inducing v****

[skactor01]

Ok, here's my story. Iam 18 years old and have suffered from emetophobia since I was 8. Iwas always obsessive about v*****, asking my parents a bunch of questions about it all the time. When I was 8, I got my first panic attack. I just rememberbeing sick, not even n****, but the thought that I could v**** scared me and I panicked. From then on, things just got worse.At 12, my therapist put me on paxil and that actually helped me for 5 years. When I was 14, I actually did v****, and that helped the phobia temporarily, but it came back. However, when I did v****, I wasn't even n**** beforehand, and it just creeped up on me. Never in my life have I just gotten n**** and v****. So, a couple months agoI got off paxil, and realized that my fear was really just a fear of the unknown. I was scared that the feelingof getting n****wouldcome on and I wouldn't know that it would lead to v**** because I had never v**** before when I felt that way. So, I decided to do some self-exposure therapy. I realized that my first fear was a fear of gagging. So, I took anativan and went in the bathroom and gagged myself. Immediately, I felt a wave ofburden off my shoulders. I cried that I had been scared of a stupid thing like gagging for so long. However, then my mind told me to just go get some ipecac andmake myself vomit. My mind argued that I had gagged and felt the feeling of vomiting and that itwasn't that bad, so I should just make myslefv*** and get it over with. So then I had to go on lexapro to get rid of the obsessive thoughts. Recently,my therapist has suggested exposure therepy cumilating inv***ing to combat this phobia. Making myself get n***** and v**** makes sense to me to combat this phobia because I believe my fear is just a fear of the unknown. I think that if I could just v**** a couple of times, I would feel better. Yes, I have v***ed before in my life, but I have never gotten n**** and v****ed. My question is: do you guys think ipecac would work? In my situation in particular of never having gotten n***** and v*****ed before. Making myself gag seemed to work. But will this? Thanks a lot.

[kel12347]

I drank ipecac to induce vomiting in hopes of a cure 3 years ago. I'm still here, and still not cured. It was a terrible day. Go to the treatment forums, and read the "info" thread. You'll find a good hierarchy there that has been tested and really does get rid of this phobia. I'm currently working on step 3. Welcome and good luck!

[skactor01]

Thank you Kel for your reply. Here's the thing. I am completely desensitized to v**** except for the actual v***. I can look at pics, watch movies, watch and hear other people do it, etc.... But I am just nervous of getting n**** and doing it myself because, I believe, I have never gotten really n*** in my life and not had a panic attack. I think that maybe if I was able to get n*** and v*** without panicking through gradual exposure therepy, not flooding, I might be cured. I have tried EMDR already and that didn't work. So, will this inducing v**** work? My therapist wants me to do it a couple of times. I would be willing to do it if I could have some asurance of it working.

[kel12347]

Have you tried going through pictures and videos while imagining that it's you vomiting? Definitely ask Sage about this one, she's cured and is presently every emet's inspiration. She pops in every so often to answer questions, hopefully she can answer this one.

[liriodendron]

If you're afraid of the unknown, You're going to know before hand if
you take the syrup and that isn't going to help the cause IMHO. But if
it will do the trick, it's worth a try. Like you and just about
everyone else here, I don't think it's a brief, expected puke that we
fear, it's a sick puke that can last days with an illness and have a
lot of pain with it. In addition to that, it's a disruption of one's
daily routine and things like fever dreams often accompany an illness.
Memories of which last a lifetime for us e-phobes.

[kjen]

liriodrendon,


what's a fever dream, if u don't mind me asking??!!

[willow2]

hi skactor01,


from what you have said you sound very brave! for me it is also the fear of the gag that really gets me. i feel that is the time when you really loose control. the gag is the thing that really bothers me!! As for inducing v* with ipecac I'm not sure that I owuld avsie it. I have never done it so please don't think to much about what I say but from stories I have heard you don't experience true n* with it. it has been described as a 'wrong' feeling in the stomach but that does represent what n* really is.


not sure just thought i'd let you know what I know!

[skactor01]

That's true, Willow. I've heard that ipecac makes you not actually get n*. Does anyone know if this is true or not?

[kel12347]

It's not true nausea that you feel when you've taken ipecac. It's more of a feeling of pressure and pain. I've tried to block out the memory of it, but I know that it wasn't a "normal" nausea feeling. Also, you have no control over the amount of times you vomit. I had four rounds of vomiting, and was ready to shoot myself by round 3. I even took an anti-emetic, but couldn't keep it down.

[kel12347]

Here is my ipecac story, which is posted on


http://faq.emetophobia.net/cure6.html


WARNING!!!! GRAPHIC!!!!!!!!!!





This is the story of Kelly, a 24-year-old emetophobe who had been suffering from the condition for 13 years and who hadn't vomited in nine years. She took ipecac in February 2003 in an effort to cure herself of emetophobia.


I had been doing graduated exposure therapy (looking at pictures, watching movies) for quite a while, when I finally decided I wasn't getting anywhere. As I fear myself vomiting far more than others vomiting, the pictures and movies weren't helping all that much. So I decided to try ipecac. I've tried almost every other therapy available, except for EMDR and hypnosis, and I finally decided the only way to quit being afraid was just to do it.


I took 1 mg of Lorazepam (a tranquilizer) before taking the ipecac. I let the Lorazepam work while eating a food I didn't like (so that I wouldn't have to further limit my already limited diet), and then I took 15 mL (1 tablespoon) of ipecac. The recommended dose for adults in 30 mL (2 tablespoons, or 1 ounce), but I figured half that would work. Then I sat in the bathroom with my teddy bear and waited for the fun to begin. I had a friend out in the living room watching TV, in case anything happened and I needed help and/or support.


