Stressed out. Don't feel well

[bakogirl]

Tomorrow will be a week since I moved out away from my husband. I been keeping myself busy with things around here like cleaning and organizing. But I've worn myself out so bad I don't feel well. I started to freak out a bit ago. Trying hard to calm down. I didn't hear from my husband till last night. It's been really weird. I've never been on my own. I've never had nobody to turn to. I've never not had someone to comfort me. I've never felt so empty. I keep forcing myself to eat. Or I have to load up on enough stuff just to eat. Too much has happened these past couple months and I'm a wreck. I guess you would only know that if you knew me. Everyone who sees me thinks I'm so happy. I'm Not. I'm So broken. I feel sick daily. I'm Almost out of anxiety pills. I went to the doctor the other day and he forgot to give me more. I'm Falling apart. I Miss my husband. I'm so confused over how I feel. Because I miss him. But I have so much pain from the past. I can't move past it. I'm Always stressed he's cheating on me. Or he's getting involved with someone else. I've talked to an ex off and on for awhile. And he's tried to push beyond that. But I couldn't even given the situations I was put in with my husband I never gave in. Like yesterday I was cleaning up the garage. In my dresser I find magazines. Not dirty ones. But of girls I know gets my husband off. And I felt so sick. I felt so hurt. I have such low self esteem and seeing those magazines just tore me up.

Sorry about the rant. I'm Just in a really bad place. I'm Having trouble pulling myself out. And being emet and all this going on affecting my stomach so bad. It sucks. I Wish I would die most of the time. I hate living like this. I hate my life. Only thing that keeps me going is my kids. 😪

[SilentFrog]

I'm so sorry bakogirl, you're clearly going through so much pain, I can relate to a lot of what you say and how you feel. I'm here if you feel like talking

[lizziescarlett]

Ahh, bakogirl, reading your post nearly made me cry, it's heart wrenching. This is more than emetophobia it sounds like you are struggling on a day to day basis with everything, is there anybody that you are close to that you can open up to about the situation? Putting a brave smiley face on will not help you feel better, you need to open up and let it all out. Is there any chance you could talk to your husband? I'm sorry I'm not much help but I'm thinking of you, I'm sending you a huge cuddle.

[bakogirl]

I'm Worse today. I'm so scared right now. It's like all my stress went straight to my stomach. I took a zofran and klonopin but it hasn't taken effect yet. I hope it does. I tried to do yard work to distract myself but it just made me feel worse. I'm in bed now terrified. I'm Scared I caught a bug but I know it's most likely my anxiety.

I'm Dealing with so much right now. My husband is an ex addict. I'm So stressed that he went back to it. Sounds mean. But I'm not worried for his sake. He's a grown man. But worried over my kids being with him. Granted they are his too. But just thinking if they are exposed to that stressed me out so bad. My son woke up sick yesterday. With headache and sore throat. So I worry about him too. I'm Such a mess right now and so scared I'm gonna be s* over it. My head is starting to hurt. I have so much I gotta do. Plus my cousin was going to come spend the night over here with my oldest but I got to go across town to pick him up. I haven't been too good to drive. As soon as I get down the street I freak out and can't breathe thinking I'm gonna be s. It's such a nightmare