For Those With a Non-Emet Bf/Gf/SO

[StayStrong]

Hi all!

I am in a relationship with an amazing person who I trusted enough to tell about my emetophobia. While very understanding about my "habits" I do sometimes worry about his hygiene habits. Today for instance, we were on a busy subway/public transit (he was touching the bars that you hold instead of taking a seat) and we walked to various places in the city. He did not wash his hands once, not once before eating. I offered hand sanitier but he politely refused.

How do those of you in any sort of relationship cope? Do you not say anything then panic if you share food? Or do you avoid sharing food? Does your SO wash their hands or change their habits while around you so you feel better? Do you beg/plead for them to do certain things to ease your anxiety?

I would love to ask my SO if he wouldn't mind washing his hands before we share food but I feel neurotic. Some people wash their hands before eating, some don't. I don't know what's "normal". Anyway, thought I'd bring this up since it's the first time in a while that I'm in a relationship with someone who didn't really copy some of the things I do to prevent possibly catching something. I realize ultimately in the long run for my anxiety that's good right? Kind of exposure in a way? I kind of wish he would, at least until I finish treatment (which hopefully works) to avoid halt in my progress if anything were to "happen".

Anyway, please let me know your thoughts!

[Jess44246]

My bf used to be my neighbor (and now lives across the country) and we would spend almost every day together after school (as a side note: I would get my trombone practice and homework in after he went to bed). His mom has OCD with all the cleaning and stuff, but in public he would tend not to be as clean as he had to in his own home. He didn’t (and still doesn’t mainly because I don’t believe he’s mature enough to understand yet) know about my emetophobia, so in his mind I’m just picky (which he sees as normal because both our families are matriarchal so I am dominant). He’s rather okay with it when I ask him to wash his hands before eating, but sometimes he gets annoyed. When that happens sometimes I’ll try kissing him but it doesn’t always work. That’s when I decided to just let it go and to be careful if we share food (which we did very often). For example, if we had some fries I’d eat the ones he didn’t touch as much as I could. “You have to pick and choose your battles,” people say, and it’s true in this case. People don’t wash their hands before eating after being in a gross place all the time! Especially when it isn’t noro season, but even then too. Every person you meet isn’t sick all the time, right?

[blackrabbit]

Ugh. My boyfriend is physically a clean person, but very unhygienic if that makes sense. He NEVER washes his hands (and says that's why he has "such a great immune system"), only when I tell him to (and that's when I catch him!). He doesn't even wash his hands after going #2 which pisses me off to no end. He knows my phobia. We have lived together for 2 years. I dread the day when he gets sick because we live in a 1 bedroom/1 bathroom apartment. He works in the city. Touches everything. He takes the train, then the subway, and works with computers. He always brags and says that I "need his germs" because he has "the strongest immune system" which I hate because I think he's gonna jinx himself.

Anyway, all of the above things he does bothers me but he won't change.

[cmu315]

I'm in a bit of a different situation being emet and immunosuppressed. I do need to be careful than the average person around germs due to my body's inability to fight infection. So, my bf is understanding of this and is very good about his hand hygiene. He occasionally does things that make me cringe (licks his fingers, eats something that falls on the floor) but overall he's respectful of my concerns. He's just not as neurotic as us meets and I accept that lol. I think you just need to illustrate why hand washing is important to you, and how it triggers your anxiety when it doesn't happen. Hopefully he will understand that and not want to cause you any further anxiety.