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Thread: Feeling lost...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2019

    Question Feeling lost...

    Trigger Warning - I do use the word V**** (Not sure if it's preferred I blank it out or not...)

    Hey everyone, I'm new here and still learning my way around so not sure if this is the right place to post this?

    I haven't been diagnosed with emetophobia but I'm pretty sure I have it (or at least some form of it)

    Quick background - I have severe social anxiety and selective mutism. I have extreme anxiety around talking to people and I can't leave the house without a family member.

    First of all, I know I'm not afraid of vomiting itself. My fear lies with being afraid of vomiting in front of others. It's only been this past year that I've been struggling with this but it has got completely out of control and I'm not sure where else to turn...

    Last year, I changed my depression medication. The change has helped a lot with my depression...but it came with a side effect...a dry mouth. At first I tried to ignore it but it got worse when I tried increasing my dose. My throat felt so sticky that it made me feel sick. I lowered the dose again which helped but unfortunately the anxiety had already taken hold. I started to worry about vomiting outside of the house and began avoiding going out with my friends. Because of my selective Mutism and social phobia, I feared the noise, mess and lack of control. I started feeling nauseous every time I got scared (anything social) which made the fear of vomiting worse. My sister suffered from emetophobia for a number of years (she's a lot better now) so vomit became a taboo subject in our house. I couldn't even mention feeling ill for fear of sending my sister into a panic. I believe, this fueled my anxiety also as vomit became a very bad thing.

    I've been trying my hardest to cope with the fear but over the year, things just kept getting worse. Even though I felt nauseous so often, I was never actually sick, which I was using to try to help my anxiety. Unfortunately, last month, I ending up vomiting...It wasn't a bug or anything. It was anxiety. The experience wasn't actually that bad and I hoped that my anxiety would finally realise there was nothing to be scared of....but it's had the opposite effect. Things have gotten so much worse...

    Even though my fear is more about vomiting in public, I've started to get anxiety around it in my own house. I was already struggling a little with eating and feeling full before I vomited but now my anxiety is a lot worse. I was sick after dinner, so I started feeling scared around dinner time. I feel full after dinner and so I start to worry uncontrollably until I feel really nauseous. I'm trying to eat smaller meals but it doesn't seem to matter how little I eat. I expect to feel sick after eating now so I constantly worry about it. I can feel it starting to appear during other meals too now....I get anxiety being around my sister because I'm still scared of feeling sick around her, even though she keeps assuring me she it better around vomit now. I haven't left the house for over a month because this is all too much to deal with....I just don't know what to do anymore...

    I'm not sure if all this qualifies me as having emetophobia but I know I have a problem. I feel so lost and hopeless and I have no idea how to fix this...At least with my social anxiety, I had a method that worked. I was making steady progress after having a course of CBT...but now I've fallen even lower...I always feared getting so bad I couldn't leave the house....and now that fear has become a reality....I just don't know what to do....I can't visit a doctor or ask for more therapy because my anxiety is so intense....

    Not really sure what I'm hoping for by writing my story here....advice? guidance? a miracle maybe? I'm just slowly giving up hope...I don't know where else to turn...

    Thank you for reading all this if you get this far. I always write too much! <3

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2017

    Default Re: Feeling lost...

    Hi <3

    I'm so sorry for what you're going through, it sounds like an absolute nightmare. Yes it is emetophobia, but it's different to mine. I feel like there's much more hope for you to recover because from what I've read, you don't seem to have any fear of the sensations themselves, whereas I do, and this is where our phobia differs immensely, but it is still the same phobia.

    The honest advice I would give, and it may sound harsh, is to quit your depression medication. Only because I know for a fact that those sorts of medication make matters worse for so many people, and you seem to be having even more anxiety since starting them. You are also obsessive-thinking, which I can totally relate to because I'm also stuck in that rut myself, thanks to stress.

    It's so difficult for me to know how to word this, because I know your fear is just as valid to you as mine is to me, but I honestly would do anything to not be scared of the act itself, so through my eyes, your phobia seems so much easier to cope with for me personally, if I had your fear, I'd be able to fight my way out of it with rational thinking. I'm not saying it wouldn't be a struggle - it would. But the way we perceive things is infact something that we can snap out of and take control of. I also think CBD oil would really help you, not only can it calm anxiety but it stops you from feeling sick too. So maybe try that, and you'll get to a place eventually where you can go out and know you'll be absolutely fine because the CBD is protecting you. <3



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