Cant take any more :(

[Ribbons473]

This is my first post so be gentle

I have been emet for around 20 years, I am 38, but significantly more so since I had my daughters who are now 9 and 4.

I feel like such a failure that this controls and basically ruins my life to the degree it does. I am lucky enough to have an amazingly supportive husband who helps all he can but at the moment I feel so desperate and alone and spend alot of time crying, today for example both my girls have been poorly with coughs and colds which I also have and I also have bad D* and I am petrified I will V* to the point I actually thought about ending my life earlier rather than V*

Has anyone found a way to control this phobia even a little so that it doesn't completely rule your life, I have tried CBT and am saving up for Hypnotherapy, my logical mind tells me how irrational I am but I just cant seem to put it into practice.

Thanks for reading xx

[mhartse]

It always makes me sad, that (me included) we say we would rather end our life then V. But its totally relevant and real to us! It's a shame that it comes to that. I like how you said your logical mind tells you how irrational it is, but its what our minds do. Im not very good at practicing what I preach, but one thing I am learning that I say to do, is just take it slowly, a day at a time. A moment by moment. And soon you can realize that this last 5 minutes wasn't so bad. Or okay that was a shitty 30 minutes. Things DO get better. Welcome, by the way! I hope you find love and support here.

[XDark_MinxX]

You chose the right place, welcome!

Us emetophobes can relate to this, wanting to die rather than v****. I have had emetophobia since i was 9 and am now 17, it is treacherous and horrific. along the way i have discovered various techniques that can calm you down. There are loads, so ill just list the best ones that work for me.

1) Try deep breathing - this is an amazing way to feel better. Place your hand on your belly, Breathe in slowly and calmly for 5 seconds, let your belly fill with air. Hold the breathe for 6 seconds (hand still on belly) and then slowly exhale for 5 seconds. I call this the 5,6,5 method. Continue to do this until you fell a bit better.

2) Concerntration - this is probably the hardest to do, but it pays of. Concentrate completely on something unusual and tedious. Look at the wallpaper, what colour is it? is it patterned or smooth? Where did you buy it from? How long did it take to put up? Does it look relaxing? What about your cuddly toy? does it feel soft? What do the eyes feel like? Smooth? or Soft? Seems like a silly idea, but it WORKS. Continue to do this, detatch yourself from your current state and emotion and concentrate on what you think about the pretty wallpaper or the cuddly fluffy toy.

3) ASMR - this is AMAZINGLY RELAXING. Look up on youtube asmr videos. They are designed to put you into a relaxing place, giving you a nice tingly feeling in your ears. The person who presents these videos (there are loads of them, as they are becoming more popular) use or make comforting sounds, such as whispering and soflty speaking to you. They can use objects to make lovely sounds, like popping bubble wrap, or tapping plastic. very nice.

4) Binaural beats - Similar to ASMR, but with calming ambient music with gentle,slow 'wubbing' sounds. There are loads of different types to help with whatever illness or problem you have, such as ones that gets rid of headaches and even colds! ill list a few good ones below I suggest you read a little on this subject, quite hard to explain...

Anti nausea - http://youtu.be/Yy-Ba_O9y5M
Overcome panic/anxiety - http://youtu.be/1dFvc42g8CA
Depression - http://youtu.be/L8M8EBcl_VI


I hope these little tricks will help! and we are all here on this forum to help each other in times of need.
xxxxxxx

[Pigatron]

Thanks XDark_MinxX for posting links to those YouTube videos! I've never heard of them, but I just listened to the panic/anxiety one, and I think it really helps. Especially coupled with the deep breathing, which I already do regularly.

Ribbons473, welcome to the site. I'm 38 too, and I've had this phobia for about 25 years. I sympathize with wanting to die rather than V, even though to admit that sounds completely irrational and crazy. It sounds counter-intuitive, but reading up a lot on how stomach viruses are transmitted has helped me to relax a bit because I know that if I'm careful with my hand washing regimen, it keeps me significantly safer. Relaxation techniques like deep breathing also help tremendously. I wish I could say that this phobia doesn't affect my daily life, but unfortunately it does and I don't foresee a time when it won't. It changes my behavior (hand washing, not eating with my hands unless I've just washed them, not eating certain things, etc.), but I don't let it put me in a total state of anxiety all the time. Even if I feel queasy or have D*, I (try to) tell myself that I'm not really ill, am not going to V*, and there is no reason to panic.

[mdgirl1977]

I am a mom too and I know how hard it is to give everything you can to your kids and also take care of yourself, which includes addressing your fears and personal issues. I am the same age, but divorced. I am lucky that my ex is supportive though, so I can't complain.

