain I'm going to catch noro and suddenly vomit at his house, but that's okay. I feel happy already. For the first time since I got the fear I feel like I could actually be rid of it! I hope I catch something this winter. I know I will be absolutely terrified but you have to be to get past the fear! Just posting this because once I'm better someone else might be inspired to read it and take that first step. Or it might just be fun to read :3 xx Thank you!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    471

    Default Re: Ate without washing my hands

    Really inspiring! keep going

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    185

    Default Re: Ate without washing my hands

    Thanks Ana! I felt so great after I did this and now I'm not feeling so good again, but I'll keep going. My boyfriend came over yesterday and I spent the whole day with him without getting anxious. I didn't go to his house, but I'm still proud of myself for what I did achieve!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    185

    Default Re: Ate without washing my hands

    I'm so scared. But I think that's good, right? The next few months are going to be very scary but I'm not backing out now just because I'm feeling vulnerable.

    Things I've done in the past few days:

    Got on a bus to my boyfriend's
    Dried my hands using the middle of a hand towel instead of the corner
    Eaten several times without washing my hands (or if I forgot and washed them by mistake, I ran around the house touching things to make them dirty before I ate XD)
    Watched vomiting videos on Youtube
    Ate chocolate at 2am when I felt sick because I was certain I would be sick if I did. I wasn't.

    Things I'll be doing in the future:

    Eating chicken prepared by my boyfriend in a meal on Friday
    Getting on the bus Friday and staying on til the last stop instead of getting off on the second to last one
    Eating meat at a restaurant in a couple of weeks instead of going for 'safe' food like soup or pasta

    I feel like posting this might make me feel a bit better as I'm SO BLOODY SCARED RIGHT NOW ARGH XD I'm gonna get sick, I know it! It's winter for goodness' sake and I'm running around touching surfaces before I eat my food. I feel sick constantly right now. Ahhhh this had better cure my emet. xD

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    185

    Default Re: Ate without washing my hands

    I don't want to go

    I really really don't want to go.

    Bus journey.. meat cooked by someone else.. nope.. nope nope nope.

    Will let you know how it goes

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    109

    Default Re: Ate without washing my hands

    You'll be okay! I work in retail handling money and clothes people have tried on and I often get food from the food court without washing my hands (ok so maybe my emetophobia is mild compared to yours, but still can get bad) and I've never gotten s*! I haven't v*ed since I was 13 (anxiety related)

 

 

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