Hello there, first of all, TRIGGER WARNING! Not gonna say the word or describe v*ing, but I am going to talk about the bug, so for those who don't want additional information or new things to worry about - don't read this.
I am a mostly recovered emetophobe. I've done CBT, and am not scared to v* while drunk, am not that scared to get poisoned, can watch people v*, and be in situations that involve v*. However, I've just ran into a little bump in the road. Last week, my teacher came to work THE DAY AFTER he v*d from the bug (according to him at least), and even stayed at school after he had - to quote him - "had a relapse with his stomach issues". It made me so angry that he would expose everyone to the risk of contamination, but I still went to his classes without further anxiety, and everything was all good. UNTIL my best friend got it too. Now, he lives in Norway (I live in Finland), so I know there's absolutely no risk of catching it, but somehow the fact that he and his neighbour got it makes me super anxious. He is so calm about it, he just treats it like the flu. Needless to say, we talked a lot about it - in graphic detail. He heard his neighbour being s* in the bathroom next to him, and that threw me off somehow. It just made me intensely anxious and scared. And I have no clue why. Talking about it doesn't freak me out anymore, but suddenly, BAM - anxiety?
Then we talked about the bug and how long it lasts, and he said you can v* for up to 4 days? He was once sick and v*d for 8 days, highly likely not from the bug though since he is a stress and panic v*er and was having a really bad time. I've only had the bug very few times in my life (knock on wood), but every time me, my sister, or my dad (mum doesn't v* at all) have had it, none of us have v*d for over a day. Ever. So, that is now a new concern of mine. And what also freaks me out is that everyone around me is getting it, my OCD keeps telling me that it's my turn next. And it makes me wonder, how often do people actually get the bug? Is it more often than I think? An additional concern is how calm I actually am about the thought of v*ing. I think that might even be what causes the most anxiety. Before, I was sure I would have committed suicide if there was any logical chance of me v*ing. Now that I've had to think about the bug a lot, I view it more as a flu, only much more horrible of course. And that makes me super uneasy. My brain is SCREAMING that I should not be this calm about the thought. My best friend had to go to the store despite being ill, and v*d on the way there. My instinct reaction is to be horrified it's gonna happen to me, and trust me, I am, but at the same time, I almost can imagine myself doing the same. It's such a weird blend of emotions. I feel so sure that I have it too now, and it freaks me the f out, yet the thought of actually being ill isn't so bad. I just don't know what to do. The weird calmness is making me depersonalised and everything feels fake and weird. He views it so casually, like he v*d a little and it was no big deal. It wasn't anything he thought of that much. It feels so foreign, but also understandable, and it's a terrifying feeling and I just feel some weird panicky anxiety creep in me. Has anyone had a similar experience?