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  1. #1
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    Feb 2006
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    I've been dealing with the phobic nature of this whole thing for the past few months, and after explaining to my parents, printing off the info sheet on this site, and ALL of it.. my mother, in particular, is getting exhausted by it all, and annoyed.

    After lots of weight loss, excessive "i feel hot feel my head"'s, constant worries about food gone bad, or eating out, or washing hands(they are particularly upset with the hand washing!)... they arefinally at this point starting to yell at me.

    Again, my dad is more accepting of it than my mother. She goes just about bonkers with it all. She wants to send me away somewhere! Thinks i'm a LOON!

    It is all such a negative atmosphere, and it truly does make me feel awful. Because its not like I already wish I could not let this stuff bother me so much, and on top of it all be snapped at by my mom constantly.

    Do any of you have parents or family who get truly upset/ticked off/sad/annoyed by you because of this? My mom cries over me constantly. I can hear her sobbing in the living room right now because I made my dad feel my head!

    Oh geez. She just came in here and was bawling. She said "look at you" and pointed to my arms and how skinny they've gotten, and the roughness on my hands... she said 'everyday its something new for you..everyday you're worried about something new'.... 'i cant stand to see you do this to yourself.. you act like there is nothing wrong'

    it is breaking my heart. i know i have this problem. but its new. and ive been making strides. and she cant see it. ijaogaoigaodijaogij

    Ugh[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img] Edited by: liz28

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Canada
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    537

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    Hello...are you new to this site? first of all, you came to the right place, you can get support here...and no one will be annoyed or angry or not understanding. Your mom is probably very worried, but it would be nice to have some more support around im sure! I too have been bothered by people telling me ho wskinny i am and not understanding, my family tries to understand, sometimes gets annoyed if I ask them a million times in a day to feel my head, but it was best i told them what was wrong...maybe you rmom doesn't know how to react and thinks by doing this she is helping? like a tough love thing...im not sure...alot of people do not understand the depth this fear can go and how absolutely terrifying it is to have it! terror for me is the only word...hang in there...and keep coming back for support.

  3. #3
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    Jan 2005
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    United States
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    I think when it comes to your mom, she is more than likely blaming herself for you having this. She probably doesn't know what to do to help you and is more than likely just very frustrated. I am sure she loves you very much. The hard thing for you is, she has a funny way of showing it. Her being annoyed with your behavoir isn't going to help you out any. Instead of pointing out how this has affected you, she should be listening and trying to help. I understand. I remember being in your shoes, my mother was kindathe same way. Unfortunately, she has never quite understood the extent of my fear; I don't think many people without it do.


    I would try to sit down and have a talk with your mom and let her know how her behavoir is making you feel. Explain to her that you are not a loon, you just have developed a phobia. Are you in therapy? Would she be willing to send you and possibly join in on some sessions? Afterall, I am willing to bet she may be the source of some of the problem.


    Hang in there.
    \"This too shall pass\"

  4. #4
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    Feb 2005
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    United States
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    I agree that she is worried and frustrated. I find it interesting though that she does not seem to offer any real suggestions for help. You've shown her all of the information about the phobia, presumably not just for understanding but also because you need help. Am I correct? Yet she just cries to you. It's so non-productive. My mother sounds similar from what you posted. Rather than being capable of supporting me if I need help, she panics, cries, falls to pieces herself. Not good.


    shiva is right that going to family therapy is probably a good step because there are family roots to this phobia as there are with so many other problems.

  5. #5
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    Feb 2005
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    United States
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    Just a real practical piece of advice -- you could get a thermometer. Then you won't need to ask about your head, and maybe she'll cry less. This is just an evasive step.

  6. #6
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    Feb 2006
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    United Kingdom
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    My mum's the same. Although she's never gone so far as to get upset. She just acts as if I'm fine and making it up. When I told her there was a site. and a name for the phobia she just laughed. Told me I don't have a phobia. Just a normal fear thats not that bad.

    My Dad listened when I told him. Tells me he used to be like that. 'like that' meaning he feared it when it happened...but it never ruled his life or came into his mind all the time.

