OT: Is it normal?

[samara's on tv]

Okay I've been having this weird problem lately. First off let me tell you guys that from the time I was 5 I've been saying that I didn't want any children. I mean kids used to bug me (They still do) but lately...this year (Right after my 21st birthday) I've started having these feelings that I want a kid. I mean really STRONG feelings that I want a kid. It's not that I think a kid will FIX anything in my life, as a matter of fact I know a kid would just make things worse for me. But I still want one more then anything...is it just my body trying to tell me to kick it into gear and get ready to have a baby? I don't have a steady girlfriend/boyfriend (I'm a lesbian so I don't have a girlfriend, and I don't have a boyfriend but I have a guy who I'd be willing to sleep with to have a baby...it's weird don't ask) Anyway is this normal? Or am I just weird?


~Monica

[crimgoddess]

Monica- it's completely normal. It could mean that you are changing your mind, and opening yourself up to that possibility. I find myself really wanting a child some days even though right now it's really not an option (I'm in grad school, and at the moment my boyfriend and I would struggle financially if we had a child). I think sometimes we romanticize the idea of being a mom, and like the idea of having unconditional love from someone.


Whenever I find myself in this state I either babysit, or go to an area heavily populated with kids- museum on weekends, toy store, etc. After dealing with squabbling over a barbie doll, or seeing a kid throw a massive fit in the middle of the store, that feeling usually passes. I also think about all the things I can do now that I wouldn't be able to do if I had children.....travel, go out whenever I want and stay out as late as I want, spend 200$ on a pair of shoes that I will likely only wear a handful of times, etc. I actually often end up feeling sorry for my friends my age that have kids, because they end up missing out on a lot.


I definitely want children- just not now. But some days I start to entertain the possibility......and then give myself a reality check.


*amber*

[shiva]

It's probably hormonal [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[chicajojobe]

Oh, yeah it's totally normal. Part of me doesn't really want to have a child and part of me does.



I think my ultimate decision is that I probably will have one someday,
but I'm not raring for it. However, I realize that when I get older
I'll probably start to feel like I want one.



I don't really like kids. I mean there's nothing wrong with them, but
you know how there are some people who just get along well with kids
and have known all their lives that they wanted to be mothers? Well,
that isn't me. It sounds silly but I feel horribly self-concious around
kids.



I'm probably one of the least maternal women on the planet, but
just like you I still have my moments when I see a kid and I feel some
warm, fuzzy longing. Especially, if it involves witnessing a guy being
nice to a kid...gah, it's so annoying how sentimental that makes me
feel (it's straight woman thing, don't ask! lol).

[nikki.l]

It's normal to want to have a child--it's in your biological blueprint to want to pass your genes onto another human being! I had a baby at 21 and it's been very difficult (she's now 19 months old). If I could change things now I think I would have waited ten years or so.


Nikki

[mjewell]

I grapple with this every day...for five minutes I think about how fun to be a mom, take juice boxes to soccer games, have family fun night, etc etc, but then 5 minutes later I am like Amber, thinking of all the things I do now that I couldn't, ie sleeping in!! Not to mention I get REALLY annoyed with kids in Costco


Problem is my husband is ready now, and I am already 27 and still not so sure...I hate feeling like there is a time limit, I kow, I still have lots of time, but I still feel that pressure to do it soon, you know?

[marby]

It's completely normal. I didn't think I wanted kids until I was over 30. People change and grow as they get older. You never know what you'll think/want down the road. I would be certain you are ready for a VERY full-time commitment before you act on your feelings though - it is a life changing experience!

[tayda]

LOL, I was really young when I had my son. It was a failure of birth control, but I feel strongly about abortion. (I'm pro-choice.. and I chose life).


Either way, there is much delayed self-gratification. I can't travel to the places I wanted to travel, I don't get to stay out or go out whenever I want to, time management is extremely complex (quality time w/ son, school, work, everyday house-hold chores). You have to praise all scribbles like they are the Mona Lisa.


All in all, it is worth it, BUT VERY HARD.. wait until you are situated (financially stable, steady relationship, and done w/ any kind of travel)


I looooveee my son more than life, and I mean it when I say that, BUT there are so many things that would be far easier if I had waited.


I agree w/ crim... go baby-sit, or go to a packed mall

[samara's on tv]

LoL Thanks guys. I mean when I see kids around I get annoyed. There's a kid in the apartment next to me sometimes and I can hear him cry (That's just about ALL he does and it's REALLY annoying) I mean I want a kid cause well this really stupid but I want to do all the things my parents never did for me. Like when he/she gets in trouble at school for something I want to stand up for her/him. If I do have a kid I only want one, because I came from a family of three (2 plus me) and I can see that there is favoritism towards the middle child (I'm the oldest) and I don't ever want my kid to think that I like his/her sister more then I like them. LoL I'm weird. Anyway that's my thoughts.


~Monica