It may be that I am not thinking straight after being ill,or maybe V*ing last night was the first step,but suddenly I feel that I want to fight emetophobia and learn to cope with it.
I have had emet for as long as I can remember and do not know where it came from at all. I do know that it has contributed to the shyness and lack of confidence that I have always suffered with.
When I was young I never wanted friends to play in my bedroom in case they V*. My bedroom was my safe room. If my sister or parents v* I would always hide in my room shaking and crying until it was over. I never enjoyed school trips as there was always a chance of someone being travel sick on the way. Guide camps were the worst. I remember once that half the guides came down with a sv and it was awful Nowhere to hide from all the v* sounds. This was enough to make me leave Girl Guides.
When I was 14 I took up Ju-Jitsu and this was a real confidence boost. I never feared anyone V*ing as I guessed if someone felt ill they would not be able to join in with such a physical activity. After 7 years of Ju-jitsu and just one grade away from my blackbelt it happened. A man dislocated his shoulder and v* from the pain. That was the end of another hobby because of emet.
I have always loved children and planned to bea teacher, but alas after Alevels I started to worry and decided I could not go to uni because of the emet again. Instead I went to the local college and did a Nursery Nurse course and then went on to run several creches. This work was ideal as if a child looked ill there mums were still in the same building and I could fetch them quickly whilst the other creche workers stayed with the ill child. I still got anxious before every creche session.
After having children I thought my emet would get better but it seems at its worst right now. i really have to push myself for my childrens sake, but I do not want it to be like this anymore. I want to be a good mother all the time not just when the children are well. I want to be more relaxed when my husband is home from work as all I do is keep asking him if hee is ill until he can take no more and gets annoyed.
I took the big step of making an appointment with my GP to discuss my emet today. I have always been too scared and embarrassed in the past. Iknow I can be strong for once and fight this.