    I hate my mum not belieiving me, I think if she did then maybe it'd be much easier. I so want to go speak to the doctor...see if that could solve anything but without her I can't.

    xxx.
    <font color=MAGENTA><font face=\"Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif\"><font size=\"1\">Courage doesn’t always roar sometimes it’s the little voice at the end of the night saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow’</font></font></font>

  7. #7
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    United States
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    This sounds all too familiar to me because I have been asking my parents to feel my head and if I look pale since I was 5 years old and I'm now 28. My parents and my husband know about my phobia and they deal with it, but they are not very compassionate or supportive when I am freaking out. I have printed information out as well about the phobia and pointed things out to them but nothing seems to help them understand what I go through. My husband actually even makes fun of me for coming to this site....he thinks it's no big deal to v* and doesn't understand why I have such a hard time dealing with it.


    I went through a stage about 10 years ago where I got very skinny because I wasn't eating and my mom started to get angry. I think on the outside she is showing anger, and on the inside she is scared and upset about it. Keep trying to help her understand what you are going through with this phobia.


    I know it's hard when you have no one to turn to and that's why I started coming to this site, for some support from other people who totally care and understand how you are feeling.

  8. #8
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    Feb 2006
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    United Kingdom
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    My mum is exactly the same! Both my parents arent very supportive when it comes to my emet and ocd, but my dad doesnt get angry like my mum does. I find it so hard to eat meat because im so terrified incase it isnt cooked properly and this makes her furious and she wont speak to me for days afterwards. She has cried in the past telling me she has sat up all night crying and that she thinks i am killing her because of the way i am. My hands are red raw from washing them so much and when my mum isnt there i am constantly asking my dad if i look paler than usual or if i feel hot! He thinks its a bit funny and jokes about it sometimes but not in a nasty way. i try not to talk about it in front ofmy mum now because i know it upsets her and makes her angry!


    but i know how you feel liz28 about it making you feel awful, sometimes it makes me feel so depressed because they dont understand how bad it is for us!! i am just so grateful there is this site xx


    x abbie x

  9. #9
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    Mar 2006
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    Australia
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    Wow, just found this site today - what a relief, after 15 or so years of freaking out whenever I felt ill. Unfortunately, in my experience, family and friends are not so undertanding when they don't understand the proplem (much the same with depression and other related illnesses which can't be easily tested or diagnosed).


    The thing torememberisthat although they may not understand, THEY STILL LOVE YOU!


    I think it is human nature to want what is best for those we love. If your mum can't 'see' anything wrong with you (i.e. no obvious signs or symptoms), thenshe doesn't know how to 'fix' you. My guess is that's what upsets her, and that's where the crankiness comes from. Regardless, you need to tell her, and your dad, that you still love them.


    When I was writing this reply, I startedthinking about how lucky (?)I have been with my situation (though I wouldn't wish this phobia on anyone!). It was just my mother and I at homewhen she had cancer off-and-on over a few years. Shebecame very conscious of 'clean' food and prep areas, as her own immunity was comprimised by the treatment. That made my daily battles with this phobia alot easier because the two of us had similar ideas about hand washing and cooked food (though I think I was still worse than she was).


    As for the rest of my family, they just think I am a picky eater (eg they think I don't eat chicken because I used to work in a chicken shop and have seen enough to last me a life time, the real reason is I fear it won't be cooked properly and I will get crook).Maybe its wrong for me to continue like this with them, rather than get them to understand my demons, but so far, it seems to work for me.


    To be honest, I'm not sure that dragging your mum to therapy with you is such a hot idea if you are looking for a cause of the phobia. If your mum is already this fragile about it, who knows what might happen. But then again, I am speaking as someone who has already lost her mum, so I miss her driving me crazy (who would have thought???). So although it pains you that she doesn't understand your problem, surely the fact that she loves youis still something worth holding on to.


    This site has been a saviour for me (I didn't know until today that my fear had a name!). I am sorry to see there are so many sufferers, but finally I don't feel so abnormal.



  10. #10
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    Feb 2006
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    United States
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    My mom gets like that sometimes. She is really understanding about this but there are times when she is tired or in a bad mood and yells or gets an attitiude. My husband as well. I think he just gets frustrating cause I bother him alot. He just doesnt understand my problem he thinks it is stupid to fear over. He tries to be understanding but sometimes he can just can not be. I dont blame him i know i must annoy him but i cant help it and i cant stop it. Does anyone know how i can try to get him to understand?

  11. #11
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    Dec 2005
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    United States
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    I too wish I could get my husband to understand - if anyone has any ideas please share because I've tried just about everything and he continues to think my fear is stupid!

 

 

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