9 yr old with only the fear of others being sick - can't get her into the classroom

[sherri]

I was wondering if anyone had any advice. My 9 yr old daughter has recently told us she has Emetophobia...she has struggled with phobias in the past and overcome them with exposure therapy. Since last May she has been very oppositional and having panic attacks, she had a great difficulty getting into school in September and completely lost control 2 weeks ago in her portable and has never been back (we know now through her teacher that a kid projectile vomited that day). We didn't know what was wrong until last week when we went on vacation and we had to physically pull her onto the plane...she then disclosed that she was terrified that there would be kids on the plane, and what if they threw up and she couldn't get off the aircraft.

We emailed her therapist, who thankfully treats others (but only adults, aside from my daughter) and reassured us that we would work on this. We are now home and we saw her psychologist who gave us some distraction strategies for school but we still cannot get her into the portable. She completely flips out and has been sitting in the office of the school all day instead. We are at the very least getting her there but her avoidance is so bad the school is reluctant to force her to the class. ' I don't know what to do, we don't want her to lose her year and homeschooling is not an option for us or her as that will just allow her to avoid school completely. She is already on lexapro to help with the panic attacks and her dosage has been increased by her Doctor.

Any suggestions to get her in ?

[Anie]

I am sorry Sherri, I don't have any suggestion. But I only wanted to tell you that I understand. What a delicate situation. When I was a kid, I was really afraid when others were sick in school, and I had some moments where I didn't want to go to school. But my parents did not understand and I think I was not able to say why I was like that. It was like 25-30 years ago... My parents forced me to go to school. And my parents were very strict and I was a very shy and scared little girl so I didn't have choice. But I can tell you that I think it was not a good idea to act like this with me. I am so deep in the phobia now and I don't have a normal life. I am in therapy and I hope I will get better someday. The only thing I would suggest is to be caring and to listen to what she will be able to say. Just being listened to and loved is so important.
I hope things will get better for your daughter.

[mhartse]

Im sorry you are going through this with your daughter. And as Im not a therapist or any medical professional, the advice I give is strictly, how I would want to be treated if I was your daughter. She is experiencing irrational fears obviously. Like many of us on this forum, we fear ourselves being sick. Now I didn't read that in your post, just she's scared of OTHERS. That does go hand in hand. I can see exposure therapy being beneficial in this situation, because she doesn't fear it herself. IF she was afraid of getting sick herself, i would be against exposure therapy. There was a quote from the thrive book (which you can find info on these forums for as well) that said, if you wanted to cure a soldier of PTSD, you wouldn't put him back in a war zone to get over it. Same thing with this. You don't want to put some one who is petrified of being sick, in the situation of getting sick. IT just does't work out how you would think. It is too scary, too much. She is so young and I'd hate for her to fear this her whole life. Im 25 and it plagues me everyday. I hope you find comfort in talking with us on here and finding more information. http://www.emetophobiahelp.org/fact-sheet.html That is a link to a very informative fact sheet, written by a therapist, who is cured from emetophobia. Hope this information helps you!

[Syrup]

I read an article a while back about a child who was scared to go to school for fear of seeing other children be ill. His therapist had one parent go to school with him all day for the first 3 days. His dad sat right next to him and made him feel secure. Afterwards his time in the classroom decreased. It was over a 2 week period so the dad had to use vacation time, but in the long run it was worth it. At the end he was allowed to bring a cell phone to call his dad for a few days if he was anxious followed by not being allowed to bring the phone at all. Thankfully it worked and now the boy is fine going to school alone and isn't fearful of v* in the least. Since that time other children have been ill at school and he's managed to overcome. I'm not a therapist nor am I necessarily advising you to do this with your daughter but I am saying that this won't last forever and with treatment she'll be just fine.

[sherri]

Thanks for your suggestions. I am going to see if they will allow me to stay at school for a few days. She is lucky in some ways because she has already beaten some pretty severe phobias. She knows she has the power and control to take this one on too. It is so hard to overcome and my heart aches for her but I know we are on the right path. Very thankful we have coverage to pay for the psychologist as well...i don't know how we could do it without her help. Thanks again

[Friend]

The Worry Glasses: Overcoming Anxiety by Donalisa Helsley is an excellent book for children with anxiety disorders. You can buy it on Amazon.
From the Inside Flap

From the Inside Flap Stress spares no one. our children are deeply affected by it. One manifestation of stress in their lives is anxiety. Donalisa Helsley has written a wonderful story which will help children recognize how they are anxious and give them tools to help lessen the effects of anxiety in their lives. I highly recommend this book to both children and those who care for them.

