My life is out of control

[DillonAitken]

Hi guys, I told myself I would avoid coming here during attacks to break my bad behaviour, but I need some help for real.

For the past few years, I've had recurring bouts of anxiety lasting months at a time, usually disappearing during the summer. However, starting when I went back to college last year, it hasn't gone away since. I had to drop out of college because of my anxiety in May, and arranged to start my course from the beginning in August this year. However, it hasn't gone away this summer and is just getting worse to the point where most of my attacks result in me feeling very light headed and nauseated - even though light headedness only comes when I'm at my worst.

I just cannot live with feeling deadly sick every time I think about leaving my house or think about sickness in general. It used to be that I would only feel bad before school/college, but now I feel bad whenever I'm going out or even think about going out. I would call myself agoraphobic at this point.
I took some blood tests a few weeks ago, and was really hoping they would find something that could be treated, but all four test came back completely clean. I also requested contact with a therapist, but instead was given a sheet of paper with some self-help websites on, which I have seen from reading about anxiety for years now. People tell me that once I understand why I feel bad, it will go away, but I understand it more than anyone, right down to the chemical process - yet I don't feel any better.

I'm scared about going back to college in August. I made special arrangements and this is my only chance to redeem my career and make it through. I really need help sorting out my life so I can get on track and be happy.

[paulinek]

I'm sorry you're suffering like this. Your anxiety levels sound through the roof. You need to push for the therapy - if you don't feel up for the fight can someone do it on your behalf? I know this feels like your let chance with college but trust me, it's not. I'm not recommend in you don't go back in August but if you're barely able to leave the house and it starts in a week or two I'm not sure that realistically you're going to manage attending your classes? I'd be honest with the college about your situation as a further postponement may be possible but these things are easier for them to arrange with advance warning rather than you do a few classes and then drop out iykwim?

If you think you can manage to go then that's great please don't take it I'm telling you not to go merely that you do have other options and that you're life isn't screwed up forever if you don't go this August.

[DillonAitken]

I'm sorry you're suffering like this. Your anxiety levels sound through the roof. You need to push for the therapy - if you don't feel up for the fight can someone do it on your behalf? I know this feels like your let chance with college but trust me, it's not. I'm not recommend in you don't go back in August but if you're barely able to leave the house and it starts in a week or two I'm not sure that realistically you're going to manage attending your classes? I'd be honest with the college about your situation as a further postponement may be possible but these things are easier for them to arrange with advance warning rather than you do a few classes and then drop out iykwim?

If you think you can manage to go then that's great please don't take it I'm telling you not to go merely that you do have other options and that you're life isn't screwed up forever if you don't go this August.

Living in Scotland, I don't really get to pick and choose when I go to college because the funding is paid for me by an outside company. This really is my one chance and I intend to push through it like I did for two years, as long as I get help soon and don't end up missing class at the end of the year.

[paulinek]

Ah right I assumed you were in America lol ikwym about the funding now, I thought you were just on a bog standard type of course you could do any time.

Ok, well, I still think you need to talk to them and be open about how you're feeling health wise, anxiety is much more commonly understood now and they will want to help you. There may be ways of you only having to go in for minimum hours and do more distance learning online maybe? Or at least if yourse struggling and need to,go outside and calm down or something they'll know why and not give you a hard time for leaving class. Idk, it depends what you're studying.

You still need to fight for that therapy though, you can self refer in some nhs areas so it might be worth a Google to see what's available where you live. Good luck and we're all here to help if you need us.

[DillonAitken]

Ah right I assumed you were in America lol ikwym about the funding now, I thought you were just on a bog standard type of course you could do any time.

Ok, well, I still think you need to talk to them and be open about how you're feeling health wise, anxiety is much more commonly understood now and they will want to help you. There may be ways of you only having to go in for minimum hours and do more distance learning online maybe? Or at least if yourse struggling and need to,go outside and calm down or something they'll know why and not give you a hard time for leaving class. Idk, it depends what you're studying.

You still need to fight for that therapy though, you can self refer in some nhs areas so it might be worth a Google to see what's available where you live. Good luck and we're all here to help if you need us.

I was in talks with a counsellor at the college before I left so they know the situation. As for therapy, I have a couple numbers so I'm gonna try them.

[paulinek]

That's good, definitely give them a call, you don't have to live like this. I was in a pretty similar situation to you many years ago and it's a miserable existence. Take all the help you can to get better.