Depression.

[trs12345]

Hi, I’m a 17 year old boy suffering from emetophobia. Now I know that I’m a frequent poster and acknowledge that my posts may be overwhelming or annoying, so I apoglize for that once again. Now, this will be pretty long, so bear with me.

As far as this year goes, a whole lot has been happening in regards to my emetophobia with things like me having an E.Coli scare back in July followed by my uncle having a stomach virus in August. The most recent one? My cousin, who I live with, being sick and claiming she must’ve caught a “little bug.”

The word “bug” itself terrifies me, as I never heard of anyone calling Cold, Flu, or Sinuses “bugs”, only stomach-related sicknesses.

Now, my aunt had commented on her sounding sick, which eased me a little bit, because I was led to assume that if she sounds sick, then this sickness is more or less related to things such as the flu, a cold, or sinuses since you get mucus build up in your nose and throat when you have it.

On top of that, I don’t recall seeing or hearing her making any frequent trips to the restroom, but then again, me and her both usually are pretty isolated within our rooms, with the exception of me going out for a walk every couple of hours.

My issue yesterday was the fact that she was in the restroom that I am supposed to go in instead of the one she usually goes to and she was in there for a while too. So when she got out, I compulsively asked my mom what my cousin was sick with, to which she replied “allergies”. I didn’t believe her, as my mom also said my uncle just had food poisoning then admitted she was lying when I asked if she promised.

About 12 hours ago, I decided to go to the restroom. While peeing, I noticed a small light brown spot on the toilet seat. I bent down to get a closer look and was almost positive that little spot was diarrhea. Soon as my mom woke up, I told her she was lying, and all she told me was to shut up and that I sound stupid.

Fast forward to a few minutes ago, I was using the restroom. Congestion started to build up a bit and my throat felt sore, on top of that, I was starting to feel hot. So I ran to my mom on impulse and told her to ask my aunt or my cousin and she refused. She then got mad at me and told me to stop being a baby. I got angry and told her to be a F*cking parent and help me for once, to which she kicked me out of the room and told me that I’m a coward and to be normal for once in my life.

I’m not trying to play innocent, I’m not trying to say nothing is my fault. I know I can be overwhelming. But come on, she never helps me. She criticizes me, lies to me, tells me that I’m not normal and that I’m a paranoid freak, a psycho, all of these hateful, emotionally and mentally harming names.

I hate living this way. While I have had resentment towards my fear, I understand why I have it and I’ve accepted that it’s going to be with me forever, or at least for a very long time. I have the most resentment, however, towards my mom and the people I live with.
While their hygiene isn’t terrible, if one person is to get sick, it’s almost a guarantee everyone will be sick as well. The fact of the matter is, no one cares about anyone else’s health in this house.

It’s the blatant fact that avoidance is damn near impossible because no one here cares to buy antiviral wipes or sprays. It’s the fact that my mom and aunt are both ignorant and believe Sanitizer kills noro and flu and regular antibacterial spray can kill any virus, when that couldn’t be further from the truth. Yet, I get called an idiot for trying to remind them of that, I get called a coward, a freak, a p*ssy, and all of these other names and it bothers me.

It hurts, especially coming from my own mother, considering I work 10 hour shifts at a Taco Bell full of unhygienic co workers, putting myself at risk and don’t come home until very late at night, physically drained, tired, soaking wet, and hungry, because I’m out trying to make money to support her and my sister, as our dad doesn’t care to help and she won’t be physically capable of any labor for a while, due to recent surgeries.

Her boyfriend offered for the 3 of us (me, my mom, and sister) to live with him and she wants to exclude me from that because she doesn’t want someone like me in the same house with her.

Knowing that her boyfriend does seem prone to stomach issues, as a few months back, we’ve heard of him getting diarrhea from certain restaurants and of him getting stomach cramps after visiting his daughter who was sick with norovirus, so my fear definitely will be very active. However, I’ve been living with my aunt for far too long and she doesn’t want us here anymore so I’m pretty much without a home by the way everything seems so far.

Am I suicidal? No. Not at the moment. But life is definitely hard and I feel as if I’m running out of options.

[tiredofitall]

I’m very sorry to hear that your mother is cruel to you. That’s terrible. Since you are under 18 she can’t legally leave you without a home. Why she would want to abandon you is beyond my comprehension. I am a mother and I can’t imagine anything that could ever make me choose to abandon either of my children. Did she come right out and say that she’s moving herself and your sister in with the boyfriend and you can’t come? Where does she expect you to live? If she really intends to do this then she should be charged with child abandonment and put in jail. I’m not saying I don’t believe you but are you sure she’s being serious or could she have just said it because she was angry and/or frustrated? Not that saying something like that is acceptable but perhaps she just said it in the heat of the moment. Either way this is a serious situation and someone needs to intervene on your behalf.

[trs12345]

I understand where you’re coming from. She told me to find someone who would take me in. The only thing is there isn’t anyone who I know would. I think she could’ve said it out of frustration as she told me that after a heated argument, but I don’t know. She told me after I got off work today that the 3 of us are going to be hanging out with her boyfriend tomorrow at 12 PM, so maybe she didn’t mean it after all.