Relationship/ Lack of Emet understanding

[RIV]

Hi all,

I just was wondering if anyone could pass on a bit of advice for me regarding relationships and the hurdles you may have faced with a partner and their understanding of this issue.

Just a little about me; I am a 24 year old male from rural Australia, I am a normal, rugby loving, burly bloke that you would not expect to have this severe fear. When I was 8 I got rota and that launched the fear. Anyway my fear completely revolves around SV.

I have been with my girlfriend for over 9 years, almost a decade. We are high school sweethearts, if you may. Being the country bloke that I am I have always just kept a bit of a low key with the emet talk, she knows I hate v and get anxious, which is common for most people, but she didn't know about any of the crap that I go through on a daily basis regarding it, I am not one to diverge into my struggles, I love helping others. I have been seeing professionals though which has been good and I would not consider myself to be critically depressed, as the only thing that makes me sad is emet, and sometimes (for hours) I can forget about it and live a happy life. I also am striving to complete goals of mine.

Last night I did have a huge anxious moment, during a dinner with her family, I had an anxious day thinking about exams and no appetite, so we can all understand what thoughts were going through my mind. I hid it from everyone until we got home and she could tell I was upset/ anxious about something.

Anyway, I decided to talk about it with her and just give her a brief outlining about it, and how it was a bit bad. There are no secrets in the relationship, she knows when i see the therapist about "my fear of vomitting". However she said some things along the lines of "grow up", "be a man", "i am shocked that you would let yourself get to this point", "you're a normal, strong guy, this is for attention". It was all such a shock as everyone who knows her knows how accepting she is of everything, but look at this? Not accepting me.

And to be frank I was completely crushed, someone of 9 years said this. Devastated. Anyway, I always talk on here saying that it is important for us all to talk with our partners/ find a male that is understanding (i thought it would be difficult). However my female partner was horrid and It has shattered me. Speechless, I cannot look at her, I have gone to my friends house for now.

Has anyone else had something similar happen, I wont do anything brash, my mind is blown.

Thanks so much in advance. I will note that my parents are very supportive, but I cant tell them about what she has said because its embarrassing.

Riv

[Lorna_]

Well, that was pretty rude.. o.o
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Nobody should be made to feel dejected and ashamed like that. I completely understand what you're saying, and there is no fault in being anxious about things like that.
I agree with your point of not doing anything brash. That's not gonna help anything. And although I don't appreciate what your girlfriend did at all, I'm gonna say that, in my experience of understanding.. some people have moments of not quite, I don't know, getting it. In no way is that your fault, but sometimes people just don't understand. My father, mother, they can be the most understanding people when it comes to this phobia.. but sometimes it's just like a light has been flicked off, and they just do not get it. I think it's hard to understand any mental illness/problem/anything when the person is not going through it.
Have you tried couples counselling? I don't know, maybe that could help? Just like my parents, she could use some help understanding the mind of a person going through something like you're going through a little better. Never blame yourself with this, and remember that you're allowed to feel devastated.
*In no way do I mean to offend your girlfriend and make her look like a bad person. I'm sure she is a great girl, and I am not criticising her in anyway. I think you both would benefit from talking about this and figuring out your next steps*.

[RIV]

Well, that was pretty rude.. o.o
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Nobody should be made to feel dejected and ashamed like that. I completely understand what you're saying, and there is no fault in being anxious about things like that.
I agree with your point of not doing anything brash. That's not gonna help anything. And although I don't appreciate what your girlfriend did at all, I'm gonna say that, in my experience of understanding.. some people have moments of not quite, I don't know, getting it. In no way is that your fault, but sometimes people just don't understand. My father, mother, they can be the most understanding people when it comes to this phobia.. but sometimes it's just like a light has been flicked off, and they just do not get it. I think it's hard to understand any mental illness/problem/anything when the person is not going through it.
Have you tried couples counselling? I don't know, maybe that could help? Just like my parents, she could use some help understanding the mind of a person going through something like you're going through a little better. Never blame yourself with this, and remember that you're allowed to feel devastated.
*In no way do I mean to offend your girlfriend and make her look like a bad person. I'm sure she is a great girl, and I am not criticising her in anyway. I think you both would benefit from talking about this and figuring out your next steps*.

Thanks Lorna for your reply, I enjoyed it a lot and look forward to the input from others as well.

I hate that people refuse to get educated on mental illness and put up a wall of ignorance towards it, in Australia it is particularly bad. I am so lucky with my parents as they are both from medical backgrounds so they just get everything.

I would hate to have to go to couples counselling, I hate that we are young and that my burden has caused her to lash out. I sort of through I would have been great to battle this all alone. The thing that caused me the most offence was that how we do a lot of things for others and I for once, showed a little bit of need. The point where you speak of the light being flicked off, its as if she has tolerance/understanding/caring for everything but i needed help once and the light was off.

I know you aren't making her sound bad, she is such a great, lovely human and incredibly intelligent. Just sort of hit me. Ill head to the gym, weights always makes me feel a bit better!

Thanks again for your reply!

[Afdpt]

Wow that does sound like it would be heartbreaking to go through, I'm sorry it happened.

It's always hardest when the ones you love the most and are closest to in the world surprise you in such a negative way like that.

I think it would be important to talk to her about how her words made you feel. Let her know that you felt crushed, devastated, and unaccepted. I'm sure she didn't mean for you to feel that way but I think it's important that you let her know. Do it in a way that doesn't make her feel attacked which may fuel a fight way beyond what this needs to be. Once you clear the air on that it may lead into a conversation about your phobia and allow her to understand what you're going through and to be more understanding/accepting. Encourage her to ask questions and try to make this part of your life less of a secret.

Good luck!