*CONTROVERSIAL! Is this site bad for us?

[pretty polly]

Well I've been doing alot of thinking lately and y'know, I'm not
convinced that coming on this website is all that healthy for us. I
know alot of us come on here for reassurance when they feel bad or
advice about an ailment they are suffering from, but the thing is, the
more you come on here, the more drawn in you get, and not only do
you have your own worries and concerns to think about, but you
absorb everyone elses on top! Thats alot of stress and worry!
In my case, when my hubbie is away on business, and all my
housework is done, and my dayjob is finished, I get bored, so I go
on this site to see what people have written! Some of its funny, some
of its interesting, but alot of it is quite disturbing.
I hadn't been on this site for a couple of weeks, probably because
hubby was home and there was lots of things happening, but I didn't
find the time to come online. Now things are quieter again, and this
morning I came online and read some of the posts, and now my
stomach is a really tight ball of tenseness!
Most of you are probably thinking, well if thats how you feel, then
bog off and stop reading it then, but in a really wierd way, I'm still
drawn to it anyway! Perhaps I need to get a life! Maybe a hobby to
fill the quiet times - but my emet stops me from doing anything that I
would need to come in contact with others, so I just go on my
computer and so the vicious circle begins again!!!!
I hope I haven't upset anyone by writing this, does anyone else feel
the same way? Has anyone else felt like they perhaps ought not to
come on here so often?? Has anyone else gone away and then come
back because they couldn't cope without it?? These are really silly
questions, I know, but I'm having a real inner-struggle here, and not
quite sure what to do for the best???

[deez]

Polly, don't feel bad. I have thought the same thing The first night I came on here I actually had a panic attack same evening after reading all these things and I felt as if I was feeling all the things I had read but never felt before.


However - I don't really feel that way now. Unless I am having a really bad day. For me the best thing about this place is that I KNOW people understand. I don't have to feel weird about anything I write. But I also have to be careful not to take everyone elses feelings on me cause I tend to do that, not just with this but in general too.

[ontariogirl]

There are people that come to this site feel the same way as you. I am not one of them. I come to this site to help my friends out and yes some topics can be disturbing but this is where you come to type down what is happening with you and hopefully get some reasurrance. I find when i come on the site I don't get jumpy when I read something graphic. I don't know why. I know that if the flu bug hits my home I freak out. I think the time is drawing near as to why I have this phobia and hopefully then I can move on.
No one should be upset with you for voicing your opinions but if it distresses you this much than maybe you should take a break from it.

[kate1966]

My opinion is this: I love this site.....I feel that when my world is turned upside down...when I feel low...and sad...and feel like no one on earth will understand me....this is the place i can come to feel understood....yes, at times...the posts can upset me...but i don't know what I would do if i could not come here and know i have friends that feel the same way i do.....it's a big comfort to me.......Sometimes I do feel like i spend too much time here reading all these posts about people being sick...and at times i feel overwhelmed...but i know i would feel the same way if i was not on here....so to make a long one short......like someone else said....if we need to take a break from the site...then do it....and you absolutely have the right to your own opinion...no one should get upset with you for that.....but for me...i would be crazy insane without this site.

[tayda]

I agree with everyone else. THere are some who feel the same way as you and others who feel more like ontario. I feel more like Ontario. I can write down how I feel and know that the other people on here don't find it silly or stupid. I can talk to some of my friends about it, however, after a while it can get old to them... they don't say it, but you can sense it in their response.


A lot of us struggle with similar things every day, things that a non-emetophobe wouldn't think that much about. We can get ourselves worked up over the smallest thing, and write it here to get reassurance. Probably b/c we know we'll be fine, but we need others like us to tell us that. For me, it is easier to rationalize with people who are distressed, than it is for me to do for myself. I'm sure if we all took our own advice in times of crisis, we'd cope just fine. However, some of us need the reassurance of others...


I'm not insulted by what you wrote; it's just how you feel, and we're all entitled to that without people being angry at us.


How did you feel when you took the break?

[suzy.o]

Sometimes concentrating on our phobias too much can be bad for us and when we look on this site in our own panic it can make us more depressed and in a wierd way more in despair, I dont visit too much now cos it brings symptoms and feelings thatI forgot about back to light so it can happen to some that the site depresses them more than they were before, although I do think its a good website for people who need reassurance and support when things are getting to the point of screaming. What a shame this site doesnt do a self help group night with Sage or someone who is in the same profession, something simular to the No Panic helpline where they had a phone seminar with chair people. I bet though it would cost a lot of money to licence it so then we would have to pay a subscription fee to join, however, I wouldnt mind paying for that as not only would it be interesting, it would also allow us to have a bit of therapy in the privacy of our own homes when we feel unable to get out due to our panic. Dont think it would be allowed over internet tho, and what a shame. Edited by: suzy.o

[rileyl]

You have a good point, Pretty Polly. For some people, I am sure this site makes them even more anxious. If I have a sick child, however, I have found it extremely comforting to be able to talk with other parents with the same fear. I guess the point is to use (or not use) the site to your benefit.

