This phobia is CONSUMING me

[motheroftwo]

Hello;

I am new to the site and I guess I am just looking for some commiseration or support. I've had emetophobia for about ten years- I am 34 now- and I feel like it can't get much worse than where I am at now. I am the mother to two small kids (6 1/2 and 3) and it's the beginning of the cold and flu season in Canada. My husband is a high school teacher and my oldest is in 1st grade... I feel like between the three of them, my life is a ticking time bomb. It is just so exhausting because the thoughts are constant and consuming. Even though I do go out in public, I am anxious- I hear myself constantly saying "don't touch that" "don't put your mouth on that" "don't touch the handle" and then watching who puts their hands to their mouth...that's the hard part...my brain sees everything as a threat and so it's like a constant onslaught of "that could be it" or "what if this is how we catch a bug?" I watch what my family eats and how much. I don't restrict them, but I am aware if they are eating junk or too much and I just wait for a sore belly. Then I panic. My oldest tells me her tummy is sore almost every night and the panic level goes through the roof each time. She noro once a year...that means I spend 364 days a year terrified of something that doesn't happen.
I don't know why this started... I have no bad experiences. I have a hard time enjoying my children because as much as I love them with all of my being, the fear causes me to see them as my worst fear waiting to happen.
It's such a stupid phobia too- why be afraid of something that is natural and happens to people every day? If that's the worst thing that happens, I can say it's not that bad in my rational brain- but my panic brain takes right over and someone may as well be pointing a gun at me, I'm so afraid.
I have started the "Cure Your Emetophobia and Thrive" program and am half way through I'd say. It makes sense but so far, hasn't "cured" me - has anyone else has success with this or anything else?
I write this from my bed because I've had too much of the day and am so overwhelmed that I can't be in the living room with my children watching a movie because I can't decide if my stomach is upset or not.
I feel desperate- a word not used lightly- for some relief. I have many, many years of ill children and spouse duty to handle and I feel like I don't know how I am going to worry like this 24/7, 365 for the next 50 years.... "what if someone gets sick today?" "is the phone ringing- maybe it's the school calling to say my child v*'ed" "why didn't they finish dinner- is their stomach off?" "does child #1 look pale to you?" and on and on and on....

I could go on forever... please... where do I go from here?

Thank you for your time.

[AndreaAndee]

Hello and welcome. You will find a lot of comfort here. We all feel the same way you do. The phobia does consume your life so easily. And yes, while you love your kids so much, they SCARE you!! I'm the same way, mine are older now but when they were young, I would watch their every move and feeling. Does your husband know how you struggle and is he supportive? I found that my hubby really helped me through so much when the kids were sick.
You didn't say but are you getting any help? Like therapy or are you taking any medication? We talk a lot about that a lot on here. There is no quick fix at all, but trying to control the anxious thoughts and obsessive worry does help. It's a long road but it can get better...hang in there.

[j.florence]

I have done the thrive program. I'm not cured...yet. But I feel a whole lot better than a did last year. It's unbelievable what a little work will do. Take your time and really work thru it and follow all of the activities. It can work and it can get better.

[motheroftwo]

Hi - thanks for responding.

I am in therapy but it's of no help. It's been three years and all she does is push meds HEAVILY. I've been on literally just about everything. I've even done eight ECT treatments with no help. When I try to tell her of my phobia she waves her hand and says "that's weird; I've never heard of that" so useless.
I just want some relief as I'm sure we all do!