Buut I know I have to keep going. Incoming rant now XD I doubt anyone will read this, let alone reply to it but I rarely vent and I really need to.
So I'm trying to do exposure therapy for my emet, and so far it's been going pretty well! I've been eating without washing my hands (even after being out in public), taking 30 minute bus journeys, going out when I feel tired and sick, eating meat cooked by my boyfriend, amongst other things. But in the past few days, things have just gone so badly and I don't know if I can continue with it.
I found out a few days ago that I need a filling, which shocked me because I brush my teeth 3 times a day and don't eat or drink many sugary foods, but ah well. Thing is, needing a filling is one of the things that has scared me for years because I knew it'd happen one day, and welp, here it is.
Today, I went to my boyfriend's in the back of his dad's car and felt extremely lightheaded once I got there. Like when I stepped out, I felt really dizzy for a good 10 minutes and as far as I'm aware, that's how motion sickness starts. Basically, had the journey been longer, I may have started to feel sick. Knowing this, on the journey home (same car) I had a huge panic attack and his dad very kindly stopped for me and let me walk around outside for a bit before he drove me the rest of the way home. Again, I felt super dizzy when I got out. Now, I've been on bus journeys of the same length recently and not felt dizzy when I got off (OK a bit, but nowhere near that as much as his dad's car). I've also been in the backs of cars for 6 hour journeys and never once felt lightheaded or dizzy. That includes ones I had panic attacks on, so I know that didn't cause it. Basically, random motion sickness out of the blue. Nooww, here's the deal breaker! It could just be the way his dad drives. The car was very smooth and he braked a lot I think. So that would make sense. But if it's not that, and I've suddenly developed motion sickness, how the heck am I ever going to get back on the bus/into his car to go to my boyfriend's house again :'( I can't do it! I don't want motion sickness! Or a filling! What next, those were both things I was terrified of. I'm also scared of migraines. If that happens too, I quit life.
Interesting side note - Whilst having the panic attack, his dad asked me 'Are you feeling car sick?' in such a calm, caring voice. After we'd stopped, and I explained to him that I have a phobia of being sick (my boyfriend had already told him but I was just reminding him), he said something like 'All that would happen if you were sick is we'd clean it up' or something like that. Again, he said it in such a kind way. And I felt really weird. It is weird, isn't it, when someone around us treats vomiting like it's no big deal at all. It's like we can't possibly imagine how that person could be so laid back about it. My boyfriend and his family are so supportive, which is a massive surprise to me as a lot of my family are totally insensitive. I could not ask for a more understanding and caring man and I am so grateful for that.
TL;DR I need a filling, and I felt dizzy in the back of a car today. I'm scared