I hate life.

[trs12345]

I'm getting sick of this lifestyle. I hate this fear but I hate vomiting even more. I will NEVER allow myself to throw up. I can't do that ever. I don't want it to happen. But it just seems everyday, I'm one step closer to it.

I'll ONLY eat at fast food joints instead of restaurants or what we have at home. Why? Because frankly, my Aunt sucks at putting things away after two hours. She'll leave chicken, beef, and pork out for at least THREE hours before putting it up then will get mad at me for not eating it.


She brought home chicken express and my cousin went to tell me that she did. When I asked her if she just got here, my aunt replied "I've been here for a little while" and the chicken was barely warm. So I refuse to eat it.
Because she saw me pick up the chicken, I HAD to act like I was gonna eat it. I ended up folding the plate and throwing it in the trash when she wasn't looking. I hate it. I hate that I can't eat and that I have to deal with the fact that no one here respects my fears enough to at least try to put food up before they're at risk of perishing. They don't care if I'm at risk. I can't complain to her or tell her about it because I'll get scolded and ridiculed for it. I'm so hungry but I'm scared to eat.

I don't know what to do. Everyday something that potentially could have vomit-inducing germs in it ends up hitting me in the mouth. Be it my shirt, my blanket, my headphones, my hands after I hang out outside, either that or I'll end up eating food that I find out was left out for a while. It's like God/The Universe itself is trying to make me throw up.

At this point, I'm practically Bed-bound and starving myself. I'm mentally sick and making myself physically sick by not eating or getting out. Just 4 months ago, I was out &I about! I'd feel sick every now and then but I was almost always feeling fine! I was eating so much and going out often! And now I'm a mess.

I'm honestly having thoughts of suicide now. This practically is suicide how I'm slowly killing myself. I might as well speed it up and end it sooner.. I don't really want to die but I don't have anymore options! I'm too scared of getting sick! Please help..

[basit WaNi]

Same happens with me ,, ,and even I m thinking of suicide ..
I can't see any hope
And it's better to die than living like this

[Dairyfreelife]

