Questions about emet

[dadhere]

Hello everyone, Happy New Year!! I am very concerned about my 12 year old son. He was diagnosed with emet 3 years ago. I believe it began after he became ill after a trip to Mexico. After,in class, he saw a girl vomit in front of him. That incident caused him to fear going to school or to take the bus. At that time my wife and I didn't know what was going on. Fortunately, the school counselor advised us toget him professional help. He is nowseeing a psychologist. He is very confortable with her and the sessions appear to be doing him good. My questions are:Last week I took him to see "King Kong". He told me that he felt uneasy because he was afraid of someone getting sick inside the movie theater. I told him that generaly people dont go into amovie theater and get sick, at least I haveNEVER seen that. Why would he think that??? However, after the movie started he forgot about it and was able to relax. Next, yesturday (12-31) I took him to the barber shop. In the parking lot Inoticed that he was feeling uneasy.He told me that he was afraid of sitting in the barber chair for fear that someone might get sick and he would be stuck in the chair. And, he added, what would happen if he felt ill and he was on the chair. I asked him if was wasfeeling ill and he said no. Again, I told him thatfrom all the years that I have been going to a barber shop, I have never witness anyone get sick.I told him that by avoiding going into the barber shop and getting a haircut would make things worse for the next time.Unfortunately, by the time he got his courage up the barber shop closed. I have noticed that when Igive him a choice and give him an "OUT" it relaxes him. Like at the movie theater, I toldhim that if he felt worse we could leave. I think that made him feel better. My wife and I never push him or force him to do anything he is uncomfortable with, we just offer him words of encouragement and advise.I am just very sad for him and feelthat I cannot help him. It is difficult for me to understand this phobia because being a police officer in the Los Angeles area, I deal with drunks and sick people more often thanI care to remember. Yeah its gross, but thats as far as my reaction is to peoplevomiting. Anyway, if anyone out there has any words of encouragement or advise for me and my son, PLEASE pass it on. I feel so bad for for him.Does anyone recommend "Flood Therapy"? Thank You!!! and Thank Goodness forthis site!!!

[kel12347]

It's great to see that you are interested in helping your son, and that he'll be getting assistance at such a young age. I wish I had known what was wrong with me when I was that age. Check out the treatments forum for an exposure hierarchy and information on choosing a therapist. I'm currently doing CBT with exposure therapy. DO NOT do any type of flooding!!!! I tried this on my own several years ago....I drank ipecac to make myself vomit to get over my fear. It just made things much much worse. I recommend Sage's hierarchy on the treatment forums, and finding a caring therapist.


Good luck to you and your son!

[dadhere]

kel12347, Thank You very much for the quick respons. I am defenitely going to mention the hierarchy treatment to my son. Thank You for your input RE: flooding. It doesn't sound like a good idea.

[hollyjean]

I would reqlly not recommend flooding either. It is likely that it will cause re-traumatisation and actually make things worse.

[lilyann]

Is it possible your son has some social anxiety going on too? I have heard that it is common for emets to have both emetophobia and social anxiety. Sounds like it would not hurt for you to mention the situations you described above to your son's therapist so she can work on this with him. Good luck and I think it's great that you recognized your son's issue and are getting him help. Keep up the great work!

[madisonsmom]

Maybe he is uneasy in the movie theater because of being confined in a dark room full of people? I feel for him. I think its great you are so on top of his situation. Emet is very complicated and traumatic. I have had it maybe 5-6 yrs. I hope you find something that helps him!

[suze]

You sound like a wonderful, caring dad. I agree with lilyann here, he's definitely showing signs of social phobia too. I also hate being anywhere where I can't escape - hairdressers, dentists, planes, cars with other people in etc. In fact, this aspect of my emet is the most disabling - I think I could probably cope with vomiting if I was completely alone, with no-one to see or hear me.


