Wow. You could be feeling bad because, even though he treated you horribly, he is the father of your daughter. One of my friends was in a similar situation. Her husband mentally abused her for 25 years before she had enough courage to get a divorce. He remarried w/in a few years of the divorce, and last year was diagnosed w/ throat cancer. He just passed away a few months ago. My girlfriend hated his guts for the torment he put her through, but felt bad because, it was the father of her children.She put aside her feelings for him for the sake of her kids, who, had issues with him as well, but, still had a place in their heart for him.
As for your other issue, w/ your stepdaughter. You do sound a little cold, but, then again, I'm not in your situation and I have no idea how I would feel. Just try to remember that she is just a troubled kid who needs a lot of love and support. It's not her fault that she has such an inconsiderate mother. It's actually a compliment on your part that she would prefer to stay with you then her own mother. I'm sure your rules are just as tuff as the new ones, but, she obviously would prefer to stay with you.
I'm sure you've heard all the suggestions about counseling, therapy etc,., I just wish I had some words to help you get through this. Just stay strong for her and your daughter and do the best you can. There is this saying, I'm not sure how religious you are, but I know it's gotten me through some ruff times, whatever doesn't kill you will make you stronger, God wouldn't give it to you if you couldn't handle it.
Stay strong, try to have a positive outlook on things, and if your daughter wants to spend time w/ her dad, let her, it's ok. This is his punishment for being such an awful person. What goes around, comes around. ( ok, i'm done with the corny sayings...
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