Need urgent help please- child was sick and now terrified to be near her!!!

[worriedmama]

Hi everyone,


I am new as I have had this phobia nearly 40 years and until the last few days been terrified even to type emetophobia into Google.


But I need urgent help as it’s now not just me that it is affecting.


I have a 18 month old daughter who had her first gastro a week ago today.


I sat in a chair next to my mother, who was holding her, as I could not bring myself to hold her. I wore a mask, gown, gloves and face shield.I held her foot and consoled her as she was sick again and again.My mother hissed at me that I was sick too, just in the head, and I needed help, and not to DARE pass this horrible mental illness I had to my daughter.


I felt SO anxious it is impossible to describe.


My phobia is of being sick myself, or exposed to others who I know are infectious, ESPECIALLY if they are actively sick. So this was pretty much hell.


As this was happening it snowed outside trapping me in the house for 96 hours.


In that time my mother and father both got sick, my mother right in the laundry room, contaminating well, pretty much everything.


Since then I have bleached and bleached and bleached. But of course I’m sure I haven’t got everything.And the 3 of them are still shedding virus and it is undoubtedly everywhere.


I have continued to wear all my protective gear.


The snow melted and I was able to get to work and then another house which is “sterile”.


The problem is, I don’t want to go back.


I do, but I don’t. I want to see my daughter but I now look at even a picture of her and I feel terror before I feel anything else.


I know that there can be particles everywhere and people can shed them for up to 30 days.


I can’t bear the thought of my poor daughter seeing me in my hazmat getup for 30 days.


But I can bear it more than the risk of getting ill.


My mom tells me I am SO MESSED UP and it is NO BIG DEAL while I hide here and cry and shake and type this. But she just does not get it.


I am reaching out for whatever help that anyone can give. Have you been there?Am I crazy?How to deal?Please write back if you can.I feel so alone L

[kbayvb12]

Hey worried mama! I am new here too. I do not have children (largely because of my emetophobia), but I wanted to reach out and let you know that you're not alone, and you're going to get through this! You're not "messed up", and I am sure you love your daughter more than anything in the world. If you're anything like I am, you probably feel tremendous guilt for the the way you're acting. This is real. It doesn't make you a bad person, or crazy. I COMPLETELY understand you not wanting to back into your home after everyone there has been ill. Whenever I have to enter a situation I feel is "contaminated", I just make sure to follow the rules of proper hand washing and never touching my face. Personally I would take a day to deep clean with bleach. Maybe ditch the hazmat suit, but wear latex gloves until you feel okay about taking them off? I completely understand that this feels impossible. Just know you're not alone. Sometimes re-reading the way it is spread helps me to remember that if I am following proper hygiene, I am most likely safe!

[worriedmama]

Hi Kbayvb12,
Omigoodness thank you so much for connecting and sharing with me. I agonized over the decision to have children (on my own, before the clock struck midnight) after putting it off for years because of life, career, and… yes, my emetophobia.I don’t regret it, you are right, and I love her more than anything, but absolutely I feel SO guilty and feel like I must not love her enough- as if I did surely I would have been able to be there like a “normal” mother would?
Yes weirdly bleaching made me feel better, like there was something I could do to protect myself, so I bleached away and will continue to do so. My daughter now knows the world “bleach”!!!
I will try your suggestion of focusing on what I can do- wash hands, not touch face, and read and follow ways to protect myself- rather than agonizing over what I can’t do.
You have made me feel so much better with writing Just know you’re not alone.
Thank you so much for being there for me!

[kbayvb12]

Honestly, WorriedMama, I have had a horrible week with my emetophobia as well and reading your post I could feel your panic! Isn't it exhausting worrying EVERY moment? It's a very raw feeling for sure. I envy your courage to raise your daughter, in spite of your emetophobia! I hope with therapy I am able to get to the point where I feel comfortable caring for a sick child. Doing the things that ARE in our control when someone else is sick is all we can really do. Take care of yourself and take some deep breaths (since it's not airbourne..haha).

[worriedmama]

Hi again Kbayvb12,
I’m sad to hear you had a bad week as well. I hope there are good ones too.
It is so VERY exhausting, yes.
I don’t feel very brave right now but thanks for telling me I am! I need to focus on that and not what my own mother has sadly told me.
Yes deep breath… I am heading down there soon. Wish me luck!I will keep you posted and thank you again!