You got some good advice here. I also feel like the world is ending when my son is sick. Just 10 days ago he v at school and I literally was a MESS. my ex had him that weekend, thank god, and he actually bleached his backpack and clothes, so I felt less scared having him at my house a few days later. What helped me was talking to my emet friends on here who actually got my fear and could "talk me down" rationally. It is very easy to spiral into a complete breakdown in the real world without an emet to talk to you. I definitely suggest keeping active on the board and reaching out to us when you need help. Kids get sick and it is awful. We get sick and it is awful. It is a scary thing to fear losing control, which is really what this is about.

Something that I try to remind myself of is this...if you (or your kids) get sick, how long is it really? Out of a year, how many times do you get sick? Ever? Even if you do, how long does it take? 30 seconds? A minute? If you break it down, it is a shockingly small percentage of time out of our lives, out of our kids lives. Yet how much time do we spend WORRYING about what takes up a tiny miniscule fraction of our lives? An insane amount! We worry, fret, freak out, and let paranoia rules our lives nearly 24/7 for something that takes up .00001% of our actual lives and our kids lives. What cost? Our kids have parents that are scared of everything, they miss out on the fun times because we are so scared of everything.

What does that mean? Well, sometimes I give in to emet and my son misses out on things, like this past weekends soccer party at a grody pizza place. But more often than not I force myself (and I mean, literally FORCE MYSELF) to take him to mud races, field trips, birthday parties at questionable facilities, etc. It is tough, I am not going to lie. I love my son more than life and I hate that my emet makes it tough for him a normal childhood. So far, he hasn't been terribly affected, but that is because I have had to FORCE myself to grit my teeth, pack hand sanitizer and live in fear for many many days. But that is what parenthood is!

Point being - it isn't easy to be an emet and to be an emet mom is one of the most difficult challenges because running from your sick kid is literally the opposite of what moms are taught they "should do". I fight that shame every time my son gets sick. Don't beat yourself up. We won't shame you. Reach out anytime and feel free to PM me anytime.

[Scaredy_Cat]

First of all, kudos to you for having been able to cope with this hellish phobia for 20 years!!!! I'm sixteen and have only been emetophobic for a few years (since last year, it ot REALLY REALLY bad), and every post I read about emetophobics who've lived with this phobia for 10 years or so never ceases to amaze me. I find you so brave, because I can only imagine how hard it must've been to deal with this crap for 20 years, let alone raise a family with it!

I understand what you're feeling. I've also sometimes thought that I'd rather end my life rather than actually vomiting; at some times during the worst of my panic attacks, when I got really nauseous, I actually fantasized about jumping out of a high window so I'd die before it could happen. But the minute I calm down I get angry at myself because if how ridiculous it seems, and really IS; the problem is it's impossible to think clearly and try to calm down when you're in such an intense state of fear, and that's something I feel no caring family member or therapist truly understands, no matter how hard they try to help.

But hang in there! You're already way ahead of me! I haven't tried anything like CBT or hypnotherapy yet; not sure it'd work for me. I do see a therapist, but we focus more on my general anxiety issues, and less on the phobia (I'd like to, though, since it's become such a crippling issue). Remember that you've pulled through during these 20 years, and have managed to raise a family you love despite all the obstacles you had to face --I can't even measure how much of a struggle pregnancy must've been! You've even got a wonderful, understanding husband; I know how hard it is to try to explain your fear to other people most of the time.

Sorry for rambling, though, just wanted to get that off my chest, I guess... ^^ It makes me feel a bit better to know there are other people put there struggling with the exact same issue and are having just as hard a time of it. Just hang in there, and you'll be fine; I'm sorry I don't have more enlightening advice, but this is really what it boils down to. Just try to stay in the calmest, most peaceful state of mind possible; when your anxiety spikes, so will the emetophobia.

[Ribbons473]

Thank you so much for all your replies it means alot to know there are other people who have the same thoughts and feelings as me.

Although I have lived with this for 20 years it has never controlled my life to the degree it does now, I am even seriously considering Home Educating my girls so that the risk is reduced there. My eldest had severe reflux as a baby up until she was around 18 months and she would V* daily sometimes so much so that she would V* blood, however neither of them have managed to get a proper bug just odd V* here and there and I often think that I waste so so much of my life worrying when in fact she hasnt been s* for 3 years and I havent for all of my adult life so what a total waste of time and energy.

Thanks for the links too I shall have a look at those, I practice deep breathing and I have my way of calming myself down but I just want to live a ' normal ' life. For example I am sitting here now crying cause I am anxious to go and collect the girls from school in case one of them says they feel poorly, how ridiculous