How to tell loved ones about emet...

[kmjundt]

I have been thinking about this a lot. I have told no one about my phobia, and really want to tell my husband. He was sick with ansv in October and he thought I thought he was gross because I didn't sleep in the bed with him for 2 days while he was sick. I just don't know how to even begin to tell him or explain this phobia to him. Any suggestions would be great.

[babygap5]

I told my boyfriend of 8 years only last year about my phobia. He laughed at first, but than I explained to him what happens to me when I'm in extreme "EMET" mode and he kinda got it. Than I took him to this website and he read some of the posts and he understood it wasn't just something that was effecting me, alot of people suffer from it. He's then be really supportive. Every time he gets a tummy ache, I tend to ask him over and over again if he's ok. Most of the time he's fine, just gassy or bloated. Every time I ask him (which is like a dozen times every 10 mins) he just smiles and answers me. He understands it makes me feel better needing that reassurance that he is ok.


I would show this site to your family. Explain that it's a fear, just like any other fear. Express to your family that you need support every now and then and that you are determined to beat this thing. Ever since I told my boyfriend, and my mom, I feel lessed stressed when i'm having an EMET moment, because I don't have to hide my anxiety. I can just act the way I feel and they understand.

[pretty polly]

I faced this issue with my husband. Someone told me to get him to
look at the paper that is in the Treatments thread that Sage wrote. I
showed it to him - he probably read half of it, and then just shrugged
and said "oh, so this is what you've got today is it?"
I was pretty mad because he just didn't believe that this was
something that I didn't choose to have. In his opinion its something
we can stop or perhaps at least suppress....and obviously its not!
To be honest, you are very lucky if your loved ones are
understanding about it. And supportive.
Since telling my husband and getting such a unco-operative response
I have not and will not tell anyone else...tis just a cross I am going to
have to bear on my own! [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]
So get them to look at this site and what Sage has written, and then
tell them everything you feel - including all the little rituals you have
(go on, even the silly ones!) and see how you go....
Best of luck to you - may it go better than it did for me!

[dord]

Pretty Polly,


I'm really sorry about the reaction your husband gave you, I think it was really crappy of him!I really believe the only ones who can truly understand this phobia are the ones of us with it. My husband knows there is a clinical name for my phobia and that it's real but he doesn't understand what it's like to have it....I guess I can't expect him too. I am suprised at how differently if affects each of us on the board.


km - I think you should try and explain it to your husband as best you can but I still believe non-emets just can't get it.I don't get being scared of heights or flying although I know lots of people have those phobias but thankfully I don't,I can empathize but I can't truly understand how they feel. Same goes with folks trying to understand our phobia. Getting sick is just a fact of life to them - not a fear like it is for us. Good luck - I hope he will be as understanding and emphathetic as possible.

[kmjundt]

Thanks guys, I'm really nervous about telling him. I have no idea how he is going to take it. I kind of think he's not going to take it very seriously. But I do think that if I show him this site it will help to show him that it's not just me and it's a real phobia. I think the reason I have never told anyone is because I'm afraid of that vulnerability, I hate having attention put on me and I'm afraid that once I tell someone and they are with me when there's a v* situation, they are going to be looking at me like..."What's she going to do?" Hope that makes sense to you.

[babygap5]

Trust me, if someone is v*, they aren't going to drop everything and stare at you like you have 3 heads or something. They are going to be more concerned with the person who is sick that what you are feeling. What might happen, is that they will become more sensitive around you, like, if someone you know is sick, they might not tell you in great detail what is wrong with them, you know, so that they don't make you worry. Don't you feel better when you don't know things like who has a sv? I know I do. So, that might be a great positive that comes from you telling him and your family. I know it's hard, I was scared to, but I realized that if I didn't tell him, he was going to continue to think there was something seriously mentally wrong with me. Every time he would get sick, I run into the living room, hide in the corner like a little kid, crouch down, cover my ears, and start singing "you are my sunshine" over and over again until it's done with. At least, he understands that this is terrifying for me, and he understands that I can't be there to help him when he is sick.


If he should laugh, and not take it seriously, than I would seriously rethink how worthy he is to be in the relationship with you, if he isn't going to support you. It's hard when your actual family doesn't support you, but I know if my guy just laughed it off, and didn't want to try to accept me for me, he would be history.

[samara's on tv]

My parents actually knew that I was emetophobic before I even knew the word for it. When I was a kid I used to run away from people who were V*ing. I would freak out and everything. I just recently found out the name to the phobia. But I sent them information on it and they realized that it wasn't just me out there that had this problem. It was nice to be able to tell people about it because I hate keeping in bottled up inside. Sometimes it's easier to just tell someone else cause it sort of lifts a burden off of your shoulders.



~Monica

[*mandi*]

Still no one understands this phobia! MY mom still doesnt get it. She just says "nobody likes to get sick" and still finds it necesary to tell me about kids at acholl who were V*


Ive been with my b/f for 4 years. He sort of understands to an extent. He's still the type that says "no one likes to get sick" He knows that I get crazy if I start to feel nasueas...and I think sometimes he thinks im a big baby


Im still pondering over if I should show my loved ones the printout on here from sage about emetephobia. Im afraid everyeone will just laugh at me and think im nuts. So maybe you should print it out and show them?

