what to do?

[craggs]

I would just like to say that you are all so brave, and i am thinking of you all. My phobia has hit hard this the last week as i have stopped eating and am constantly having panic attacks. Dont want to go out, and really fed up of life. To top it all of my boyfriend has dumped me today, as he said he cant cope any more! He also said that i have not been there for him, as his family have turned to alcohol, as his auntie died. So he said that i am not being there for him, but he knows that i dont like being around drunks, so he told me to stop being so selfish and he never wants to see me again! What am i to do, i love him so much and as if having this phobia is not hard enough i have lost him to. I have a really understanding family but dont no where to turn? Im 18 and know that there is plenty fish in the sea as they say, but have been with him for two years, and thought he understood? Any advice? [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[x hannah x]

Hi craggs! I havent seen you around before. Are you a newbie or do you just not post often? I'm sorry about your boyfriend, it's obvious he was going through a hard time and it makes people do stupid things when yhey're upset. Maybe you could send him an email or call him or something and let him know that you're there for him, and that you want to be friends. Even if it wasn't the most sensitive person I'm sure it will pass. I think you're friends are right, there are plenty of men out there. But who needs them anyway? Go out with some girlfriends and have fun with them. Remember that being single can be fun too. Good luck!

[Jenneh]

heya.. welcome to our family im glad u came here and introduced urself... i hope u wil find a lot of support here that u deserve.


you really really REALLY REALLY need to get this phobia down to a mangeable level so tht u can strt eating again. i stopped eating when i was 11, and got pretty darn ill, and i was recently told, if i stay th same weight i am now, they bet i will be seriusly ill in 5 yrs... so i have 5 yrs to get my weight up.. but the thing is, i cant, physically cant.


anyway sorry tht was a bit off-topic... about ur BF, if he can't handle the situation ur in, then mayb its for the best.. if hes having a rough time already im sure he finds tryin to understand an emet too, hard. thats why iv given up with boyfriends, only wen i get better will i let someone else into my life.


u said u have a supportive family, u really shud use that support to the maximum. do you openly talk about ur phobia and stuff to them? maybe ask them to help u find some help or smthing... its good that they support you.. many of us dont have that.


as Hannah said, ur bf was probably just upset anyway, with so much stress going on around him.. im sure he didnt mean it wen he said he never wants to talk to you again... and if he DID mean it, then it shows up his bad character, not yours.


i hope u feel u can carry on replying and producing messages on this forum.. i cannot emphasise enough howuseful this forum has been in helping me thru bad times e.t.c.


take care


Jen xxxxxxxxx

[siafi]

[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]It sounds likelife has been tough for both you and your boyfriend. Maybe with all that was going on in his life at the moment, he didn't feel like he could be as supportive to you as he wanted. That would be frustrating for both you and him. Maybe you could just let the situation lie for a bit and give your relationship a bit of a break until things get better. After things have cooled down, you both could reevaluate your feelings and figure out whether its best for you two to get back together or try seeing other people. It's hard, but you may end up a lot happier!

[Babydoll]

sounds to me like you might be better off without him. if he cant handle it now, whats it going to be like when you have even more stress in your life as you get older? its almost better that he goes now before you have even more time and energy invested in him.


I know what your going through exactly. when i was 19 ( im 21 now) my boyfriend of 3 years decided i was too much to handle and broke up with me. in a way he was right. I put way too much emotional stress on him and depended on him too much. it wasn't healthy. it took me about a year and a half to get over him, and it was the hardest time of my life, but I realized that i needed to do things for myself and learned how to rely on myself more, and grew up.me and him breaking up was probably the best thing after all.i now have a boyfriend who loves me even more, and a more healthy relationaship, and he knows about my phobia and wants to help me.


you see, a man who really loves you accepts every part of you. he obviously isnt mature enough to handle it. i wish you the best.

[Melikasa]

I wish we could welcome you under better circumstances, and I wish I had a quick fix for your hurt. It is hard to feel rejected especially in your time of need. I agree though that Lot of time people will something that they don't mean in the heat of the moment. Even if you don't stay intimatly close maybe you can still be friends and when you are stronger yourself you can be there for him and vise versa.
It isn't your fault though. It is the illness just like alcoholism or schitzophremia you can't be expected to be there for others when something has taken over your life. Even if you try you aren't giving your whole self and may regret it in the end as well.
Get your mind focused on what is THE MOST IMORTANT THING right now. YOU and eating and working on your self stregth and motivation.
It will take time. As does anything worthwhile. Big hugs and keep in touch.