Every waking moment of my life is consumed by this fear...family doesn't believe me!

[lovechicken]

I implore you to read my story. I am in so much emotional, mental, and physical pain here, and no on is on my side or believes me. Please help me.

I need help so bad. My fear has been bad for several years and recently has blown up out of proportion. My family/parents won't let me go to a doctor because they think it's all in my head and this this isn't real (and that I haven't been suffering for years, even though it's been plainly obvious).

This all started when I was little. Every year we went to my grandma's house for Christmas and every year we got sick with stomach flu. One year it was because they had the virus on their bathroom towels. One year my mom washed dishes after dinner at their house, had cracks in her hands, got sick, and spread it to the rest of us. Once it was because I made and ate cookies there. So I am terrified of getting sick now, and it has gotten worse over the years. Since then, I haven't used ibuprofen or any medication that may cause me to v* (after a bad run in with ibuprofen). I refuse to eat anything without washing my hands first. I pester my whole family to wash their hands, especially my younger brothers (my dad usually ends up screaming in my face, even though I am not telling him what to do and just want some peace of mind). I freak out every time my family goes somewhere (usually without me) because I can't trust that they washed their hands (or washed them properly). I get into panic attacks when I see them not washing their hands properly, like if my dad just runs his fingers under cold water after handling raw eggs - especially if I am not in a position to tell them to wash their hands. I got in a fight with my boyfriend last night because he was working for several hours, handled lots of money, and then ate at a restaurant without washing his hands even after I asked him to. He cancelled our plans today (even though we sorta resolved the fight) to hang out with one of his other friends, and I bet it's because I'm always complaining about this stupid phobia.

It's completely ruining my life. i can't enoy anything anymore. My family and friends don't like being around me and don't care about me. No one believes this is a real fear. My parents just told me, when I asked them if I could go to a doctor, that all I have to do is "toughen up" and that "this wouldn't even be an issue if you had REAL problems" (which is very untrue - even in the heat of finals week with 5 classes in college, emetophobia is the very first thing on my mind). My mom says "too bad" when I tell her I am suffering from this. They say I have to "get over it" and that they will kick me out if I keep complaining about it. "When we were kids, being afraid of something so silly wouldn't even be an option". They don't understand how much I am suffering and they don't care one bit. They say I haven't been suffering with this for years, but can plainly see that I avoided using one of the toilets in out house for 2 years beacuse my sister v* in it, haven't taken medications that might cause me to v*, have freaked out every single christmas about getting sick from relatives or in general, used to pack tons of soapy washclothes with my brother's lunch the one year he wasn't homeschooled so that he wouldn't bring home the norovirus, always get my parents mad at me because I always ask if dinner has been cooked fully, and have refused to eat any meat with pink in it for years! Why doesn't anyone believe me? I am SO fRUSTURATED Q_Q

Lately, I have been having the worst case of emetophobia in years because my brother got everyone in my family sick in early november. I am more scared of those around me getting sick and having to avoid them even more than usual, than getting sick myself, since I can trust myself and I know I wash myhands properly and avoid undercooked foods and don't touch my face or anything. My brother had d* several times in his bed, gave out inhuman moans all night, wasn't able to walk (not that I really believe that), and it was the most terrifying thing ever (and of course I can't talk about it because if I do, people are disgusted with me and just accuse me of "not caring about your poor brother" and call me "selfish" and think i'm horrible). I ended up v* the next day for some weird reason - I don't know how on earth I managed to catch it. The funny thing was, it wasn't so bad. I don't care about being sick when I AM sick. I only v* two times, and it was at least 12 hours apart. Then I didn't believe that I had stomach flu (still am not sure) and stil avoided my household as the norovirus claimed everyone else. THe only person that didn't suffer horribly (like me) was my youngest brother. Ever since then, I have been super terrified and have also been dealing with tons of stomach issues. It might be IBS, but I suffer every day and haven't been able to eat normal food, and I believe that stomach flu in some part was responsible. Now we are dead in the middle of flu season and everyone is getting sick, and at this point I would rather commit suicide than deal with my family getting sick again. That week they were sick I didn't even bother wearing makeup, showered at my boyfriends house, didn't use any of the bathrooms in my house, didn't eat at my house, spent all day at school, wore latex glove when I got home (even though I would only end up touching my own doorknob to my bedroom)...it was awful. Now every day I suffer from nausea, stomach cramps, heartburn, werid bowel habits, intestinal pains, constipation, lactose intolerance, weird gurgling noises in my stomach, random dizzy spells and shivers, pulsating coming from my stomach, find myself unable to sleep due to these things sometimes...and it won't go away.

