really need some peace of mind.

[babyfairy]

i've always had emetophobia but didn't realize it had such a strong connection to my anxiety until maybe a couple years ago. i always just assumed it was normal and everyone was as terrified of vomiting as i am.

up until recently, it wasn't that big of an issue. i'd have panic attacks occasionally but my anxiety was under fairly decent control and i didn't even have to take my meds (i've been on zoloft for years and managed a little over a year without it.)

a little over a month ago, i woke up with BAD anxiety right away because my stomach was bothering me and went to the front door for some fresh air. i panicked so much that i dry heaved but nothing came up. i immediately assumed i was sick and that made my anxiety even worse -- i dry heaved multiple times that day but nothing ever came up at all, but it was like a neverending panic attack. it went on for days and i couldn't sleep or eat at all. i was sleeping on the couch and i was absolutely terrified that i'd dry heave or v* at some point especially during a panic attack. after a few weeks of debate (because my anxiety had actually been bothering me quite a bit prior to this) i started back on my meds and i'm back up to my highest dose of zoloft, 150mg.

about 2 weeks ago i lost a pet and that took a huge toll. it brought my anxiety back and i spent another week on the couch, but no dry heaving/v*ing -- just extreme fear of it happening whenever i had anxiety. i have managed to move back into my room and i can eat again, but every single night around the same time i wake up with anxiety. at this point i feel like i anticipate it so much that i'm inducing it. they last anywhere from a few minutes to about a half hour (which is a huge improvement from the 13 hour long panic attacks i was having a few weeks ago, but still.) and they're starting to take a toll on me.

n* seems to be a relatively new symptom of my anxiety ever since my dry heaving episode, but i'm never 100% sure because it's hard to distinguish between that and my anxiety. having n* as a symptom of anxiety is one of my worst nightmares. these panic attacks have ruined my sleep schedule, and it's hard to force myself to eat a lot of the time, especially at night, because i'm scared i'll wake up and v*. even the slightest feeling of discomfort in my stomach or my throat is enough to make me anxious. i'm scared that my meds won't kick in and i'll be stuck like this forever. i'm scared that one day i'll actually v* from anxiety.

i at least wanted to post here to know that i'm not alone. it's such a scary feeling, i really just wish i could stop worrying about it and be normal like everyone else but i feel like i'm stuck in a cycle and i don't know how to break it. does anyone else suffer from n* as a side effect of panic attacks? how do you deal with it as an emetophobe? i'm exhausted of repeating the same process every single night.

(so sorry for the long post, by the way! it's my first time here.)

[flyaninnocentlife]

aw bless ya, your poor thing! I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug!!! I went through a recent bad patch that was similar to your experience and it was truly horrific and soul destroying. It was the worst I had ever felt in my entire life and the closest I have come to depression because of it.

You are not alone, in fact one of the main effects of an anxiety/panic attack is n*, and it all has a biological reason. I just made a thread explaining all this called "comforting words that help calm me" .. should be fairly easy to find, posted today. If you can, give it a read in case anything resonates with you.

Although typically v* does not normally occur from the normal anxiety attacks themselves, getting yourself so worked up can do - hence the dry heaving. You're not ill, there is nothing to bring up, you're so just exhausted and worked up from it that it is making you dry heave. I had a couple of days of this too at my worst, and you're right - breaking this cycle you're stuck in feels impossible. I eventually got through mine because the Dr gave me a course of anti-sickness tablets for two weeks to relieve the nausea as well as put me on anti-anxiety tablets to just get me out of the patch and let me recover. It worked wonders - and now 4 months later I am off the anti-anxiety meds altogether.

You should seek some help like this too if you haven't already, you shouldn't have to struggle through this. The anti-sickness tabs are Prochlorperazine Maleate (brand name Stemetil)... don't let them fob you off with buccastem - which is the one you put in your gum and let dissolve over an hour or two. Although it is the most common n* medication, and hence the Dr's go to first, it's not best for treating anxiety related n* and never worked for me. The Pro.Meleate took 1 - 2 days to build up in my system and take full effect, so don't stress (like I did) when I still felt s* the same day...but it really did get rid of my n*, and it was such a relief!!!

I got through that awful period, and although I am still very much emetophobic, I feel comforted knowing there is a method of treatment I can go back to if it gets really bad again. I still get the odd attack for a day or two, but I am in a better place to cope with it now. I don't go to full blown panic attack straight away like I used to.

You WILL get past this episode, and you will come out stronger for it. If you need someone to talk to or just unload your brain to, feel free to message me anytime

[andee]

Hi!! I so understand what you are going through!! I used to have awful panic attacks at night too, and I think sometimes they made me "sick". And I always get n* when I'm anxious, and it becomes a vicious cycle, trying to calm down, not feeling good, worrying why, what if?? And I am very underweight because I have a hard time eating when I don't feel right. It can be really difficult, but I am slowly learning that not every twinge in your stomach is bad, that you can be anxious and not have it turn into something awful. You can start to turn it around, calm yourself, etc. I do take meds, Lexapro, and Ativan for anxiety...very helpful, but I try to only do Ativan when I really need it because it can be addictive. Anyway, hope this helps a little. Just try to remind yourself that it's only anxiety...do something you enjoy or that's relaxing to take your mind off it. Hugs and take care!!

[babyfairy]

thank you both so much! it's been such a struggle but at the very least i'm able to work through my anxiety without using meds now. at the worst of it i was taking xanax, and it helped a little, but xanax makes me feel very sad and hopeless. having to choose between that or anxiety is really hard.

finding this forum and knowing there are other people out there who know what i'm going through is so comforting i could cry. feeling alone for so long was one of the worst parts of it. i'm so thankful to have a supportive family, and now i'm even more thankful to be part of a supportive community, too. i really appreciate the help!

[babyfairy]

hehe whoops, i replied twice.

[cottonbreak104]

OMG! Can't even tell you how many times I dry heaved from anxiety long ago! Especially bad after a bad breakup one time. Best way to break the cycle is not focusing on ridding yourself of the anxiety... distract yourself and find things to fill your mind with. I found that so long I was trying to control my fear but then I was still thinking of it all the time because I was wondering if I was anxious about it or if I was doing better. Finally I just got so sick of being miserable all the time and got some great friends and a wonderful boyfriend and some REALLY terrible hobbies like watching reality TV and gossiping with my friends about it, as well as shopping online and never buying anything (LOL!) It got to the point where I would think "wow I have thought about v* or had anxiety in weeks!" then weeks turned to months! Every now and then something happens, but it REALLY helps to know how to refocus and get back to your new normal ! (only on here because my boyfriend had TERRIBLE fp* and it was a really bad trigger, like holy moly and had a wee-bit of a relapse but I am feeling better now already! Great movies on TV tonight, AND now I am just enjoying writing people about how I have kicked 99% of my emet)

You have a new life in front of you! I promise you that!