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  1. #1
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    I came across this on the web. I think it's a kind of funny story about how non-emets view stomach viruses. They dread them too but not as much as emets.

    The dreaded demon flu
    When suffering, it's important to suffer well

    It's four a.m. You wake up. As you have a conversation with your body, you become aware of a sensation in your stomach. you lie to yourself for awhile. Maybe it's something you ate. Maybe it's gas. No. There is no mistaking this feeling. It's the dreaded, demon flu!


    And so, you lie there awake, waiting for IT to happen, thinking, "Oh no. I have the flu. Why am I being punished? Why do I have go get sick now? Why couldn't I get sick on any of those mornings when I woke up and thought now nice it would be to stay in bed all day and not go to work? I can't have the flu today! I've got too much to do! It's not fair. I hate this."


    And so, you keep waiting for IT to happen, flip-flopping on the bed trying to find a way to ease the hot knives and spiked bowling balls that are taking turns hacking away at the inside of your stomach. Every once in a while, you groan audibly, hoping your partner in life will wake up and ask if you're alright, to which you will reply, sobbing a little, "No, I think I have the flu." If it wasn't dark, he would notice your lower lip sticking out.


    Instead of offering sympathy, he jettisons himself from the room with his pillow and a blanket, shouting, "Don't come near me!"


    Dawn finally arrives. As the sun bounces over the horizon like a freshly toasted pop tart, you bounce out of bed in a big hurry because it's time for IT to happen. The life partner is having a shower and you live in a one-bathroom home. Oh well. Love means having to share these ugly experiences. As you inspect the plumbing from close range, he jettisons himself from the shower, screaming and carrying on about court, lawsuits, and big settlements.

    After IT is finally finished, you feel a little shaky but much better. You begin your morning routine of showering and getting ready for work. He says, "What the hell are you doing?"

    "I am getting ready for work. I feel much better now. Honest."

    "Don't be an idiot."

    "Look, it's Monday. I've got a lot to do today and I can't just leave it for someone else. I'm alright now."

    "You're such a martyr."

    And so you go into work and people mention that they can't make out your face when you are standing next to a white wall. Suddenly, the second wave hits. Uh oh. What are you going to do? You refuse to stoop to such a demeaning and humiliating experience as throwing up in the office washroom.

    Ever so calmly, you put on your coat and inform the one in charge you are suffering life-threatening nausea and must go home. The minute you get out the office door you run at full speed to your car, turn the corner to your home in fifth gear, and barrel up the ol' stairs not even bothering to check the mailbox. You run into the bathroom and the cat is drinking out of the toilet.

    Now that the second wave has subsided, you finally quit denying you are going to be alright, accept your impending death as inevitable, and crawl back into bed wearing your favourite sweatshirt and torn grey jogging pants. You lie there in the dark, not able to read or even listen to the radio because it hurts too much. You can't bring yourself to cuddle with the cats who have come in to the room to ask if you want to go out to the living room to watch Donahue with them.

    Donahue is pretty tempting material. You move it out to the couch, and sure enough, today's topic is "sex addiction." This is too much for an already nauseous person and you shuffle back to bed. You begin mumbling to yourself, because for some reason, it makes your stomach feel better. "I hate being sick. Nobody cares. Nobody loves me. If I died right this minute, nobody would care." Sniff.

    By the time your mate arrives home from work, you've moved all the pillows and blankets to the couch and follow with your eyes as he goes to the fridge and gets a bottle of beer for himself. "Can I get you anything?" What a guy.

    "I'm thinking maybe I could drink a little big of ginger ale." Your voice wavers a tiny bit.

    He comes back from the kitchen with the information there isn't any ginger ale. You tell him, "Oh, it's okay. I'll be alright. Do not worry about me. I do not need any ginger ale."

    He sighs heavily and glances at his opened beer. "I'll go to the store and get some ginger ale." What a guy.

