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Thread: love life

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    London
    Posts
    14

    Default love life

    Hi, the season of festivities are upon us (for those who celebrate in the winter) and it gets me thinking. How will i ever form a proper close relationship with a lover when i have emet?
    I feel like i have a great time being intimate with someone, but the minute i am reminded of the winter months and chances of the nv etc i freeze up and lose all form of contact and sexiness- i am a pretty saucy person in the summer months with quite a few dates on the go, but why do i feel every time the winter rolls around i want to hide away and never touch another person again! Madness!
    Im also seriously put off having children and a husband (i know as a early 20s its not something for me personally to think about yet, but ah!)

    Anyone else feel this way?
    x

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    2

    Default Re: love life

    Yes! Im in my twentys too but I'm a male. I signed up just to respond to this post. I hate dateing, I avoid it at all cost. Not to say I don't have a social life. Someone somewhere should make an emetophobia dateing site. I don't really do online stuff at all but could you imagine...dateing an emet? It would be like the puzzle that just fit together. Id totally sign up for that. As far as dateing in real life I too disappear in the winter. Watch a ton of movies and don't do as much as I normally would do.

  3. #3

    Default Re: love life

    Well, I am already married and luckily the man I am with understand my weirdness...or at least tolerates it lol I think once you find a partner they will accept you for you...so don't get discouraged! The winter months are hard for us...but I would have to say that having a dating site for just emetophobes would be amazing for those of us trying to get into a relationship! It would be nice to be with someone who understands what you are going through. I wish you the best!

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  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    501

    Default Re: love life

    I have been with my partner for nearly a year now and yet we've never met in person. She suffers from really bad social anxiety meaning that meeting new people is really tough for her. Just as I understand why it could be months or even years before I can see her in person, she understands that I can't be there for her when she's ill. So anyway, I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you shouldn't give up, if you find someone who you genuinely connect with then I'm sure they will understand and give you the personal space you need during the winter months

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Washington
    Posts
    1,347

    Default Re: love life

    I don't think I could date another emet. When I'm anxious and working myself up to feeling sick I need someone to talk me out of it instead of being afraid to be around me. And if I were to actually get sick I'd probably need someone to be able to get me things I might need, not runaway.....I don't want anyone around while I'm actually being sick but I might need someone to comfort me after. I just feel like another emet wouldnt help with my anxiety, i need someone to tell me there's nothing worry about, unless there is a legitimate reason to be worried. That's just my personal feelings on it.
    Last edited by NicManri; 12-19-2014 at 01:32 AM.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    428

    Default Re: love life

    Love changes things, which sounds incredibly cheesy but it's true. I had trouble getting close to people in the past, and it was the same as you - I was fine in the summer but not fine at all in the winter. I didn't want anybody around during the winter, haha.

    Then I met a guy (in November!) some years back, we started dating a few months later (January), and I was fine. He was different. Certainly not hygiene-wise, because he can do some gross shit at times lol, but for whatever reason I just didn't mind it. Now we're engaged. We've been through winters together without me pushing him away (though I have been worried plenty), we live together, he's been sick before and I haven't avoided him. Basically the way I act with him is a complete 180 from how I acted with everyone else that I dated, at least with regard to my anxiety.

    So hang in there! Either your anxiety will decrease so that you'll be able to sustain a relationship through the winter months, or you'll find someone who makes the anxiety seem like not as big a deal. Just be patient!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    2,851

    Default Re: love life

    It is quite different for everyone. I am starting to believe it's better to address your own issues and inner healing, including phobias, before you consider dating or bringing someone else into your equation (because you deserve to give yourself as much love as you want to give another). Of course, this belief isn't law. Just an opinion. That being said, anyone who loves you is going to love you knowing you are human, asking questions about you to gain a greater understanding of who you are. You establish boundaries with each other, let each other know what you are comfortable with at each moment and what you're not. You don't have to reveal everything in the beginning.

    This means, when you feel comfortable and sure this is okay with you to tell this person about your phobia, then do so. Not everyone can be trusted with everything. That's why we get to know people, and establish if they are safe or unsafe. You deserve to be treated respectably, phobia or no phobia.

