My hatred of babies and reproduction--not emet

[sdfl]

Agreed. Even if her thoughts are/ might be a bit misguided, allow her to make her own discoveries and conclusions.

[maeflower]

Whoa, whoa whoa, now that's a bit much. Please recognize that this is a nineteen year old, first of all, and remember that her opinion has zero bearing on your life. You can disagree with how she feels (as others have respectfully done), but to throw around names like "cruel" and "thoughtless" is pretty ridiculous. It isn't like she's going around screaming at women in fertility clinics. How many opinions do you have regarding people and their decisions that you may be in the minority of? Are you also a terrible person then? Just because she feels this way about pregnancy or motherhood doesn't mean she's a bad person.

Agreed. Calling her names is overkill.

[Charzy14]

Whoa, whoa whoa, now that's a bit much. Please recognize that this is a nineteen year old, first of all, and remember that her opinion has zero bearing on your life. You can disagree with how she feels (as others have respectfully done), but to throw around names like "cruel" and "thoughtless" is pretty ridiculous. It isn't like she's going around screaming at women in fertility clinics. How many opinions do you have regarding people and their decisions that you may be in the minority of? Are you also a terrible person then? Just because she feels this way about pregnancy or motherhood doesn't mean she's a bad person.

Regarding kthomas629, she did not "throw around names"... it clearly stated that she (redastrid) SOUNDS selfish, cruel, thoughtless, etc.... there is a difference. Also, we all have our own opinions (including 19 year olds), and if someone throws out their own opinions and OBVIOUSLY wants a reaction/response, then it is other peoples' rights to do so as well. This is a touchy subject for many and if the original poster wants to spout off her beliefs, well then we can too. The original post truly does sound cruel and heartless... and to say all of those things about how unethical it is to have a biological child?... and to adopt instead? And to say it is selfish for mothers to want their own children? Clearly there is a disconnect here. So if anyone wants to say I am a terrible person for stating that I can't state my opinion and say that the original post is a crock of sh** and is a very sensitive subject, so be it.

[redastrid]

Regarding kthomas629, she did not "throw around names"... it clearly stated that she (redastrid) SOUNDS selfish, cruel, thoughtless, etc.... there is a difference. Also, we all have our own opinions (including 19 year olds), and if someone throws out their own opinions and OBVIOUSLY wants a reaction/response, then it is other peoples' rights to do so as well. This is a touchy subject for many and if the original poster wants to spout off her beliefs, well then we can too. The original post truly does sound cruel and heartless... and to say all of those things about how unethical it is to have a biological child?... and to adopt instead? And to say it is selfish for mothers to want their own children? Clearly there is a disconnect here. So if anyone wants to say I am a terrible person for stating that I can't state my opinion and say that the original post is a crock of sh** and is a very sensitive subject, so be it.

I am more than willing to have a conversation. You're right, that is why I was posting in the first place. Would you be willing to explain your point of view to me? I am genuinely interested, and while it may seem obvious to you, I honestly cannot understand unless you spell out for me why you think mothers should have biological children.

[CMM811]

I am more than willing to have a conversation. You're right, that is why I was posting in the first place. Would you be willing to explain your point of view to me? I am genuinely interested, and while it may seem obvious to you, I honestly cannot understand unless you spell out for me why you think mothers should have biological children.

I've tried to think of a way to put it into words, but it's impossible. The feeling of growing a human inside of you, feeling it move, hiccup, giving birth, loving someone so much you've never seen, nursing all of it is a feeling. It isn't words, it's a indescribable feeling, every moment of everyday for the rest of your life it's a love like no other, a bond like no other, and no words can truly explain why a mother wants to be a mother to her own biological child.

[Charzy14]

I am more than willing to have a conversation. You're right, that is why I was posting in the first place. Would you be willing to explain your point of view to me? I am genuinely interested, and while it may seem obvious to you, I honestly cannot understand unless you spell out for me why you think mothers should have biological children.

If you still cannot understand after reading posts from others in response to your initial post, then I don't know what to tell you. I will say, mothers are given ovaries for a reason and have the wonderful privilege of having children of their own. It is every woman's right to have a child that is part of her blood and the child's father's. It is a beautiful thing and you just don't see it obviously. Adoption isn't always an option, as I am sure you read others that said the same thing. I am a mental health therapist and have worked with MANY adopted children (still do) and their adoptive parents, so I know how it works and what it entails. I chose to have my own children; my choice, my right, and my life. Just because I chose to have my own, doesn't make me a bad person. No need for me to explain a long-winded novel explaining my reasoning. I know that I love my 5 biological children and that is all that matters. I don't need to "spell it out" to you, per your request. If you ask me, I think you have a distorted view and you should realize that if you are going to bash others for having their own children, then you need to understand that you will get told things you don't want to hear. I am no longer wasting my time on this thread, as I believe you like to keep the fire burning and it is a waste of my time.

[Toad]

Are you me? Because I feel EXACTLY the same!!! And what with today being Mother's Day and all, I feel disgusted. Reproduction is not special or a miracle or even very difficult - Moms are not "chauffeurs and nurses and chefs" - people earn those job titles by hard work and dedication, not by pushing a flesh monster out of their bodies.

I have a 13 month old son, now I never particularly wanted children not due to emet but for many other reasons. Reproduction can be a very difficult thing! I had a stillborn daughter before I had my son and was told I would never have children. I was lucky that I did. And actually we are all of those jobs, we work 24/7 no breaks, np holiday. You have been unbelievable offensive to all mothers and I hope that you never have anyone make you feel this way

[paulinek]

I think this thread has gone as far as it can without descending in to one big argument. Redastrid is entitled to her opinions, although they could have been worded in a less inflammatory way. I'm a mum, I love my son with all my heart and other peoples opinions on motherhood aren't going to change that or affect me in any way and I'm sure that goes for all the other mums on here.