[ontariogirl]

I told no one! Then after seeing this guy for 6 years I told him and I told my eldest son he was 16 or 17 at the time.
I can't tell you enough how much weight was lifted off my shoulders, it was incredible. He didn't understand the phobia but now understands me. I was so good at hiding my fear along with the panic attacks, I made up so many excuses for not going out to places with him that I was running out of excuses. It got to the point that he thought I didn't want to be around him because I didn't go out with him a lot. When I told him he was like what? I spoke from my heart and soul, I told him everything about the phobia and a little about my past ( somethings I kept to myself and only posted here). When the stomach bug is in my home he understands how I act. How I clean with the lysol, go on my diet for 3-4 days, how I sleep on the couch etc. Your husband may not 100% understand but at least he will listen to you and understand you better. I am glad I opened up!!

[pretty polly]

Ontario Girl I can completely relate to what you said. Talking about
it really does make you feel better. I'm glad you told your family.
Its good that they understood and didn't mock you. As I posted
earlier, my husband doesn't "get it". Infact, strange as it may sound,
I felt almost "dirty" talking to him about it. Like it was a really taboo
subject - and his responses didn't help. He calls me an "ementalist",
whatever that means. And if anything is stressing me out, he says
"don't start having one of your episodes, just pull yourself together
woman!" Its hard when they don't empathise with you. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[ontariogirl]

It is hard prettypolly. Remembering back to when this phobia started, how I felt alone and screwed up. I think if I didn't have the support that I have now I would be feeling the same way as I did when I was 9. When I told him about my phobia he really didn't understand how some one can be so petrified of vomiting; I said to him, you know how you are so afraid of drowning and you won'tput yourself in that situation, how you become overwhelmed? how your heart starts to beat fast, you feel the panic? He said yes. Well that is how I feel, what I go through!! So he can understand but not fully 100%.
His father died when he was little, his mother took it real bad. His mother became to lose it and tried to drown him in the bathtub, he remembers this and it was like 40 years ago when it happened. He is petrified of drowning!

[kmjundt]

I like the idea of trying to put it in terms that they can relate to. My husband has a fear of dogs, so by me telling him that the way he feels when a dog is walking towards him is sort of the way I feel in a v* situation. It's funny how people are not afraid to, or embarrassed to mention other fears, such as spiders or heights. I too have a fear of heights and have no problem what so ever telling anyone, but when it comes to this fear, I just feel so ashamed to tell anyone.

[mistyeyes]

I have been thinking about this a lot. I have told no one about my phobia, and really want to tell my husband. He was sick with ansv in October and he thought I thought he was gross because I didn't sleep in the bed with him for 2 days while he was sick. I just don't know how to even begin to tell him or explain this phobia to him. Any suggestions would be great.

You are lucky! There is no way my loved ones could NOT know about my emet. It's too obvious. LOL

[futuredr]

I was really interested to read this thread. I have never told anyone about the emet, although I think when I was really young my parents were aware of it. I think they probably think I have grown out of it (especially considering that I'm going to be a Doctor!). In some ways I think and hope that I am growing out of it and doing what I do has been a kind of therapy in itself. I think not telling anyone has almost been a way of making it not real, which I know is a bad thing. But at the same time, I'm doing so well that I don't see why I should change.


I have wondered whether to tell my boyfriend (4 years) because I know he would be understanding, and it would be good to share my concerns about actually becoming a Dr with someone (he's a med student too). But I just can't bear for him to suddenly be aware of certain things i do sometimes.

[sela]

Pretty Polly,



I am a total newbie here and I have had EMETS all my life....am now
29. I only just in the last 3 months actually admitted it to
myself and did some research and found this site. I have always
had major anxiety/panic etc. but never wanted to admit what the real
issue was. When I discovered it, I told my sister first....she
was awesome, talked to me about it, doesn't understand how it feels,
but trys to understand me. I was terrified to tell my hubby....he
doesn't even really beleive anxiety disorders are real and is very fond
of saying 'just get a grip' or 'you just have to deal with it'....yah
right! Anyway, I finally worked up the courage to tell him and
even show him sage's info.....well I got the exact same response from
him....'oh so this is what you have today huh....this is your new
excuse'...lovely eh? Anyway, I have since been dealing on my
own...my sis helps me....I have talked to my doc about it as well and
she started me on celexa (which I was terrified to take, due to the
v*** potential) but I am so sick of having no control over my life,
that I said to h*** with it, I am gonna do it. Anyway, it is not
too bad so far....only a week in, so we will see. I am so bad
right now that I am bordering on agorophobia and have just got my real
estate license, so as you can imagine, the two don't go well
together. Anyway, I also happen to be in Vancouver, BC, and
contacted Sage, who has agreed to see me....HORRAY!!! I can't
wait to get started.



Sorry, I got off track there...back to my point about my hubby....last
night, I had a very serious chat with him about it again and said I
would rather have no support then the back-handed support you are
giving me....I think this woke him up a bit and I went on the explain
it as best I could. I said, think of your worst fear and how it
makes you feel.....now think about having that invade your thoughts and
life every second of every day.....with no escape. I think this
may have opened his eyes somewhat....but my suggestion to everyone is
to persist....talk about it....explain what you feel and are going
through and DON'T GIVE UP. I am going to beat this thing and
reclaim my life.......period.



Thanks for listening to/reading my rant.........sorry it was so long
and run on....but its my first post here and seeing as I have only told
three people in my life and have suffered for 29 years.....this is HUGE
step.



Best of luck and love to all of you........I will keep you posted on my progress!