    I hope this helps. In the mean time, you're young. Just do you for awhile. You're worth it. I hope you overcome this devil of a phobia someday!
    Life is so worth living.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    London
    Posts
    14

    Default Re: love life

    hey everyone- thanks for all your replies, im glad im not the only one who feels this way. its been getting kinda lonely over Christmas and its nice to know im not alone in this- i n the long run i hope things will pan out- for now, i guess we will have to see- for those of you with SO's i wish you all happiness! its lovely that this can exist in a relationship.

    sdfl (i dont know how to quote on here) but that post really said something to me- so thank you. Addressing inner self is scary but i know i need to do or i wont make progress- i get a little lonley at times but you are right it needs to be self heal first then another- kinda so both people can be 1 and 1 not half and half if that makes any sense.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    Scotland
    Posts
    187

    Default Re: love life

    I've never had a boyfriend and I'm 20 in 2 months
    I do sometimes feel like even if i managed to get a boyfriend he'd think i was weird if he found out about my phobia...
    But there is nice guys out there, they are just hard to find


    ~Those painful memories are what can help us make it to tomorrow, and become stronger. That goes for everyone - every human has that power within them. Walk tall. And, I, too will keep walking tall, ever onwards!~

  10. #10

    Default Re: love life

    I feel the same way! Im really concerned about having children- not only will I get sick when I am pregnant but kids are such germ magnets!

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Posts
    901

    Default Re: love life

    My partner suffers with OCD and panic attacks. It works quite well for us, as although he doesn't fully understand my emetophobia, he tries to and is understanding of it. On top of that, his OCD does not allow him to touch food before he eats it without washing his hands and means he ALWAYS washes he hands as soon as he has gotten in the house and has taken his shoes off. lol. Sounds silly, but i spend no time worrying whether or not he will get sick, as embarrassingly, I would say he is more diligent about hand washing than I am (and I am still emet standards or washing and anti bac gel ect)!

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Southeast USA
    Posts
    1,225

    Default Re: love life

    I also do not think I could date an emet. I need someone to talk me through it and calm me down. If he panics too...we are both in trouble. No one I have dated fears it and each guy has been very understanding to my surprise. However, the older I have gotten the more acceptance I have found.

    Kawaii, I did not get my first date or first kiss until I was 23. I felt like a weirdo, but I am not at all. It is not as weird or unusual as people think though society tries to make you think you are. I have been nervous about what if he gets sick and what will I do, but that scenario has yet to come up thankfully. And not just for me, but because no one likes to be sick even if you are not emet. Sickness is not fun. I have been with my sorta boyfriend for over a year now. I say sorta because it's a complicated scenario and we are currently at a stand still due to his parents. It is a cultural thing. We are fine together. We love each other. We would like to get married, but his father is adamant he will not accept me into the family for one reason. I am white and American and they are Indian (India Indian-Always seem to have to specify this lol). So, it's a tough thing. But I can also say that love is possible even with emet. And my bf is NOT anywhere near as clean as I. He rarely washes his hands before he eats. He does before food prep and after using the toilet so he's not totally gross . He is almost never sick. He has only had one little cold since I have known him. Last time he was sick was with his kidney stone and not a stomach virus and this was over two years ago.
    You do not have to date anyone or get married if you do not want to, but also do not let emet stop from having a life partner if you want a bf or gf. People are more understanding than you think. My bf is not really afraid of anything. He counter-balances me. I keep him grounded and he keeps me pushing my limits. It works well for us.
    I am 25 and will be 26 in about two months to state my age when I met my current bf. Good luck and enjoy yourself.
    "And though she be but little, she is fierce"~Helena, A Midsummer Night's Dream

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    286

    Default Re: love life

    I make light of the fact that I'm emetophobic and I try to make it humorous, like it's part of my charm. If someone isn't going to like me because of my quirks, I most likely won't get along with them regardless. I also used to date a guy who was an emetophobe and we'd laugh about it because we thought we were the only ones with it. This was before I even knew there was a word for it. I've been seeing a guy this year and at times it is difficult to be intimate when I'm afraid of germs. He's around people all day and although he hasn't been sick at all since we've been dating, he could be carrying something (lol). It helps that he's a germaphobe himself. He didn't want to see me after I had gotten my flu shot because he thought he'd get the flu! Another time he thought I was going to give him tonsillitis through oral sex (tmi but lol) AFTER I was already on antibiotics. Yet he will eat week-old fish and basically anything you put in front of him. It's good because I definitely don't want to date another emetophobe.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    562

    Default Re: love life

    I'm exactly the same, but if you're with someone who accepts you for your phobia, it shouldn't be a problem. I have a boyfriend who knows when it comes to winter that I'm an absolute nightmare lol just panicked 24/7 and probably not that fun to be around....but he puts up with it and actually really helps me and calms me down. He's the only person in real life who I can really tell my day to day emet struggles to without feeling judged, which is really nice!!
    Susie

 

 

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