As winter approaches, I'm starting to obsess and panic about norovirus. My emetophobia has been horrible the last year; I was semi-recovered before or at least functioning normally. Now, once again, it consumes and plagues my life.

I'm starting to freak out about getting it, almost like a countdown, despite the fact that I've had it once in the last 16 years... possibly twice, but that might have been food poisoning. I love my boyfriend, but my anxiety is even worse now because I freak out that he'll come home with it, and then it'll be inevitable that I'll catch it or have been contaminated before realizing he's sick. It's so unhealthy, the amount of time I spend worrying about possibilities and being sick.

I think what really triggered me today was reading on a local Facebook group that "there's a bad stomach flu going around" after someone posted about what they thought was a bad hangover. The post about the hangover didn't bother me; reading about people being sick because of reasons other than noro doesn't bother me. But once I read that comment, I freaked out, thought too much about it, and started feeling nauseous.

Now I have a stomach ache, half convinced I'm sick and then half convinced/rationalizing that I'm completely fine and this fear is stupid. Because it is, it's stupid! But beyond our control to a certain degree. I wouldn't wish this phobia on anyone. It's horrible because vomiting is a normal component of our lifespan... it's not a normalcy like BM's where it's a daily occurrence, but it happens every so often just like a cold or flu. I know these things. Deep down, I'm rational, but somewhere there's a disconnect and two completely different thought processes.

I. Hate. Emetophobia!