two v***** things have happened in the past two weeks but i consider them little triumphs to me cause i controlled my panic. Even if it took me longer the second time :P
two weeks ago- i went into this little shop to buy some chewing gum and when i came out i heard some guy coughing but not really coughing more sort of hacking really hard so i turned round, just naturally you hear a noise you turn round to see what it is, and these two guys were walking down the street and one of them was hacking away and the second before i happened i knew it was gonna but he just v****** and carried on walking, his friend went "god thats mingin" and he went "ayye" and that was apparently all he thought of it, so i went into panic mode and i was on my own and i had no idea what to do so i just started walking anywhere taht i could and then just phoned my mum and i had to come home and i was a little weird but i didnt have a panic attack, i forced myself not to cry and i just deep breathed and rationalised it to myself etc. and my boyfriend came up later that day and i was fine, so that was like a little triumph for me, i was pleased that i could control it that day and everything.
last week- not too sure if you could call this a triumph :P, me, my mum, my dad and my brother were sitting in the living room watching tv and my dad had been to the shop to buy us all chocolate, and he gave andy his chocolate and andy just put it down on the floor and didnt eat it, which is unlike him, and my dad asked if he was ok and he was like "my stomach is insanely sore" and he sat up and he could hardly breathe cause his stomach hurt so much. He got up and went to leave the room and i knew he was going to throw up, i do this thing where if i think someones going to throw up and they go to leave the room i ask them where theyre going- if they say "the toilet" and look confused as to why im asking that means that they're ok, if they dont answer me then i think theyre off to throw up. So i asked my brother where he was going and he never answered me he jsut looked at me and i knew it was going to happen. So i pretended i was fine but obviosuly i had to know if he was throwing up or not so i walked past the bathroom through to my room and as i got into my room, i heard him. I couldnt control my panic at this moment though cause i thought he had a bug, and i hate myself so much for this but all i was thinking was- i could catch this and that could be me in a minute- and i was thinking about how ide eaten the same things as him that day and everything and i burst into tears and had a panic attack and i was sitting in my room crying shaking, the usual so i put on some really loud music. I was panicking so badly and i couldnt breathe and i got my dad to come through, its amazing speaking to my dad when i have a panic attack cause hes a nurse and he explains everything to me, and rationalises things out for me and will tell me why things are how theya re however this night he came through and i was screaming cause i was so scared and i said "why was he sick" and my dad just said " i dont know", which jsut made me panic so much cause i dont know about any of use but when someone is sick i have to knwo every single little detail about it so that i can rule it out happening to me. It turned out taht my brother had been throwing up blood as well as what you normally throw up and so my dad had to rush him off to casualty. I was left in the house with my mum who was trying to calm me down but obviously at the same time incredibly worried about my brother so i phoned my boyfriend who was a massive help, he jsut calmed me down and talked to me and eventually i could breathe again. So i went back through to my mum and i started crying again but she calmed me down and started talking to me about other things, trying to get my mind off it. I still had no idea though as to what was wrong with my brother so i was still thinking "if its a bug i could get it, he ate the s
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