[artist]

I've had this phobia for 44 years not knowing that others did to. I found this
site through the Dr. Phil show. I was to afraid to even look for a site like this
so finding it and reading about all of you was a bit unnerving but very, very
interesting to me. Especially most of you seem to be in your earlier years. My
twenties was the very worse for this phobia (so far anyway). I am thankful for
this site but I come and go. I think communication is good. I wish I had it at
your age! You are very fortunate to find out you are not alone in this.

[meercat]

I can surely understand your mixed feelings about this site. I have them too. But one thing i know for SURE is that this site has CHANGED me, in a good way! I was no longer a FREAK who was the only one on this earth who's scared to death of v*ing!!! I'm sure you can relate to that. I find that i can cope much better with my fear KNOWING how many others share in this!!

On the flip side, i see your point, in that coming on here CAN increase one's anxiety and fears (on a bad day). But on good days, it's more of a relief to be here. Does that make sense? Out of boredom, i come on here too, to look around, yet when i'm doing well and getting on with my life, i will keep away. The site's always here if/when we need it! :-) So i DO see your mixed feelings on this site. But bottom line is...i would NEVER regret finding this, i will ALWAYS be grateful and thankful for it being here!!! JOHN has helped us in many ways by creating this!!! GOD BLESS YOU JOHN!!!

Paula )

[bexcelica]

I think that is a very controversial issue. For one, I think you are right... also, if we come on this site more, we think about v* more, and dwell on it more than we should. Howeverr, it is such a helpful site because we learn to help eachother, which will then in turn help ourselves. I think this site is awesome and I am so glad I found it because all the people on here are the best!!!

[gubba]

I too am older and found this site due to Dr. Phil. What a relief it was for me to find that I was not alone and that others tuly inderstood this very odd thing that I had been pre-occupied with my whole life. I can't say that it is not a little weird to get on at times and find out how bad we all are feeling, but to have the support that I have gotten from friends on here when I really needed it is worth more than the tense feelings I do get at times reading these posts. I love being helpful to others that have always helped me on here and to me this is better than a therapist who knows nothing about me and trys to pretend they understand. I always know that someone here truly does understand and while they cannot fix my situation here, they can make me feel comfort and thus better knowing they care.


Yes, it can be stressful on here at times, but we have the choice to visit here or not and I do it for me and to hopefully help others. When times are stressful for me, I visit here more.


Thanks for always being here when i need you guys and I hope that I am here for you guys too.

[liriodendron]

I've had this phobia for many years. I believe I've seen the peak some
time ago and it's been dwindling ever since. I found this site only a
few of weeks ago in the time I've been here I think the phobia has
gone away more in the past few weeks than in the last 5 years. I
really didn't know there were that many others who feared V* even
though I met someone who said he did.





Well I come here because I am easily addicted to Internet forums. Not
just this one but several others. I think going to the forums as often
as I do is probably not such a good idea but I'm working on that. I
guess it's better than a cocaine addiction. So I think it's not the
subject matter that's the problem. Even though people are forced to
think about it, I like think people are also learning things here.





On the other hand there is a quit smoking forum and after viewing
topics there for a few minutes, it makes me want to smoke heavily. So
maybe there is some risk to be had.

Edited by: liriodendron

[meercat]

Oh man! You feel like smoking MORE, from reading a "quit smoking" forum???? I would love to quit. I wanted to give myself a REAL birthday present (Dec.1st) and QUIT! I'm hoping i still can do that, i only have 2 more days!!! YIKES!! So i guess i better not look at any "quit smoking" forums, huh?

[hollyjean]

i go through phases where i visit this site alot for a few months, then go away for a few. The site really helps me to know im not alone in this. When someone else is upset about emet issues, i can rationalise and try to give reasurance, however when its myself, i loose all logic, i think this site helps me at times i go a bit crazy and realise that most of the time i have nothing to fear.


This site also gives me alot of hope. Seeing how all you emet mum/doctors/teachers/nurses etc cope really gives me hope that emet will not stop me having a career and a family.


At times i think its good not to think about emet. Maybe we can have an off topic board here where no emet chat is allowed? that way when we dont want to discuss emet, we chat with the freinds we have here and have a laugh with no anxiety?

