Trigger Warning - I do use the word V**** (Not sure if it's preferred I blank it out or not...)



Hey everyone, I'm new here and still learning my way around so not sure if this is the right place to post this?

I haven't been diagnosed with emetophobia but I'm pretty sure I have it (or at least some form of it)

Quick background - I have severe social anxiety and selective mutism. I have extreme anxiety around talking to people and I can't leave the house without a family member.

First of all, I know I'm not afraid of vomiting itself. My fear lies with being afraid of vomiting in front of others. It's only been this past year that I've been struggling with this but it has got completely out of control and I'm not sure where else to turn...



Last year, I changed my depression medication. The change has helped a lot with my depression...but it came with a side effect...a dry mouth. At first I tried to ignore it but it got worse when I tried increasing my dose. My throat felt so sticky that it made me feel sick. I lowered the dose again which helped but unfortunately the anxiety had already taken hold. I started to worry about vomiting outside of the house and began avoiding going out with my friends. Because of my selective Mutism and social phobia, I feared the noise, mess and lack of control. I started feeling nauseous every time I got scared (anything social) which made the fear of vomiting worse. My sister suffered from emetophobia for a number of years (she's a lot better now) so vomit became a taboo subject in our house. I couldn't even mention feeling ill for fear of sending my sister into a panic. I believe, this fueled my anxiety also as vomit became a very bad thing.

I've been trying my hardest to cope with the fear but over the year, things just kept getting worse. Even though I felt nauseous so often, I was never actually sick, which I was using to try to help my anxiety. Unfortunately, last month, I ending up vomiting...It wasn't a bug or anything. It was anxiety. The experience wasn't actually that bad and I hoped that my anxiety would finally realise there was nothing to be scared of....but it's had the opposite effect. Things have gotten so much worse...

Even though my fear is more about vomiting in public, I've started to get anxiety around it in my own house. I was already struggling a little with eating and feeling full before I vomited but now my anxiety is a lot worse. I was sick after dinner, so I started feeling scared around dinner time. I feel full after dinner and so I start to worry uncontrollably until I feel really nauseous. I'm trying to eat smaller meals but it doesn't seem to matter how little I eat. I expect to feel sick after eating now so I constantly worry about it. I can feel it starting to appear during other meals too now....I get anxiety being around my sister because I'm still scared of feeling sick around her, even though she keeps assuring me she it better around vomit now. I haven't left the house for over a month because this is all too much to deal with....I just don't know what to do anymore...

I'm not sure if all this qualifies me as having emetophobia but I know I have a problem. I feel so lost and hopeless and I have no idea how to fix this...At least with my social anxiety, I had a method that worked. I was making steady progress after having a course of CBT...but now I've fallen even lower...I always feared getting so bad I couldn't leave the house....and now that fear has become a reality....I just don't know what to do....I can't visit a doctor or ask for more therapy because my anxiety is so intense....

Not really sure what I'm hoping for by writing my story here....advice? guidance? a miracle maybe? I'm just slowly giving up hope...I don't know where else to turn...

Thank you for reading all this if you get this far. I always write too much! <3