A thought......

[Galadriel]

Hmm, I was reading some other topic, and got thinking about this. I think that maybe part of the reason v* is so horrific for us is just well, its like it makes you feel like degraded, and if you've got family around you who somehow you pick up on that being sick is a sign of weakness or its unacceptable, a family who doesn't make you feel that your an ok worthy person, I can see how this could all get compounded into one big phobia. It seems many of us attach our feelings of control and worth to this phobia, and if say we were to get sick in front of someone, or even just sick, then its like you feel worthless and degraded (even though logically you cannot help it). Its like your letting those people see you in your weakness in a way, and these are people who maybe are not kind to you when your down (I know a lot of us have not very understanding family). The thing I dont get personally is my mom seemed ok enough to me when I was ill, but I know at other times she could really make me feel like dirt. She has mental problems, and I know that my dad and bro kinda looked down on her because she was always so out of it, and she would be sick for stretches of time, then ok, then sick. Anyway, Im ramblin too much. But what do you all think about it?

[Jenneh]

i agree with you ... completely...


i worked out the reason i hate people seeing me or hearing me V*, is because to me, v*ing is a sign of weakness ... and vulnerability.. as well as this, v*ing, iv always thort is smthing tht ppl look down on you, when u do... therefore, because im social phobic, i care A LOT about what ppl think of me..


i guess its just the attitude iv picked up from living with my mother.. i dont konw though... i cant be sure where this phobia has come from.


Jen xxx

[Melikasa]

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<TD id=HB_Focus_Element vAlign=top width="100%" background="" height=250 UNABLE="off">I'm wondering if maybe you yourself associate being sick with being weak and degrading because of what your mom is like when she isn't well. If your dad looks at his WIFE like that and your borther his MOM. Instead of care and concern. Are you subconsiously thinking that if you are sicl you will lose everyones respect as well.
I know it is a horrible feeling of mine to ever be sick in public. I would be afraid of what everyone would think. I meanI am an adult to shouldn't I have been able to hold it or make it to a bathroom. How crude and dirty.
I've tried to tell myself that that isn't what I would think it has always been my nature to nurture and care for people and that there must be others out there that would be too. </TD></TR>
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[Galadriel]

Hey Jenneh and Melikasa!


It could be because of my bro and dad looking down on her so much, they still do, and its complex, because my mom is manipulative and very dependant on top of that, so I am doing my best to keep my distance from her. I have to.





I also know that my dad treats me pretty uncaring and downright disgusted when I am sick. He doesnt take it serious, and the last time I was sick v* he was quite mean. I don't understand why he is like that, but he can be very critical of me, adn I personally think it must be a throwback to my mom. I also know I got the fear that people would think less of me if tehy knew I was sick, and I know that is rationally not true at all, but I still couldn't help feeling maybe they wouldnt love me as much or something.


I agree that it is probably true for a lot of us not wanting to feel weak, vunerable like that in front of other people, or even other people knowing that we were sick like that.


Edited by: Galadriel

[Louise]

Yes, I totally agree with you there!


Because from past experiences, when i've been sick.... i've been sick on the carpet, and didn't make it to the toilet... and my mam would always tell me off, because she hates sick too (not sure if shes an emet. tho!) so she always used to shout at me if i never made it to the toilet, so when i was sick at my grandma's house.... i actually felt OK because 1. i made it to the loo.... sort of and 2. she never shouted at me, she was like... i wonder what made you sick. oh well go back to sleep.. i was panicking loads tho!!


And also because of embarressment, like if i as to be sick in school.... perhaps infront of everyone, i'd be scared of ppl hating me, and the teacher shouting at me!


[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]OMG..... i've now just found out why i hate it so much..... [img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img]

[izzybee]

I think certainly that is a part of my phobia although i've never really thaught about it too much before. I'm the same as louise I've never made it to the loo and I think I dont like the fuss and the panic when it happens. Almost how everyone else reacts when it happens to you or somebody else.

[Galadriel]

Hmm...well Ive always made it to something, so that never happened to me that I can recall anyways.

[sage]

yes, yes, yes, YES! You're totally onto something Galadriel. I am getting more and more sure of this the more I explore both my own feelings as well as research and listen to others with the disorder. More the former (my own feelings). Even though I can't muster up any anxiety about it anymore, the thought of seeing someone vomit making ME sick in front of someone else in an embarassing situation brings on an UNBELIEVABLE sense of wanting to avoid. Like a powerful force. I don't give into it (avoid all things/people to do with sickness) cuz I never want the phobia back-thank-you-very-much) but still the force is there, so I know this is a powerful reality.


It's just breaking into my THICK HEAD now with the help of an excellent therapist (one of the best - $140/hour X 56 hours!!!!! - and that's all AFTER I was "cured" by my previous therapist!!!) that I am not a totally worthless piece of sh** if I were ever to vomit in front of someone else (accidentally or in a hospital cuz I'm sick already). I'm slowly starting to really get it, and then the avoidance is less and less strong. But MAN O MAN does it ever take a lot of "re-routing" of neuropathways lemme tell ya.


Interesting stuff. The brain is amazing - wonderful and stupid all at the same time.

[Galadriel]

Hey Sage!


I agree that the force is always there, I think one can slip back into emetophobia if they aren't careful to keep the good stuff going (as in the not avoiding, positive self talk, ect), and it is hard to break the connection of "I am worthless when sick" and I think that only being around someone who lets you know that your ok and that they love you no matter what and that theres nothing that makes it your fault (ie a bad person) for being sick. I agree its not an overnight process to re-route those thoughts, but it definately gets better when one is around someone who uplifts and helps them and reassures them like that that you ARE very worth something.

[rachelle]

Ohh... im sorry but I disagree... my phobia must have stemmed from something else as iv never been told off byparentsor felt "worthless" when iv been ill in the past. My family r really loving and supportive like that, so y do Ifear it so much?! It doesnt make sense!!!


Rachel xxx

[Jenneh]

rachelle: do u disagree jst because ur situation doesnt fit? or do u disagree fullstop... i.e. therse always another explanation?


Jen xxx

[siafi]

I'm kind of in the same situation as Rachelle because I've never been made to feel bad about being sick. But, I do agree Galadriel's thoughtis very valid. I think that could definitely trigger this phobia. I think for me, I've always thought it was really disgusting when people v*ed, and I can't bear for other people to have the same thoughts that I have about people v*ing about ME, so i'm terrified to v* in front of others. Well, maybe that's sort of what everyone else is saying...I guess i'm just adding that there are other factors besides family problems.

[sage]

Rachelle,


Not everyone has the same root cause, or rather - combination of causes - for this or any other phobia. I was merely indicating that Galadriel has stumbled upon something that fits for her. Phobia in general is not caused by any one thing. This is a well-documented scientific fact. Even Vietnam vets witnessing the same horrific torture, sadism, captivity or whatever do not all get Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder. Some of them come through it fine. Others are mildly affected, and some are absolutely paralyzed with PTSD and unable to function in this world.


See my new thread on "The cause of emetophobia" and tell me if it rings true for you.

[rachelle]

I'm sorry i think my post came across wrong. I wasnt suggesting that what other ppl had said was wrong! I was jus saying that I didnt thinkthatexplanationwas the cause of my own situation. Sorry again.


Rachel xxx

[Jenneh]

u dont need to apologise Rachelle; i was just wondering what u meant !!


tke care


Jen xxx