Rant about Emetophobia

[Unsweetened68]

Hey guys,
I posted this before but then got logged off and it didn't show up so I'm sorry if this ends up being a double post. But I've had indigestion non-stop for a month and the cause is still unknown and now my emetophobia is keeping me awake at night. I feel hopeless and I'm starting to believe I'll be unwell for the rest of my life because this haven't happened to me before, for this long at least. My phobia is really starting to annoy me now because
1. It is a vicious cycle. I am fully aware that v* is your body's natural reaction to toxins and afterwards you feel better. Yet, I can't bring myself to do it and I've been like this since I was very young. I remember in preschool my teacher told us about how much v*d while pregnant with her son and even as a 3 year old who wanted to marry a prince and start a family with him, I automatically thought "I don't want kids anymore." I haven't thrown up since I was 8 (I don't even know how, this would be almost 10 years ago) and because of this, I've forgotten the sensation of v* which is making me fear it even more. The longer I go without throwing up, the more I am scared of it and the more I want to delay it.
2. It is making me rely on medications. I'm not sure if my indigestion is worsening because I've taken medicines too much to the point they don't work. I try to stick to breath mints and binaural beats for nausea, sometimes with chinese medicine (axe brand universal oil works amazingly, also bao ji wan pills) because I don't want to rely on chemicals. However, last time I had indigestion I took a lot of domperidone which suppresses nausea and encourages stomach movements. Now I suspect that it is the cause of my sickness because my stomach NEEDS it to digest I don't even know what to do... Linking back to point 1, whenever I feel nauseous I give myself an excuse to avoid v* such as "I don't have time to be nauseous, i need to get homework done" and take domperidone and so the cycle continues... I can only buy domperidone in China and my supplies are running low since I take it so much!
3. It is making me horrendously selfish. Last time I felt nauseous, my boyfriend stayed with me on the bus, gave me a plastic bag and water and talked to me to help me calm down until we got to the school nurse. He looks after me and I am so grateful for it, and I wish I could reciprocate it. However, last time he told me he felt nauseous, I was panicking and trying my best to avoid him instead of taking care of him the way I should've and wanted to. I always imagine myself looking out for him, but the reality is that my phobia will make me unable to help and I feel awful about it.
4. I'm not sure if I can get help, because my emetophobia is not as intense as most people here and I'm not sure if it even counts!! I love food and eat out a lot (which is making my indigestion extra sucky because it separates me from my favourite thing) and I get squeamish when I see someone v* in a movie but I don't start panicking, but I would do literally anything to avoid myself v*ing. My culture also doesn't take mental health seriously, so I'm not sure how to bring this up to my parents. I remember when I was 13 I had a tonsil stone and my parents didn't know what it was and they tried to remove it with tweezers, which gave me a gag reflex. I didn't v* but start crying because I was so scared of it and my parents just told me that my grandma was in chemo and has to v* all the time. The therapy might also be expensive, and after making them spend thousands on speech therapy for my lisp last year, I'm not sure how to ask them for it.
Anyways, that's my rant and mini life story over. Thank you for sticking with me, feel free to rant in the comments and if you have any advice, it would be appreciated xx

[gumdropper1]

1. None of us want to vomit. You don't have to either. Most of the time.
2. You don't need meds. Save them for extreme emergencies.
3. Your boyfriend understands that you feel differently about vomiting than he does. He doesn't expect you to take care of him when he's puking.
4. Emet interferes with your life and it counts. You should be able to get help if you need it.

[Jhr2678q=]

I agree with Gumdropper, your phobia counts, and you should seek out help. You may also want to look in with your primary care doctor just to rule out something like GERD (acid reflux). If it is GERD it may very well be that small changes to your habits can control most of your symptoms (ie. limiting sugary/spicy and acidy foods, and eating more frequent smaller meals). Just as an example, I have chronic GRED so I eat 5-6 small meals a day (every 2 hours or so), don't eat at least 3 hours before bed time, and I do not let myself have any Trigger foods more than once a day or so.

Also, if you do have GERD mints may actually be exacerbating your nausea. Peppermint oil relaxes the esophagus (same with licorice) and can make your indigestion worse.