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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    New York City
    Posts
    3

    Default Roommate problems

    Hi I'm new to this website but recently I've needed some help... I went away to college this year and I'm dorming. This worried me at first because I would have to have communal bathrooms and a roommate. My roommate goes out to clubs a lot and drinks. This didn't bother me too much at first but last week she came back at 4:30 and woke me up as she walked in, our sides of the room are divided by a tapestry so I can never see what she's doing, I can only hear noises. (I think this adds to my anxiety though because every noise she makes starts to panic me and I assume she is going to get sick.) Anyway, I heard her bumping around her garbage can and then I distinctly heard her getting sick. I tried to put headphones in and ignore it but I couldn't. I asked her if she was getting sick and she said yes. I then tried to disguise my fear as concern and asked her if she was ok, and she said "I'm fine". Then I couldn't take being trapped in a room with her anymore so I told her I was going for a walk (at 4:30am lol) and left. I went to a work room and slept on an uncomfortable couch for a couple hours and then just messed around on my phone trying to take my mind off of it but I just couldn't. The sound of her getting sick traumatized me. I dreaded going back into that room to get ready for class but eventually I gained enough courage to enter the room. After i quickly got ready I also packed my bags so that after my classes I could immediately go home. I spent the rest of the week at home recovering and then I returned sunday night. I couldn't sleep in that room anymore because even though she wasn't drunk every tossing, turning, breathing, water-drinking noise she makes freaks me out! I have such a hard time getting to sleep and sometimes I even wait for the sunrise so that I can get up early and leave the room. I can only imagine how much anxiety I will have when she starts going back out again and returning late. How can I talk to her about this? I wish she would at least go to the bathroom. She also has a friend who lives on campus and goes out with her so I want to ask her to stay there after a night of drinking when she feels sick. Is that too much to ask? It's just that Ive worked so hard to get where I am now in regards to school and managing my phobia and she is negatively affecting me. I am even considering living somewhere else next semester. What should I say to her and how do I bring it up?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Philadelphia, PA
    Posts
    738

    Default Re: Roommate problems

    I think in the long run, if you face this, it will only help you. If she's a drunk, pukey loser, that's her fault. But it's nothing that you can catch. It's a completely safe exposure to face - and in doing so you will become desensitized to it. Just remind yourself that the fear isn't rational and you can be stronger than it. Don't obsess, stop letting it take over your life. Next year, just apply for another roomate. The fact that you're both on completely different "party" wavelengths is probably enough of a reason.
    -Jenni

    "Look for love and evidence that you're worth keeping." PJ

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    102

    Default Re: Roommate problems

    I believe that you should choose a moment when she is sober and lucid and tell her that her behaviour is really bothering you. I don't think that asking her to sleep somewhere else when she is drunk and sick is too much, on the contrary, it sems normal and motivated, you should do that. I have gone through that-a roommate who was bothering me because she did not help cleaning and also did not keep the room clean after I had cleaned it. It can be very consuming and it withdraws your attention from college. My advice: even if it feels difficult or weird, talk to her and fight for your comfort.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    28

    Default Re: Roommate problems

    If it really freaks you out just talk to her before she goes out.

    You don't want to offend her so be very curious. Say something like

    "Hey, ___ can we talk for a minute?"

    "I don't want you to feel bad but lately I've been getting really anxious around you when you come home from a party. I've had this problem with throwing up ever since ________ and hearing you get sick the other night gave me an anxiety attack. I know it isn't your problem but I just want you to know that it's really impacting me negatively."

    And just be nice

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    New York City
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Roommate problems

    thank you all for the help and suggestions!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Washington
    Posts
    1,347

    Default Re: Roommate problems

    Quote Originally Posted by NaiveAndTrue View Post
    I think in the long run, if you face this, it will only help you. If she's a drunk, pukey loser, that's her fault. But it's nothing that you can catch. It's a completely safe exposure to face - and in doing so you will become desensitized to it. Just remind yourself that the fear isn't rational and you can be stronger than it. Don't obsess, stop letting it take over your life. Next year, just apply for another roomate. The fact that you're both on completely different "party" wavelengths is probably enough of a reason.
    i don't know if that works for everyone. I was around plenty of sick drunk people during a time when I wasn't really emet, never became desensitized to it...

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Washington
    Posts
    1,347

    Default Re: Roommate problems

    I mean it can for some people but if she's coming home sloppy drunk every weekend it's pretty inconsiderate, I know plenty if non emet people who wouldn't want to spend the night a few feet away from someone who's being sick.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Philadelphia, PA
    Posts
    738

    Default Re: Roommate problems

    Quote Originally Posted by NicManri View Post
    i don't know if that works for everyone. I was around plenty of sick drunk people during a time when I wasn't really emet, never became desensitized to it...

    It depends on the root of your emet. If you're okay with yourself getting sick, but scared of others, then that exposure probably won't help. I'm afraid of myself getting sick personally. So when I was younger, I was scared to be around drunk people, but after many exposures with friends and at work (people g*ing because of dental impressions), my fear of others v*ing is nil, so long as it's not contagious.
    -Jenni

    "Look for love and evidence that you're worth keeping." PJ

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Washington
    Posts
    1,347

    Default Re: Roommate problems

    I don't like hearing or seeing any of it. I've had too many experiences with drunk people who don't even make an attempt to get to a garbage can or bathroom. I had one friend that was politely tell me she needed to v* in a few min and she would excuse herself. It doesn't cause me the same panic sick v* does, but I still don't want to see it

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    6

    Default Re: Roommate problems

    I had a similar problem except my roomie got a bug from the daycare she worked at and I had to sleep in the crusty ass lounge. When I woke up, people were going to their classes walking by and laughing at me. I felt like such a loser. And I really liked my room mate and I felt like such an ass for not being more sympathetic. Ugh.

 

 

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