Have you ever talked to a doctor about it? Because I really think you should. Medicine and therapy really helps with this phobia. There's a lot of resources to help with phobias, including this one.
There's ALWAYS options. I am unsure of your location, but if you are thinking seriously of suicide, please contact the numbers below. I truly understand your pain and have been there myself, but trust me, you can get through this and you can start to feel better. Life is short as it is and as hard as it seems right now, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel even if it seems we can't see it or reach it, it's there and we can.
For US: 1-800-273-8255
For UK: Samaritans UK & ROI, National Contact by: Face to Face - Phone - Letter: - E-mail: ​
Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK - local rate)
Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minicom)
Hotline: 1850 60 90 90 (ROI - local rate)
Hotline: 1850 60 90 91 (ROI minicom)
Website: samaritans.org
E-mail Helpline: [email protected]
24 Hour service:
Canada: Distress Centres Ontario
Website: dcontario.org
(DCO) Distress Centre Niagara Ontario
Hotline: +1 (905) 688 3711
Hotline: 905 734 1212/905 382 0689
Website: dcontario.org
(DCO) Telecare Distress Centre Brampton Ontario
Hotline: +1 (905) 459 7777
Website: telecarebrampton.org
(DCO) Distress Centre Lanark, Leeds & Grenville Ontario
Hotline: 1 800 465 4442
Website: dcontario.org
(DCO) Distress Centre Durham Ontario
Hotline: +1 (905) 433-1121
Website: distresscentredurham.com
(DCO) Telecare Distress Centre Etobicoke Ontario
Hotline: +1(416) 247-5426
Website: webhome.idirect.com/~tdce
(DCO) Distress Line Grey & Bruce Ontario
Hotline: 1 888 371 8485
Website: dcontario.org
(DCO) Tel-Aide Jewish Distress Centre Ontario
Hotline: ++ 1 (416) 636-9610
Website: dcontario.org
(DCO) Distress Centre Hamilton Ontario
Hotline: ++ 1 (905) 525-8611
Website: dcontario.org
(DCO) Distress Centre London & District Ontario
Hotline: +1 (519) 667-6711
Website: londondistresscentre.com
(DCO) North Halton Distress Centre Ontario
Hotline: +1 (905) 877-1211
Website: dcontario.org
(DCO) Distress Centre Oakville Ontario
Hotline: +1 (905) 849 4541
Website: distresscentreoakville.com/
(DCO) Distress Centre Ottawa & Region Ontario
Hotline: +1 (613) 238 3311
Website: dcottawa.on.ca
(DCO) Tel-Aide Outaouais Ontario
Hotline: +1 (613) 741 6433
Hotline: 1 800 567 9699
Website: tel-aide-outaouais.org
E-mail Helpline: [email protected]
(DCO) Distress Centre Peel Ontario
Hotline: +1 (905) 278 7208
Website: distresscentrepeel.com
(DCO) Distress Centre Sarnia-Lambton Ontario
Hotline: +1 (519) 336 3000
Website: familycounsellingcentre.ca/home.cfm
(DCO) Distress Centres of Toronto Ontario
Hotline: +1 (416) 408 4357
Website: torontodistresscentre.com
(DCO) Distress Centre Waterloo Region Ontario
Hotline: +1 (519) 745 1166
Website: cmhawrb.on.ca/distress.htm
(DCO) Distress Centre Wellington/Dufferin Ontario
Hotline: +1 (519) 821 3760
Website: dc-wd.org
(DCO) Distress Centre Windsor/Essex Ontario
Hotline: +1 (519) 256-5000
Website: dcwindsor.com
E-mail Helpline: [email protected]
(DCO) Telephone Aid Line Kingston Ontario
Hotline: +1 (613) 544 1771
Website: http://members.kingston.net/talk
Suicide Action Montreal
2345 est. rue Belanger H2G 1C9 MONTREAL Quebec
Hotline: (514) 723 4000
Website: suicideactionmontreal.qc.ca
Chimo Helpline Inc.
PO Box 1033 NB E3B 5C2 FREDERICTON
Contact by: - Phone
Hotline: Fredericton Area: 450-HELP (4357)
Hotline: Toll free provincial helpline: 1-800-667-5005
Distress Line of Southwestern Alberta (Canada)
426 - 6th Street South T1J 2C9 Lethbridge Alberta
Contact by: - Phone
Hotline: 403 327 7905
24 Hour service:
India: @Basit, you said you were from there, here’s your hotlines and help centers, a couple are 24 hour hotlines: Befrienders India - National Association
c/o Sneha, 11 Park View Road
R.A.Puram
600 028
Chennai
Website: befriendersindia.org
Centres
Lifeline Foundation
17/1A Alipore Road
Sarat Bose Road
700 027
KOLKATA
Hotline: +91 33 2474 4704
Hotline: +91 33 2474 5886
Hotline: 2474 5255
Website: education.vsnl.com/n4h/
AASRA
A-4, Tanwar View, CHS,
Plot NO - 43, Sector 7
Koparkhairane
400 701
NAVI MUMBAI
Contact by: Face to Face - Phone - Letter:
Hotline: +91 22 2754 6669
Hours: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun: 09:00 - 21:00
MAITREYI
255 Thyagumudali Street
605001
PONDICHERRY
Contact by: Face to Face - Phone - Letter:
Hotline: +91-413-339999
Hours: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun: 14:00 - 20:00
ROSHNI
1-8-303/48/21 Kalavathy Nivas,
Sindhi Colony
S.P. Road
500003 A.P.
SECUNDERABAD
Contact by: Face to Face - Phone - Letter:
Hotline: +91 40 7904646
E-mail Helpline: [email protected]
Hours: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat: 11:00 - 21:00
Saath
B12 Nilamber Complex
H.L. Commerce College Road
Navrangpura
380 006
AHMEDABAD
Hotline: +91 79 2630 5544
Hotline: +91 79 2630 0222
SNEHA
11 Park View Road
(Near Chennai Kaliappa Hospital)
R.A. Puram
600 028
Chennai
Contact by: Face to Face - Phone - Letter:
Hotline: +91 (0) 44 2464 0050
Website: snehaindia.org
E-mail Helpline: [email protected]
24 Hour service:
The Samaritans Sahara
Sir J-J. Road
Byculla Bridge
400 008
MUMBAI
Contact by: Face to Face - Phone - Letter: - E-mail:
Hotline: +91-22-2307 3451
Website: mumbainet.com/health/samarita.htm
Hours: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri: 15:00 - 21:00 Sat, Sun: 10:00 - 21:00
Sumaitri
1 Bhagwandas Lane
Aradhana Hostel Complex
Basement
110 001 NEW DELHI
Contact by: Face to Face - Phone - Letter:
Hotline: 2338 9090
Website: sumaitri.org
Hours: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri: 14:00 - 22:00 Sat, Sun: 10:00 - 22:00
MAITHRI - Cochin
Ashirbhavan Road
Kacheripady
Ernakulam Kochi
682 018 Kochi KERALA
Contact by: Face to Face - Phone - Letter:
Hotline: +91 239 6272
Website: maithrikochi.org
E-mail Helpline: [email protected]
Hours: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun: 10:00 - 20:00
For all other countries, you can find your list at http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

[trs12345]

Thanks a million for your support. I haven't gotten around to therapy, especially because there's a lot going on as is with other family members, whereas my mental issues are probably the least troublesome. I'll see if it works, however, I'd rather not want to be forced to deal with exposure therapy. I have had a talk with a lady on the suicide hotline and she has given me locations and names of places in my area. I'll try to go whenever there's time.

[pogopig]

Seriously, you need to get some help. Therapy doesn't have to involve exposure and certainly no decent therapist will do anything to make you vomit. I used to be suicidal because of this phobia. CBT helped me - not cured but helped - still working on it. Honestly help is out there, don't suffer alone.

[pogopig]

Forgot to say have you tried the Thrive programme? Look it up on Youtube, it might be worth considering.