I also think you're right in offering him an out in situations where he's uncomfortable. He'll do more because of it, and will learn, with time, how to control his anxiety in those situations. This is a terrifying phobia, and he's very young, he needs to be made to feel as secure as possible. I don't think you're pandering to this phobia at all, gentle support and encouragement from you, yes - pushing him, definitely not.


And flooding - no, no, please don't!

[dadhere]

Thank You all very much for responding!Social Phobia never crossed my mind but it makes alot of sense. I will talk to his therapist about it.

[crimgoddess]

Hey there- Kudos for you on getting your son help early- and for being able to rationalize with him about encountering vomit in certain situations (barber, movie theatre, etc.). I do the same thing to myself sometimes when I am scared that someone will vomit- yet I have never seen anyone vomit in that particular location (and if someone did I could just leave).


You are completely right when you tell him that if he avoids it the first time, it will be worse the next time around. It sounds like if you give him the time, eventually he realizes this and makes the right decision on his own- good . But, if this affects stuff like his attendance in school (stuff that is more mandatory as opposed to optional), you may have to be a bit more forceful (because he still has a few good years to go, and you don't want to be in a situation where he won't go/builds it up to be worse than it actually is).


Goodluck with your son, and I hope his therapy will continue to go well. I wish I would have gotten help so early- then maybe I wouldn't be in the situation I am in now.


*amber*

[dadhere]

Amber, thank you for your imput. I have definitely had to put my foot down a couple of times in order for him to go school.He tells me that once he is there he starts to feel better.I have been readingmost of the posts and what a metephobic experiences and have beenresearching what emetophobia is.I see that oneof the challenges of some emetophobesis being with a person who hasvomited, being in the same room, building and or general area. What I found very interesting is that yesterday my son asked to sleep over his buddy's house. This buddy of his has vomited before in front of my son. Not just once but a couple of times. I thought that almost for sure he was going to call and have me pick him up, but he didn't. Which I think it's great!This make it harder for me to understand what he is going through. Since I am new to this andnot emetophobic, can you explain to me if there is aetiquetteto follow.I noticed that some people do not spell out certain words and instead fill in with asteriks. Is this because its difficult to write or readthose words? Should I be doing the same thing? I dont want offend anyone andI apologize for my ignorance regarding this topic.

[crimgoddess]

It's AWESOME that you son not only asked to stay at his buddies house, and didnt call because he wanted to go home. If you praise behaviour like this, it may make him more likely to take 'risks' such as this one because he knows he can handle it (and that it pleases his mom and dad).


The thing with my phobia is that it tends to get stronger/more invasive when I am stressed about something else. When I am in a good mood, have just accomplished something, or am relaxed I don't really worry about other people being sick. BUT if I am worried about something, feel down, or have something major going on in my life, I worry a lot more about someone vomitting around me. Could it possibly be the same for your son?


As for using abbreviations about words such as vomit, diarrhea, stomach virus, etc- don't worry about it. Check out this thread here:


http://www.emetophobia.org/forum/for...sp?TID=6561&am p;KW=abbreviation


Apparently some were under the impression that reading those words were offensive to some (and apparently it was to one person awhile ago when they did a poll), and many people use the abbrevations to save time. Either way, it's completely up to choice- I prefer not to abbreviate these words because it reinforces the idea that vomit is something to be feared, to the point where it shouldn't evenbe written.


*amber*

[suze]

It's a really positive step that he's stayed at his friend's house, that is real progress. Obviously, all of us here have emet of some sorts. I am not too bad with seeing people v*, for me it's the fear that I'll v* somewhere where people will see me, so I worry about going anywhere from where I can't escape e.g. dentists, hairdressers, interviews, cars with other people in, buses etc. I do fear v* in itself but think I could cope if I was completely alone. Others here have the phobia much more severely, or just fear it in a different way, e.g. seeing it happen is worse than doing it. So, it's probably difficult to categorize your son as 'typical' because we're all so different. It may also be the case that your son is like me in that if he's feeling well and upbeat, then he'll do things he might not ordinarily do; he stayed with his friend yesterday, but this time next week, should the chance come again, he might not want to go, because he doesn't feel 'right'. Sometimes it is about the frame of mind you're in at that time. There are times when I'll jump on a bus and take the 15 minute ride into town, on other days I'd never step foot on it because what happened if I felt ill and couldn't get off....you see, for some of us the phobia is more 'there' than at other times. The problem with this is that it's unpredictable.


