OT: Depression Symptoms?

[LuckyNumbers]

Hey everyone, I hope you're all doing well
I've been feeling a whole lot of negative feelings lately that correspond with the symptoms of depression, but I don't want to be too quick to self-diagnose. So if anyone has or understands how depression feels, can I get a few opinions on whether I have the early signs of depression, or whether I'm just going through a temporary rough patch?

Over the last 3 or so months, I keep on focusing on negative things, especially the fact that I have emetophobia and I have to live with the possibility of getting triggered on a daily basis. I also feel a lack of confidence that has never been an issue for me - I'm not usually shy, but lately I seem to want to distance myself from the spotlight more often than not. I feel very disconnected with reality at times, and I have a lot of trouble connecting with people, especially friends and family. I want to be on my own a lot, and I feel like no one quite understands me. Even though I know I have friends at school, I just can't seem to click with them. Finally, sometimes I feel numb to things around me; if someone were to try and make me laugh, or if someone in front of me was crying, I'd feel numb... almost like I wouldn't care. All these negative feelings seem to have been more noticeable after a breakup that happened towards the end of last year.

Even though I feel all that, I still feel like there are positive things in my life... this is what's making me think that I might just be 'going through a rough patch'. I don't feel worthless or guilty, or completely hopeless, and I don't hate myself. I don't feel like I'm drowning or suffocating in sadness, which gives me hope that I'm not getting depression. I also have optimism for my future, and I keep thinking that things are going to get better sooner or later.

This has been on my mind for quite a while, and I feel like this forum is the only way I can express these thoughts right now - I don't want people to think I'm attention seeking or being ridiculous by saying all this. For those who have depression, I'm very sorry you have to go through such a debilitating condition on top of emet. My thoughts are with you <3

[XDark_MinxX]

I have chronic depression (with major depressive episodes) so I understand what you are going through. Everyone goes through a depressive stage in their lives. I'm no doctor but it does sound like minor depression, especially when it comes to apathy (not feeling other peoples emotions). Depression with emet sucks! The problem with depression is the stigma, people call us attention seekers and often tell us to deal with it, which is frustrating.

It is a myth that with depression you are never happy, people can have depression and still experience positive emotions. You can have good days and bad days with it, the thing to remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel! If your depression worsens please see a doctor, but it seems that you are coping very well, you'll get out of this soon!

[Maige]

I've been diagnosed with depression, have been for around 9 years now, and just like what Dark Minx said, the whole 'depressed people are never happy' thing is a myth. I have days where I'm fully content, where it feels like I have no depression at all - but I still have it. I have many happy moments, but I still have depression.
People can have varying levels of depression. Some people are far worse off, and have way less positive moments, and more often than not have those hopeless, terrible moments. There are other people with more minor depression who have a lot of good days, but still have those bad days. It's very good to see you're dealing with it the best you can so far, try to keep that up!

[LuckyNumbers]

Thanks Dark Minx and Maige - I'll keep in mind what you've both said. If my feelings get worse, I'll make sure to talk to a doctor about it. Hope you're both doing well!