John B. White, M.D., Board Certified Psychiatrist

The Worry Glasses identifies 'anxiety' in 'kid friendly' words giving them a vocabulary for their worries. Donalisa Helsley connects feelings with concrete behaviors so the child can understand how fears and worries are directly connected to how they behave or how they physically feel. It also educates parents on what anxiety looks like (from defiance to nightmares). I highly recommend this book to anyone working or living with an anxious child. The book is straightforward and the exercises/techniques are easy for anyone (clinician, teacher or parent) to use.

Sarah Caliboso-Soto, Licensed Clinician Social Worker

[Friend]

Sorry, I can't fix the mistakes as I'm not able to edit my post for some reason.

[NaiveAndTrue]

Have a meeting with her teacher / principal and see if it's possible to move her desk closest to the door, and even keep it open during the day, and special permission to leave and visit a counselor or nurse's office if she starts to feel panicy, or needs to catch her breath. If everyone's on board, just knowing those things can help. Then after a few weeks, If visits are frequent, have her see if she can sit with her panic for a few minutes first before leaving. Like, if someone coughs and she gets the urge to run, can she wait 2 or 3 minutes first? Then, 5, 10. . . etc. Kids CAN get sick in class, but it's infrequent.

I wasn't ONLY afraid of others, but I felt as she does when my phobia started. It's such a crushing feeling. I hope she gets a hold of it soon, and she is so very very lucky to have you! When my anxiety started no one in my family recognized it, and I was basically called a liar for 3 years until *I* saw a special on Panic Attacks myself!

[sherri]

I wanted to let you all know that I met with the school at the beginning of the week. They have started her on an IEP which basically meant she gets labelled 'behavioural' so that she can get the help she needs during school. My last worry is the label lol..we had to sign an agreement that we will give them access to our Dr reports to share with the school board psychological services. It has only been a few days but wow have they moved on this. She is out of a portable and in a class in the school, she has a desk inside the class and a desk in the hall as well. She has 'break cards' that she just needs to show to her teacher and they then know she is panicking and can go to either her desk in the hall or another designated safe space (usually a room in the office or the library). She also starts her day in the office just in case it is not a good day for her and she isn't ready to face her peers, there is always a note there from her teacher outlining the day and where the class will be at any given time. So far, this has worked out fantastic and she is no longer crying and hysterical in the morning. They have also provided her with a laptop so that she can catch up on the work she has missed.Now...while all of this is good, we now have to focus on her treatment. We know it will be a long road, but with a combination of coping mechanisms, relaxation techniques and exposure therapy, we have been told she has a really good chance. Her psychologist has stressed she is very lucky we found it so young while we still have the control to get her help...she says a lot of people with this phobia never seek help but instead manage their lives around it. Exposure therapy is scary business, we've been through it. However, it is a much more scary thing to have something control every aspect of your life while you miss out . Good luck to everyone here

[Littleone]

Hi sherri I have the same problem with my daughter who is 7 it's killing me seeing her so upset its bought back my depression and anxiety I have had to move her to another achool because she associated that school with a lot of people being sick, Tahms has been called and have social services giving us a helping hand hope your son is ok

[sarahh]

Wow, all that help sounds great, I’m glad she is making progress. The way her school is handling couldn’t be more different to how my school treated me! I was sent to the nurses office (full of sick people) when I started getting nervous/crying – no wonder I tried to avoid school!

[mamabear93]

Awe, I feel for you.
my mom went through hell with me in elementary school.
When I was 8 I home schooled for a year while working on my phobia. There was a period of time where I wouldn't leave the house. The next year when I went back to the school my parents, teacher and psychologist and everyone else who worked with me at the school worked together to make a plan for me so that I could get to school.

If I got to the point where I couldn't handle myself I would remove myself from the room. The teacher would give me my work to do with the teachers aids in a quiet room alone or with very few people. That REALLY worked well for me because like ur daughter, being in a room full of kids overwhelmed me.
Maybe try something like tray? At least she would be in the school =)

I hope everything works out.

[Dxxr]

God help her poor child I've no solutions for her but I hope she can recover. My nephew had the same panic with cars for years growing up after he was hit by one and broke his legs when he was 3 I kno it's not the exact same as your story but he went into extreme panic with passing cars which obviously isn't ideal as they are apart of everyday life he went regularly for a few years to a therapist he's now 14 and has no fear. Hopefully through time your child to can overcome this fear and panic with the right help aswel