I know this is a late response so it won't help you with your New Year's fears, but I just want to tell you that no matter what happens or how you felt and how you reacted, you did NOT ruin anything. No matter what anyone tells you, you did not ruin anything.

I struggle with the same feeling and have said to my family so many times "I'm sorry for ruining [insert event here]" and they (thankfully) always reassure me that I didn't ruin anything because I can't help how I feel and what my fears are. And they are so right -- this is a horrible phobia and it DOES feel like we ruin things for ourselves and for others, but we need to not let ourselves get into that mindset because it only makes the phobia worse, as the phobia becomes tied to anxiety and panic not just over v* but over the phobia itself for fear of having it affect others.

It probably sounds like I'm full of nonsense, but I just wanted to say that. Hope you were able to enjoy your NYE and New Year's without too much anxiety.