I feel so trapped. I wish I could be like y boyfriend and his friends who - dead into flu season after handling hundreds of customers (which definitely didn't wash their hands after using the bathroom) and money - can just touch their food all over with their hands na dnot even worry one bit about getting sick.
People always make fun of me...especially my family. My brother said this morning that he didn't get much sleep, and I asked why...my dad was like "Because he's sick" and both of them laughed at me. Don't they understand this makes me panic? I asked my boyfriend last night if he washed his hands, "No, and I made sure to rub my hands all over myself," he said jokingly, and then tried to hug me. I said "But you have the germs of the entire store on your hands!" and he replied "More like five stores". I wanted to cry in fear but had to bite it back since I didn't want to make a fool of myself in the restaurant. When I ask my family members if they washed their hands or if they feel ok, they always reply with the opposite "no, I have a stomach ache" or "nope, and I licked my fingers" and I just want to die. I'm gonna get an ulcer if I don't already have one.

How do I beat this? I just want to be normal again. What do I do? Whenever I get sick or start feeling unwell, it just gets worse. My parents think that I should get sick, saying that's how I will cure it, but they are just freaking me out more. I can't get sick. I refuse to get sick. EVery time I do I look back on it as if it were the most traumatizing thing I have had to go through. I remember every single instance I got sick, every little symptom I felt (for example, right before v* in november, I sat up in bed and my stomach made a sloshing noise. So every time I hear that moise I get super paranoid. Or I kept burping right before v* one time, and now when that happens I start to freak out!).

I want to be normal so bad Q_Q

[claire43]

Im sorry you are having such an awful time. Firstly, I am speaking as a mother and please don't take this as a criticism but unless you suffer with something like this crippling fear yourself it is very very difficult to understand so your family absolutely do care for you they just don't know how to make it stop. Instead of being able to 'cure' you of this all they can do is use logic and/or sarcasm in the hope that you'll suddenly stop being afraid - unfortunately you and I both know that is not how this works. I still have a father who thinks by telling me theres nothing to worry about you just do it and feel better is going to make me miraculously fine with v* - and I'm 48 lol Unfortunately younger siblings especially boys tend to enjoy making others freak out by talking about things they know upsets you. The best thing you can do is keep up with hand washing/hygiene.

Now the other issues you're dealing with are obviously affecting every aspect of your life and you have got to find a way of putting your side across. Is there one member of the family or a family friend who is more sympathetic? How old are you? If you are old enough to visit the dr alone then make an appt, write a list of all the things you want to say and ask, that way you won't just blurt out stuff and forget the important parts.

One thing I can say is that this phobia has highs and lows. You can be living your life quite normally with just the underlying fear simmering away for long periods of time and then out of the blue your every waking thought is v*. There is no pattern but often people can have years of 'normality' so please don't think this is how you are going to feel for the rest of your life. Things do get better.

[lovechicken]

I feel really alone with this. I don't get why it is so hard for everyone to understand! They act as if they coudn't care less. I see posts on the internet where parents try to help their kids with this fear, but everyone in MY life acts as if my fears are invalid.
I am 19, and I still live at home. I am a junior at college and going to public places and using public restrooms doesn't really bother me. But since I know that most sicknesses are stopped by handwashing, I get on EVERYONES CASE. I wish I could control everyone! I know I can't, but I want to and it bothers me!

Even when I talk to myself and try to reason with myself, it doesn't work. It's like my mind and body aren't in sync when I get scared.

I hope you are right about this fear letting up for a bit. It doesn't seem to bother me as much in summer, but summer is far far away (here, weather doesn't get nice until late May).

I can't go to a doctor on my own because I can't afford it. I am going to see if there is a counseling center at my school I can use.

[waitingforyou]

I'm sorry that you are having such a tough time right now. It sucks when the people who should be most helpful in your life are the ones causing the most stress.

I think it is a great idea to look into the counseling services at your school. Go to your school's website and make an appointment.

Since your family doesn't take it seriously when you ask them if they've cooked the food properly or if they've washed their hands, maybe you can change your approach?
Try not to ask them about hand washing so much since they just use the opportunity to make you feel bad. It doesn't help you to ask and then have them consistently say no or talk about the things they have touched.
Maybe when you bring up hand washing just do occasionally for information purposes. Let them know you don't want them to be sick and suffering. Let them know safe cooking practices. Teach your younger brothers how to wash their hands properly (maybe when your dad isn't around).
I understand how it feels wanting to make sure everyone in the house does the same hygiene things you do. Trying to control everyone will just give you more stress.

[skdenn]

I'm so sorry your family is so unsupportive of you in your emet. Do you have a good relationship with them otherwise?

Susan

[mamabear93]

I'm so sorry. This phobia has to be one of the worst phobias because it's hard to over come fear when the thing u fear is everywhere! Like why can't we be afraid of spiders... all u do is squish em and they're gone right?

But u say, they won't let u go to the doctor... just go. This phobia has a way of controlling us... but going to the doctor is the first step to Taking control and getting ur life back.

I hope u feel better soon