Just a bit of an encouragement to you all as I believe I have recovered maybe 30% from emet. Don't worry, no triggers....unfortunately no stories on how I made it through an *incident* however, since new year, I have tested myself. I told myself to live emet-free. I decided to cut down on obsessive hand washing(very risky at this time!) And have told myself only to come on this site in either very bad circumstances and/or to check up on you guys whilst we battle this evil thing. And, my favourite one, for the first time in a long time, when I hear "I've thrown up"... I only allow myself to have THE fear for ten minutes tops. Then I try telling myself " Uuuh, its just someone coughing. It's not a big deal, I've got a degree to get through so come on!" Weirdly, this has helped. It truly is a mental game....
Something pretty massive happened to me and my ex around a month ago, I was faced with proper stress. Like feeling as though I'd shot someone stress. I finished our 1 1/2 relationship all of a sudden and my stomach turned for a good week. Weirdly, the prime focus was my ex. At one point I REALLY felt like I wanted to v* when he brought a friend over and I smelt their dinner...I left the room and the panic only set in after I moved the real obstacle out the way... At that point I realised "woah, I'm actually not caring too much about my stomach...I'm focused on John" (my ex)... So I guess what I'm trying to say is fixating your FULL attention on something will most definitely HELP if you're feeling n*. I still struggle with that one but all I know is, I never came so close to v*ing in ages and I think it was the fact that I knew it was stress that made me calm, as I knew I could control it with enough willpower....As soon as I broke up with him I knew I had to get home(2 hours from my city)...The first few days were bad. I refused to finish meals. But with a nice attitude from my amazing parents, I was tricked into eating ALOT more... They took me to a real nice store as they had won vouchers and we were allowed a good £100 worth of food. They told me to chose a ton of my favourite meals and though I felt hopeless and pointless as I had no appetite, I chose away. They cooked me the most awesome food for a full week and gradually I found myself eating three meals again..they also told me to join them for a film everynight and a walk in the evening...which was very very relaxing. I stayed for over a fortnight with this pattern and I can happily say, even after eating the spiciest, riskiest(one night we had chicken and it looked pink!) And delicious food, I have gained a good five/six pounds. I have barely had any n* or even acid reflux or stomach pain. I started sleeping without thinking "what if someone's sick tonight!!" And managed to get a good eight hours in everynight. Maybe a miracle has happened or maybe my body is thanking me for feeding it properly....this is just a little heads up for you guys, you may go through this paradise yourselves one day. Unfortunately, my anxiety has kicked back in since I've been back at Uni. Started last night, I was on a walk with my friend through the city and felt what I now know was hunger...but, cos I'm so used to eating every 2/3 hours...I left it four hours and suddenly went hot from panic...I thought about all the people who have been sick recently and told my friend "I might have the bug, must go home! Is that OK?"... Sadly emet won that time. Turns out I was completely fine when I got home. Oh well.
Furthermore, as the title of this post reads. This phobia lives off anxiety. Like I know v* is the worst thing to death but I think what I've noticed is that n* has turned into our worst nightmare as we are scared of the outcome... I try and think of it like buying lottery tickets every fortnight. There's some people I know who run down to the local shop to buy a good 21 tickets every weekend.. They've been doing it for 10 years straight. Only once have they won £10. That's pretty much the majority of us on here.... Everyday we fear "it", hoping it won't happen although we put so much time and effort and even money into the 'fear' an the 'thrill'...when for most of us, we haven't even v* for a good amount of time. So next time you're scared or even n*, try thinking of the lottery couple....who knows, they may win £5 but that's honestly not worth the spending of a decade!
I hope you guys have some recovery stories too as I'd love to hear some