    You are watching the news and there is a health feature describing a flu virus going around called the A Strain B Complex Ralpheococci. "That's just what I have," you tell the television set. Somehow, knowing seven million other people are also experiencing the dreaded demon flu makes you feel a trifle better.

    By mid-evening, you are feeling well enough to make several demands per hour. "I'm thinking maybe I could try a little piece of toast now... Could you get that Life magazine from the bedroom?... Will you get my slippers? Will you change the channel?"

    You go back to bed that night, fairly optimistic about your chances of recovery for the next morning. A sound of someone flip-flopping around next to you wakes you up at about 4 a.m.

    "Are you feeling alright?" you ask.

    He answers, "Well, yes, but I know it's only a matter of time before I get it too, so I'm just lying here waiting to feel bad."

    What a guy.
    Last edited by gumdropper1; 05-24-2014 at 02:42 AM.

  2. #2
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    where did you find this from and what happeneds next does the husband get sick does she wake up feeling better but ya when ive had the stomach flu my story goes alittle like her story does too

  3. #3
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    That's refreshing, Gumdropper, I liked it.

  4. #4
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    I liked it, I could relate (and then some) when I had the bug.</font></span>

  5. #5
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    very entertaining to read. so, so true.
    \"This too shall pass\"

  6. #6
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    what kind of maniac would go to work after she v*?????????



    i liked that a lot, it made me feel human. thanks gum



    becky


    One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

  7. #7
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    I'm just what she described all the time, whether or not I have the flu. I just don't V*...
    I\'m always a shade of purple...
    FACEBOOK ME --
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  8. #8
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    I can't help but wonder about the husband too. Did he get it? I know we are nuts when we wonder things like that!!!
    TRY to live each day like it were your last

  9. #9
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    I liked that, it was a blog style type view of something I am too afraid to write about!

  10. #10
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    Gubba,


    I wondered the same thing. Too funny.


    Stella



  11. #11
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    Funny although do people really try to do that? I mean go to work the
    same morning you v*? If it were from pregnancy then I can see it but
    she said herself that she knew she had a sv.



    Makes me feel really lazy. I came down with a cold a couple days ago
    and it has whiped me out man! Just doing a load of dishes today made me
    tired enough that I needed a nap afterward. Luckily for me I'm still on
    semester break so I don't have to worry about classes, but if I had
    them I probably wouldn't have gone today. I feel bad about it though
    because if normal people don't mind going while they have a sv I should
    be able to deal with a little tiredness.



  12. #12
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    It makes me also mad since we now know how many people do go to work sick and it makes us all exposed. At least she went home to get sick,others would have done it at work and continued on. Those are the people I abhore since they don't care if we all get exposed.
    TRY to live each day like it were your last

  13. #13
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    Maybe I'm strange but the story kinda freaked me out...
    I love Sam
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  14. #14
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    Thanks for sharing this! I can totally relate but how could she go to work?!?!

  15. #15
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    oh man, the last time i v*ed i didn't get out of bed for 5 days. and
    now i dont use the same sheets, pillows, or even sleep on the
    same side of the bed, i sleep with my feet towards the headboard and my
    head where my feet should be. ooh god what an awful time that was.
    everyone around me is getting sick!









    however, that was an entertaining story because the narrator has a sense of humor. bravo![img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]


    And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
    Anais Nin

  16. #16
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    Jul 2013
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    Default Re: Waiting for IT to happen

    that was interesting!
    well it maybe does show non emets do feel the same when they actually do have an sv*! it's always funny to me that non emets like my friends cannot understand this fear AT ALL it seems. yes now with the help i've had i realise obviously you could not relate to the irrational part of fearing v* when it's not likely to happen (i don't really get that bit) but when you actually do have an sv* and are trying to stop yourself v* or knowing you will, it's those situations where i cannot understand how or why non emets can't fear v* too. just get stupid replies like 'oh i don't like it either' don't like?? yeah, but you didn't develop a phobia of it

  17. #17
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    Default Re: Waiting for IT to happen

    B-b-b-bump!
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