[redastrid]

I'm really not sure how I could have possibly worded my opinion in a less "inflammatory" way. I understand that we all have very different world views. My interest is in epidemiology and public health, I am happily adopted, I have terrible genes that I would never want to pass on, and I work with children with serious behavioral issues. I personally would not feel comfortable creating another human when I know the Ganges is nothing but an open sewer at this point, and I see every day how even in the developing world we are failing our children.

I understand that those of you who disagree with me have a very different world view and likely feel a religious obligation as well that I will never experience. I understand why you would have your own children if adoption was not an option. What I don't understand is why so many people never consider it for a second.

[KimberlyP]

I'm really not sure how I could have possibly worded my opinion in a less "inflammatory" way. I understand that we all have very different world views. My interest is in epidemiology and public health, I am happily adopted, I have terrible genes that I would never want to pass on, and I work with children with serious behavioral issues. I personally would not feel comfortable creating another human when I know the Ganges is nothing but an open sewer at this point, and I see every day how even in the developing world we are failing our children.

I understand that those of you who disagree with me have a very different world view and likely feel a religious obligation as well that I will never experience. I understand why you would have your own children if adoption was not an option. What I don't understand is why so many people never consider it for a second.

Then don't have kids and respect those who do.

There we go, now this thread can die.

[momof5]

I have met many family's who have 6 or more children that also have adopted 3 or 4 more children, some with special needs. I am a Christian and believe God has a special purpose for every person he places on this earth. Not every person likes kids, babies or pregnant people and that's just the way the Lord made you. Now being a midwife involves much more than just birthing a baby in most cases. There's before care, and alot of times you have to help the mother with the baby after by checking in on her a couple times to make sure the baby is well. It is the field I would like to go into, and natural medicine. There is nothing more amazing than seeing a mother's face the first time she hears her baby's heartbeat. Would love for you to observe that someday.

[chicajojobe]

Le sigh.

I can relate to how you feel, and to the fact that you're getting some feedback that is a bit judgemental or just accidentally patronizing. It happens, especially to women who don't want or particularly like children.

When I was your age I had peers react like I'd said "You know Al-Qaeda has some good points" when when I actually said was "I don't really like kids that much."
Ironically, the first person I got understanding from was my own mother (who is also my birth mother, just incase you were curious). Her opinion was that she isn't really a kid person either, though she did feel differently about her own children. She also said she thought that if I ever wanted to have kids I could be a good mom, but if I didn't want to that was fine too.

However, if you criticize people who have had children for having done so, and tell them biological reproduction is disgusting it's only natural they'll feel defensive. That's what people mean when they say to express your opinion in a less inflammatory way.
I'd go more for the open-minded information side of things, and try to empathize with how people might feel. I'm 29 now, and as you start getting closer to your 30s you start feeling pressure to have babies from well-meaning people who express opinions as innocuous as "but what if you change your mind and it's too late?" to something as backward as "how could you be so selfish?! you'll die alone and unloved if you don't have kids!", or even just unspoken societal pressure. For example when all your friends Facebook pages are splashed with pictures of babies, and you're still in grad school living in an apartment similar to the one you had in college, you sometimes feel like you're behind in life...even if you aren't even sure you WANT a baby. So more of just spreading the message that not everyone wants to raise children, it's okay to be someone who doesn't want to, and no, it doesn't mean you'll feel empty in your old age.
Also, raising awareness about adoption and fostering. Many people just don't have experience with it outside of movies, so they don't know what to expect in terms of how adopted children and parents feel about each other.


As a scientist, I also do agree that your point about there being too many human beings on this planet is 100% true. However...it's a dicey issue. Do we do eugenics and forced sterilization? I certainly don't support THAT! Luckily, though, one of the most effective ways of reducing birth rates isn't something morally questionable. It's to educate and empower women, and make contraception safe and easily accessible.

[j.florence]

I am all for everyone having their own opinions and it's great that you do BUT 1) your opinions of babies have no relevance to this site or the people on it, as far as I can tell. A hatred of babies doesn't, in any way, relate to the phobia we are all dealing with. 2) I think that you are confused for the most part. you hate babies but want to be a midwife. you are disgusted with pregnant friends but think it's beautiful...yikes. i'd say, this isn't something to share here, especially since many have kids of their own here and again, this is really just a random rant you are sharing and will not help anyone on this site in any way shape or form.

[Hannah A.]

I agree with j.florence what in the everliving hell does this have to do with emetophobia, and why is it being posted here??????? Like dafuq

[CMM811]

I agree with j.florence what in the everliving hell does this have to do with emetophobia, and why is it being posted here??????? Like dafuq

Off subject but you said dafuq and I giggled I say it and write and people look at me crazy! Hahaha

[Hannah A.]

Off subject but you said dafuq and I giggled I say it and write and people look at me crazy! Hahaha

Hahaha glad I could make you laugh

[KimberlyP]

I think the OP was going for some profound soul searching post, similar to a diary entry. These type of posts tend to be posted here quite often. What she didn't realize is how some would view it as offensive and how completely off topic it was and how much she contradicted herself. As I pointed out, she even said she was nineteen in one post and then called herself a child in another one. It's just a strange pointless post, that's for sure.