[samara's on tv]

I think that for SOME people it might be bad but for me it's not. It's like the video game discussion...do violent video games make someone violent? Maybe SOME people but that doesn't mean they should BAN all violent video games from the stores. I like the people on here and like many of you said this is a place I can come to when I'm feeling scared or anxious about something and just let it all come out. I know that people here won't ridicule me, or laugh at me (Like my parents do). This site is VERY good for me and although SOME of the posts bother me it's my choice weather to read them or not...no one is forcing me into it.


~Monica

[liriodendron]

I have to admit, my the excitement and all the hours I put in here when
I first found the site really fueled the fire and I started thinking
about the subject more often throughout the day. Although it is not
just a phobia for me, it's also a hobby of sorts and I think about
hobby stuff throughout the day too. It doesn't bother me. Neither does
this phobia for that matter. I think this is a cool phobia to have once
you put it in it's place and it doesn't misbehave. If anyone hear has
ditched their panic attacks, you might feel the same way.



Meercat...... Happy birthday. Good luck with the smoking habit. One bit
of advice. It's not going to be easy. If you can possibly take off 3
weeks from work and do nothing but concentrate on quitting, I think
your chances will be good. Also an insider's exclusive e-phobe wanring
on the patches & gums.... side effects can include V*. So much for
that.

[crimgoddess]

Generally, I can see how this site can be bad for people- ie, germs can live HOW long? THAT can make you sick? Etc. For someone who has this phobia to the extreme, I can see how this can induce paranoia, and exacerbate an already bad situation. However, there is a lot to be said about being able to get support by people who know exactly where you are coming from


For me however, I find it does a bit of the opposite. In all honesty, seeing some of my thought processes in words makes me realize how absurd this disorder can really be at times. When I see someone post something along the lines of "I was around this person who was around this person who may have been around this person who I heard was sick- can I catch something"- I can see how completely insane it sounds, and try to catch myself when those thoughts enter my head. Not that I'm intending to invalidate any of your fears, but you've got to admit, it can get a bit out of hand and even dibilitating.


*amber*

[pretty polly]

Hi guys - thanks for all your responses....(glad no-ones mad at me!)

Well, I'm back! Felt the ole strings pulling me back to you all! And I
thought about it alot yesterday, and you are right, it is a choice thing.
If I am feeling strong and positive (and healthy!!) then I can school
myself that, at present, I don't need to visit you, and if I were to visit
you then it may be detrimental to my positive psyche. However, the
really wonderful thing about this website, is that if I am feeling really
low and anxious, then i can visit here, safe in the knowledge that
like-minded people will be waiting to reassure, and encourage etc.
(Actually on writing that last bit and reading it back, it sounds really
really selfish....take from you when I'm feeling bad and ignore you
when I'm feeling good - thats sooo awful. Please guys, believe me, I
am honestly not that bad a person!)

[img]smileys/smilies_03.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smilies_03.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]


I think Hollyjean made a really good suggestion - having an off topic
board where no emet chat is allowed - and we can talk to our friends
here about anything but the dreaded v*!! (I wonder how long we
could keep that up for?? hehe!)

And do you know, even though I have been thinking about
emetophobia alot more since I discovered this site, like you,
Crimgoddess, I think I have learnt to laugh at the triviality of it all
sometimes, and to take a step back and truly think about what I'm
getting stressed about and why. (and talk a bit of sense into myself
sometimes!)

True, I have learnt some things, maybe, I wish I hadn't learnt, but it
works the other way too also, because I have also learnt things that
have greatly put my mind at rest! Things that I have worried about
for years unneccessarily!!

I think the overall best thing here though is you wonderful people -
who make me laugh and feel good about myself. And you are from
all over the world!! Eeeyyarr!( I'm having a warm gooey moment -
I'll start weeping uncontrollably in a minute!!!!! Hand me a dry tissue
someone!)

So, bottom line, I have now decided, that this is a VERY VERY good
thing - and I am proud to be a member!!! Please accept my
apologies if I sounded either a) ungrateful or b) selfish and uncaring.
I really really am not! I love you lot!!

By the way, Liriodendron, you always make me laugh, you have a
very dry sense of humour (much like myself!) My question to you is -
how on earth can you have emetophobia as a hobby???? Hats off to
you though, not being bothered by this phobia is fantastic - I aspire
to be like you one day!!!

Thanks for listening guys....

Keira xxx

(and this is the first post I have ever used my real name, which
surely must tell you guys how comfortable I feel with you all now!!!)

[hippychick]

Hey all


I'd like to point out that the general forum is a no emet zone. sometimes it's a lil hard for me to make sure all emet topics get to the right place but generally it is no emet and experiences are. Now this is the private forum where people seem to want to post anything and i'd like to ask that we keep the private forum for things we don't want general public members to see only. I have no mod priviliedge here and I cannot move a post once it has been created.