New and struggling. [Triggers]

[Teacup]

I can't believe I've never noticed this site before because I'm always googling about what's wrong with me. I'm 25, female, and I have horrendous anxiety and depression. Ever since I was little I used to have these 'episodes' when I'd suddenly get very cold and shaky, and incredibly nauseous. I wouldn't always vomit, but I'd dry heave relentlessly, sometimes for a few hours, sometimes for over a week. Every time it happened I would be unable to eat - even the smell of food would make me heave and trying to swallow anything made me gag. Any kind of event would trigger it: parties, holidays, trips out. I've been hospitalised once before because I got so weak from lack of food. It's taken me until this year to realise that I was having panic attacks, and that they were made 100% worse by the fact I was so terrified of throwing up. I had a stomach bug in February this year, and I was stuck in an anxiety loop for almost a month. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, I lost over a stone in two weeks, I was dizzy from lack of food and I was in a constant state of anxiety. I just cried and cried, even moved back to my parents' house for a bit to calm down, tried everything until my GP suggested Lorazepam, and that got me back to a manageable level. But now I'm struggling day to day with this ever present fear of another anxiety attack - because anxiety attacks make me vomit, and that makes me more anxious - which is just furthering my anxiety. I wake up in the morning already feeling sick with dread, and some days I can manage it, but most days I just end up crying in a ball because I'm so afraid of getting anxious and sick. I'm still taking the lorazepam when it gets really bad, but I'm aware that I can't rely on it to hide my anxiety. I know that there have been months, even years, in between these 'episodes' of nausea and anxiety, but this time it doesn't seem to want to go away. I'm frightened of eating, I'm frightened of cooking, of doing the grocery shopping, of going anywhere in case I vomit. It's ruining my life, or rather, ruining what was left of it. It's made my depression so much worse because I can't see an end to it, and every day I contemplate killing myself. I think if I wasn't so scared that an overdose would just make me sick, I'd have done that by now. I'm waiting for CBT on the NHS but it's likely to still take months, and I live in an area where the mental health support is very limited. How do you guys keep going? Do you have any tips for how to handle this anxiety-nausea? Does it ever get any better?

[tiredofitall]

I'm sorry you are suffering so badly. When I was in my 20's my phobia was at its worst. I had small children which was part of the problem. I was also scared to leave the house and I would often skip eating because to me, an empty stomach meant I could not v. I'm now 51 and while I'm doing much better I'm still not cured. My 20 year old son who still lives at home currently has a sv and my anxiety is through the roof. I don't know the answer to curing this phobia. I just know that over time it did lessen for me. That's not to say that I'm ok with v because I'm definitely not. I just don't think about it all the time and I don't let it stop me from doing things anymore. I just hope for the best.

[claire43]

Teacup this is a dreadful phobia. It takes over our lives and is so difficult to control. All I can say is that you will get through this particularly tough period. I am nearly 51 and have suffered since I was a young child (my mother is also emet). There have been highs and lows but there have been long periods where it hasn't taken over my entire life. Unfortunately like yourself I am going through a tough time right now. I am also struggling to see a brighter side to life and am feeling very pessimistic about things. However I have lived with this for long enough to realise things do improve. Keep talking to your Dr. Make sure they know what this is doing to you. The NHS is notoriously bad at dealing with this type of issue. The wait can be long but at least you have started the process and you have medication which will definitely help you to cope. When things ease up for you maybe try and push yourself a little. Meet up with a friend for coffee and a walk. Try not to become isolated. Talk to people. Do your family and friends know what is going on with you?

[tiredofitall]

I know this is off topic but what is the deal with the NHS? It seems like a terrible healthcare system. In the US if you need a specialist, you go see one. If you need therapy, you find a therapist and make an appointment. There are no waiting lists. Others on here have complained about the long wait for treatment when dealing with the NHS. What is the reason for this?

[claire43]

The NHS does have it's problems but on the whole it's a great system. It's basically free healthcare from start to finish. Any Dr appts, scans, blood work, operations, physio etc. For example my sister had a brain tumour and all the chemo, radiotherapy, drugs biopsies etc were totally free. The real problems are the waiting lists. Unless it's an emergency or urgent you do have to wait especially for things like therapy. Obv we do have private healthcare too but majority of people prefer to use NHS. I don't really understand the American health insurance plans. All I hear is if you have no insurance you are pretty much left with crippling costs. Is that right?

[tiredofitall]

It is true that if you don't have any insurance or your plan isn't adequate enough to cover your care then you are responsible for payment. The monthly premiums are also incredibly expensive if you want good coverage. I pay around 700.00 a month for a family plan. However, care is available immediately, whether you have insurance or not and if your income is low enough you qualify for Medicare which is free (actually nothing is free - the taxpayers pay for it) and covers most services. There are more restrictions when it comes to Medicare though. I have heard some horror stories about people dying waiting on the lists for the NHS. My mom's boss lost her brother to cancer because he had to wait a year for a CAT scan and by then it was too late. This was years ago though and he lived in England. Perhaps things have changed since then.