About 10 minutes after taking the ipecac, I started to feel sick. It wasn't panic nausea, or real nausea, even, it was just a "something is very wrong here" feeling in my stomach. The feeling got progressively worse, and I started to hypersalivate. Then I started to dry heave, and seconds later I vomited. First time in nine years!!! I was very very nervous and afraid, but I wasn't panicking. I remember just before I started vomiting, I was just looking at the floor and thinking about how crappy I felt.


Ten to fifteen minutes later it happened again. I brought up vomit three different times during this bout. But at this point, I still wasn't panicking too much. Round three happened about twenty minutes later, when I vomited again. I had really hoped that the second round would be the last, but no such luck. I remember thinking that the worst things about vomiting were actually feeling the vomit come over your tongue, and the smell. During each time that I vomited, I was flushing the toilet the entire time, because I couldn't stand the smell.


After the third time, I felt better. I still had a couple waves of the strange ipecac-induced nausea, but those feelings didn't lead to vomiting. I was sipping water most of this time, because my throat was getting very sore. As you know, ipecac can irritate your chest and throat. About 1 1/2 hours after the third round, I began feeling sick again. At this point I started to panic....a lot. I went to the bathroom, and I remember holding my teddy bear (how sad! I'm 24 and I still have a teddy bear), crying and chanting "please God don't let me puke" over and over again. But I did. The last time was by far the worst for me, I think because I had already been through enough that day. I immediately took Compazine and Pepto, and I waited for another three hours to see if I would be sick again, then went to sleep.


The next morning I still didn't feel very well. I had to attend an event at school, and I remember at one point having to go to the bathroom because I felt that ipecac nausea. Nothing happened though, thankfully. For about 3 days after the ipecac experience, I was utterly terrified and incredibly weepy, I think because of the trauma I just put myself through. The terror felt a little different than the usual emet fear though. It was as if the feeling of just desperately not wanting to vomit because it's incredibly disgusting kind of supplanted the fear. It's rather difficult to explain. Then I had a couple days where I wasn't afraid at all. The obsessive thoughts still popped into my head, but I was able to shut them up without feeling anxi

[skactor01]

Wow, I'm amazed that that story is yours. I'd read it a bunch of times before and I want you to know that even though it didn't cure you, you should be proud of yourself for being so brave. As for me, I don't know if the ipeac would work. I remember that after the last time I vomitted, I had no fear of doing it again. It wasn't untill a couple weeks later that the fear retuned. So if I took the ipecac, I believe all the fear would be in the anticipation to the vomiting. However, I really don't know if I am even going to do this. My therapist said that if we did do this I would have to do it a couple times to be cured. This is a painful thought! But, I'm trying not to think about it now. Again, I'm so impressed with your courage.

[stef]

wow kel... that is truly amazing!! i cud never do that!! skactor, i personally dont think its a good idea to induce v* to try and cure this... heres my story... about 7 months ago i v* for the first time in 15 years, i didnt know wot it was like to v* as i cudnt remember the feeling cos i was 3 when it last happened... i overdrank one night and the next day it happened... GRAPHIC... i remember sitting on the mattress in my lounge room where my friend had slept and sipping water profusely feeling awfully strange... my mum came in and started talking... i suddenly started saying 'i feel sick.. i feel realy realy sick' over and over again... then my mouth started hypersalivating and i knew wot was about to happen... i dont know how, my mind and body just knew... i made my way up the hall to the toilet and my insides were heaving and pushing all over the shop... i dry heaved for ages, my body shook and sweat was running down my face and i was crying yelling, 'mum! mum help... thers nothing coming up'... she didnt hear me... i just wanted someone to be there... i kept dry heaving and eventually a glob of bile came out... it was awful and it hurt... i felt a lot better afterward and wasnt realy scared that it might happen again... however four days later i started having panick attacks and had constant nausea that didnt go away,... i had months of tests at doctors and hospitals and eventually i became agoraphobic and i started recognising signs of anxiety... i was so scared to leave the house cos i kept thinking 'wot if i need to v*?'... this lasted months... i went through many medications, psychiatry, etc and am stil not cured... that day i v* pushed me into a massive hole of fear and depression for many months... i am stil suffering quite badly but am slowly improving... sorry this has been so long and boring but from my experience, i dont recommend putting urself through that trauma.. it will only make the emet surface even uglier... <!--
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[samara's on tv]

Wow Kel. I would NEVER be able to take ipecac to induce Vomiting. NEVER. I want to avoid it at all costs and if never vomiting means being scared of it all the time then I'd probably rather be scared.


GRAPHIC


The last time I Vomited I was scared all through it. I remember sitting at the toilet for probably an hour before it happened. I was really nauseaous and I thought I might vomit so I went into the bathroom and sat down by the toilet. Suddenly I dry heaved a few times and nothing came up. On the third time I threw up a little bit, and then it happened again and I threw up more...it was mostly bile.


Truthfully I never want to vomit ever again...EVER. But if you think that expereincing Vomiting will make you get over your fear then go for it, but according to the story that Kel had I wouldn't attempt it.


~Monica

[skactor01]

Yea, I really am having doubts about going through with the exposure therepy and inducing vomiting. My thereapist wants me to induce vomiting several times. I guess this makes sense. I mean, if I vomit enough, I guess I will just get used to it and accept it as a natural fact of life. But, ugh, what a gross thought. I mean, I don't even thing a non e-phobe would be willing to take ipecac a bunch of times. But, we'll see. I just upped my lexapro to 20 mgs to deal with the obssessive thoughts but now I'm feeling tired alot—although it's definitely better than paxil. I guess in the end I'm just going to have to decide to either do the exposure, or be medicated for the rest of my life. Damn, this sucks. I thought this would just go away naturally as I matured.