my father passed away!!!

[trickyvicky]

Well i know i haven't been on line for a while but i just needed to come and express and share this with u lot....my father fell ill 4 weeks ago at home,he's been ill for a few years with kidney failure,liver failure,waiting for a heart bypass and diabetes...so not a well man,but the nite he fell ill he started to vomit up blood,which is to do with the liver faliure...it was a very traumatic thing to c but guys i forgot about my emet and got on and cleared up the vomit,which was mostly blood ...this was a big accomplish for me....well after he was admitted things just went down hill,he start to bleed internally again and was rushed to emergencysurgery...they warned us he might not pull through because of all the other things wrong with him...i felt so hopeless and a lack of control...seeing my father laying there on life support,not knowing what was to be ahead....well how he pulled through the surgery i don't know,but he was critically ill when he came out of sedation,and we all new he might not make it....well unfortunately he didn't he died of pneumonia on mar 7th and it was such a difficult day...althou we knew he was very ill,we didn't want the machines turn't off but at the same time knew it was time for him to say goodbye....anyway its nearly 2 weeks since my Father passed away,the funeral was Fri just gone,and it was so surreal,like it wasn't really happening....What I'm sacred of is I'm not grieving and I'm worried with the grieving processnot happening,my panic attacks and depression has been multiplied....this is how i became bad with my emet and agoraphobia 6 yrs ago because my auntie had passed away and i didn't grieve properly till 5-6yrs after she died....so does anyone have any advice or techniques that will help,so that i won't get to were i was 6yrs ago..????


I hope this hasn't upset anyone but i felt i needed to realease some kind of emotions,all I've done is cry through the whole time I've been writing this...On top of that I've just had a phone call to say i failed my theory exam which i took while dad was critically ill in hospital...i know some of u will say don't be hard on yourself,u had alot going on but i failed the stress section....how could i do that,something that i'mtotally in tune with because of what I've been through,but also i wanted my father to be proud of me....


I hope everyone is doing well take care


Vicky x

[donna1216]

I am so sorry for your loss, but you are amazing for taking such good care of your father!!!! Let us know how you are!!!

[babygap5]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost my dad about 4 years ago, and I still grieve for him. For me, my grieving process began about 6 months or so after he died. Up to that point, I had been crying every day and overall just plain sad. It happened in a dream. In my dream, I dreamnt of a funeral (although I didn't know who had died) and a wedding (again, not sure who was getting married). The thing was that during the funeral I was crying in my dream very hard, and I actually woke up crying, then fell right back to sleep. The dream picked up and conintued to the wedding part. When I woke up the next morning, I felt different. For the first time, I woke up and didn't want to cry. I felt at peace. I still miss him dearly, but time has healed the pain a bit.


Just cry when you want to, get mad when you want to, don't hide it, and don't hold it in. I hope this helps you a bit.

[2jo2]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Vicky.

[curly wurly]

I am really sorry to hear about your dad. My thoughts are with you.

[jodi054]

my thoughts are with you and your family !!!


have you been and seen your gp and asked for help ?

[dreamer]

Vicky, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. You were so brave, being able to clear up after him. My dad died three years ago, and I still miss him. He'd had dementia, so for me the grieving process started long before he died, because we'd already lost him. I didn't cry at his funeral, but I've cried for him at every funeral I've been to since.


I think you're probably still in shock, which may be why you're not grieving. I hope you'll be able to work your way through it without it affecting your emet


About your exam, your dad would be proud of you no matter what!


my condolences to you and your family.


Fiona x

[kate1966]

Vickey, I am so sorry to hear about your dad...how sad you must be...but you were so brave in caring for him in his last hours....you did something to proud of. My thoughts and prayers are with youand your family.

[ontariogirl]

Vicky,
I am truly sorry for your loss. I am going through a loss myself and it is taking a toll on me. Your dad is proud of you!! When I got the news that my Grandma died I wept a bit but when I came on here and as I was typing the tears flowed, the choking feeling in my throat started and I let it out. I felt so much better after a good cry.
My heart goes out to you. Bless you and your family.

[trickyvicky]

Guys thankyou soooooo much for these's lovely words they mean so much to me....i've cried once again reading all the messages...but i feel better for doing so....as for seeing my GP it is something that i'm going to do this week as i'm already on Zispin, an anti-depressent so i'm going to c if he can up my mg....just to help me through this tough time...anyway thanks again to everyone who'd took the time to read and reply


vicky x

[harmonygirl72]

Vicky,


I've been thinking of you since you told me the news. You know how to reach me if you need anything. Take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts.


Love,


Mary

[chloe]

My thoughts are with you and your family too. Grief will come when it does but whatever you do try not to hide your emotions - if you want to cry do and if you want to get mad do.


Just remember that your dad is and always will be proud of you.

[violet]

So sorry to hear about your loss Vicky..

*Many hugs* My thoughts are with you [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

xVx

[kellybean]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I will be thinking of you and your family.

