Boyfriend hates me!

[Jannine]

I have a 14 month old and I'm 5 months pregnant! I have to stay strong and push my feelings aside but I'm getting really depressed! My boyfriend is hard to be with but obviously I do love him and have his children.
I keep blaming myself for our dysfunctional relationship... I'm the one with the problems, I'm the freak!
I feel so alone, when I cry infront of my son I feel awful and guilty!
i keep thinking it'll get better but I'm so alone and no-one truly knows me apart from my boyfriend but he just hates me!
He tells me I'm dumb, and I break everything, I feel so small and a waste of space... The more depressed I'm getting the stupider I become and have more accidents, I'm feeling absolutely worthless and like I have nothing to offer my own chrildren. He calls me a freak and it hurts, but he's right!

[Malalcala]

You are not worthless.
You are not stupid.
I do not know you but I am 100% certain that you are a beautiful human who loves her children and is worthy of nothing less than 100% commitment and unconditional love.
No-one who loves you should make you feel that you are a wast of space. You are not. Your kids need you, the world needs you and you DESERVE to feel that way.

All relationships are flawed... they ALL take work but someone who tell you you're dumb is not "working" on building a relationship.

I don't know why you believe you are a freak...I don't know if it's your phobia, depression or something else. Whatever it is.. you are NOT. It simply is not true.

To me it sounds like you need to reach out to a someone... a counselor or someone who knows your situation you can trust who can help guide you... In the meantime though if you need to talk feel free to PM me!

[Jannine]

Thank you Malalcala! I truly appreciate it, your words mean a lot. I just didn't know where else to turn because no-one other than my boyfriend know me... I don't tell anyone else anything about myself!
im just trying to do the best for my 14 month old and my pregnancy.
its hard to be struggling when you feel so alone and the one person who claims they "love you" treats you like absolute crap... Only after I had a breakdown he wanted to "fix things" until it happens again which it always does!
Ive never had a truly loving relationship with anyone, all my relationships have been dysfunctional, with family and past relationships so you just get used to the fact you must be to blame... I'm trying my hardest to make sure my son and daughter on the way have a happy healthy life but I'm scared every single day that they'll end up like me and having my self loathing and dysfunctional relationships... So every day I'm fighting for them, and trying to give everything and appear "normal"