I agree with Amber that it's important to get your son to school - the more good days he has the more he will see school as a safe environment. My niece is an emet. She's 14 and has missed close to three years of schooling. She too feels fine once she's in there, but getting her there has been virtually impossible. Once again, you can also give him an 'out' - if he's particularly anxious one day then tell him that he can get the school to call you, if he feels bad. As you know, the chances are he'll get distracted and you'll never get that call. Obviously this might not work if you're getting calls every day, but it might be good to start with. For me, knowing I can escape is key to me coping. I have a wonderful friend and if I'm worried about going somewhere e.g. a restaurant, she always tells me that if I need to get out, then to go, she'll deal with things, and if necessary, will get me out of the situation herself. Having that trust is an enormous help, and it seems you have that with your son.


With regards the abbreviations here, most people don't mind the words, or so it seems, although I think many use them to be sensitive to the fact that others might not like it. I just use the asterix because I'm lazy! Don't worry either way, we all have different views and you won't be alienated just for typing the word VOMIT!!!

[suze]

Sorry, think I've said the same kinds of things as Amber - we must have been typing at the same time!!

[dadhere]

suze and amber, I sincerely appreciate your input and advise. It's making thingseasier to understand reading it first hand from you. Once again, Thank You Very Much!!!!!!

[sienna]

It's so great that you're helping him. I wish I had a dollar for every
moment of fear I white knuckled myself through as a child and an
adolescent. I remember my dad got so tired of my phobia at one point
that he locked me and him in a bathroom and was going to force me to
vomit somehow. Nice.

We moved to a new town when I was 12 and my emet got way worse. I
would try to stay home and finally would leave the school and wander
around til 3:30. Eventually my parents caught on and began driving me
to school and standing outside the classroom so I couldn't leave. My
father reversed the lock on my door and locked me in my bedoom at
night, nailed the windows shut, too. Can you imagine? I'll be 50 next
week.

With your patience and understanding your son has a good shot at
getting over this. In the meantime, we are here.Edited by: sienna

[dadhere]

Sienna, I read your respons and all I can realy say is WOW! I am flabbergasted!Thank You for sharing your experiences with me and your advise.

[sage]

Hi Dadhere,


The previous posters have done a good job with info. Again, I emphasize going to the Treatments thread and reading all the sticky posts at the top. They're white icons with push pins in them. I wrote several of them, and others are good links. One of our members designed an exposure site. You can give this info to your son's therapist, in fact. She may like to use it eventually.


Flooding is not helpful in emetophobia - it only ever makes the phobia worse. If your son comes home complaining or fearful that his therapist wants to try it, then support his decision not to let her. Sometimes therapists run out of ideas. However, research on flooding for phobia is almost always done with spider phobias, or other "simple" specific stimuli that are readily available.


In my book manuscript I write "flooding for emetophobia is akin to telling someone who has been sexually assaulted that all they really need to do to get over it is to be assaulted several times again..."


On a final note, if I were given your son to treat I would also spend some time looking at the whole family, and its source of anxiety. Anxiety disorders originate somewhere inside the family. I'm not talking about some horrible trauma or abuse - it could be as simple as an anxious parent, the death of a family member, divorce, parental fighting, family secrets, etc. Couple this with some traumatic experience with vomiting such as the illness in Mexico, or the other children vomiting. My point is that it takes SEVERAL factors to add up to a phobia. Some genetics may be involved, but there is no gene for phobia that has ever been found.


If you know the source of the family's anxiety, and it is within your control, you may like to consider family our couples counselling alongside your son's therapy. It will help him greatly.


Good luck!