[californiagirl]

VICKEY,


My Mom also passed away in 2004, and I am STILL grieving. She died of kidney failure due to diabetes. She was ill for 3 years, and even though we expected it, her death was extremely hard on us. She was only 54. I have a daughter who is very emotional and was very close to my Mom, so I had to grieve in private, meaning that I would cry while I was alone, in the shower, in my room, in my car, etc., so she wouldn't get upset. I don't feel I grieved properly since I have to keep it together and stay strong for my daughter. I still feel like I did the day she died, it hasn't gotten easier. I don't know how to grieve, how long it's supposed to take, or how to make the hurt any easier. I do feel for you, as I know how you feel, and I wish you and your family the best, and please know that your Dad IS proud of you!![img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[samara's on tv]

I've never lost a parent but I did lose an aunt (My mom's sister)who I was pretty close to. She comitted suicide just one day out of the blue. I mean NO ONE was expecting it at ALL. We got a call from my uncle (My mom's brother) that my aunt had been found dead in her apartment. At first they thought it might have been natural causes but then they did an autopsy and found out that she had drank something poisonous right before she died. She had hepititus C, which none of us knew about, and she was slowly dying from that anyway.


I didn't cry at the funeral even though my whole family was balling the whole time. I even helped write her eulogy and I read the eulogy at the funeral. We went to the grave and each of the family memebers were supposed to throw some dirt into the grave to cover the coffin. I remember getting back in the limo and I felt like crying but I didn't.


I didn't actually grieve for her until about a week later when it just HIT me that she was gone. IT happened right in the middle of school too. I went to the counselor and talked it out with her.


I can't imagine what it would be like to lose father but it seems like you might still be in shock. Just remember all the good times you had with him, and remember the bad times, and remember just everything because in that way he'll never die. My prayers and thoughts are with you.


~Monica

[mommyof3]

Vicky, I don't have much to add, but wanted to express my sincere sympathies.

[charzysbebe]

I am terribly sorry to hear that about your father.


First off, it sounds like you are atleast starting to grieve while you were typing this post; second, I want to tell you that my oldest brother (age 34, whose 36 B-day would have been on Mar 7) drowned in the Missouri River the summer before last. I still haven't properly grieved, but I do know what works for me to get myself to "let it all out".


Try taking yourself back to times where you spent with your dad. Think of special songs you would listen to together; special places you 2 would go. That is what I have to do to grieve about my brother. I am not saying it is fun, but it is much needed. You will feel so much better.


I remember after the shock wore off a few days after they found his body, I couldn't cry, which made me feel guilty. I eventually went to the river to the spot he "went under". I threw white roses down stream, and watched them float off. I thought of him, and only him; good times and bad. I then began my uncontrollable crying. It felt good to get it out, but that wasn't enough. I would push the incident aside until I started getting more anxious and irritable; that is when I would go and look at pics of my brother and I when we were little. I would begin to cry, and again...it would help me feel better.


I am no where near the end of mourning his loss, but I will say, that it seems more real to me now, and sometimes I even think, "who can I call? Maybe I will call John", only to realize he is gone. That usually catches me off guard, and my eyes well up.


Things will seem surreal for a while for you; maybe even dreamlike. It is the denial stage. Eventually you will mourn. There is no right or wrong way to do it, for everyone has their own way.


I am terribly sorry about the loss of your father, and I am here if you need me. Charlotte

[suze]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. And try not to worry about the exam. I'm sure your father was proud of you just for who you are.


As grieving is a big issue here, I would really suggest berevement counselling, your GP should be able to recommend someone. This will be far more useful than any drug in the long run. Have a look at the following website - it also has a helpline should you want to talk with anyone:


http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/


Good luck and we'll all be thinking of you.

[angel13]

Vicky, just wanted to pass on my condolences to you, and your family. This is such a tragic thing to happen. It really put a lump in my throat reading this thread, as I can only imagine what it must be like to lose a parent.


I don't know much about grieving, but I suppose everyone handles loss in different ways. Although, don't hold back. If you want to cry, then cry. There is nothing worse than bottling emotions up.


My thoughts are with you. Look after yourself.

[Hale]

Oh vicky, I am so sorry. I don't really know what to say but just remember we are here for you. I am sure your Dad is proud of you. I know it is horrible to fail at things but you can retake it, it doesn't mean you are a failure, far from it. After everything you have been through you have proved how strong you are. Think how far you have come since you first joined here. I am proud of you. I remember the supportive pm you sent me 2 years ago when I had a bug and if you ever want to chat pm me or e-mail me at [email protected]

[court]

I am so sorry for your loss. You should be very proud of your self,you did an awesome job taking care of your Dad! My Dadpassed awayof liver faliure also.You hang in there.There is no right or wrong way to grieve,everyone grieves in their own way,and on their own time.My thoughts are with you.

[s_snow]

I am so sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[marieb73]

Vicky you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your father. Stay strong.

[arialmina]

My father died a few years back ina sudden heart attack. He was "n" and i was scared of him. I didnt' know that it was his heart. My ex husband didn't support me. That is why i never cried for my father. He was my best friend.


If you can find someone who can support you. If you need to talk, you can go to that person.


I am sorry about you father.