Re: Becoming suicidal over this. Deadly serious.
Hello and welcome! Please don't ever give up! I felt the same way you did when I was a teenager. My fear was all consuming, lost weight, hated going to school, had so many rituals and stupid beliefs. I was hospitalized because I was so underweight. It took a loooonnnng time but I am much better. I'm 47 now, married with 2 kids. I never thought I could do pregnancy, etc. but thankfully my hubby is very helpful...I could never take care of them when they were 'sick' so he would do all that. I still do struggle with anxiety and am on meds for that...I still hate winter and often obsess during that time. So unfortunately, it's still a big part of my life, but at least I am living, it's not controlling me like it used to. Things WILL get better. I really don't think it ever goes away completely, but it can be manageable. Please get help, be honest with your doc, don't feel ashamed or embarrassed...I think you are having huge anxiety and attacks that make you feel so awful. Believe me, anxiety can do a number on you. Take care and hang in there!!!
"In nothing be anxious....." Phil. 4:6