POOKEY30 - Update

[pookey30]

Hello all,


Hope you are all well and free of Emet situations !!!!


Havn't been on in a while as I am trying to forget that I am an Emet. Not working though. Neither is the therapy.


I have had 15 sessions and they will only give me a maximum of 20. I am no better at all. In fact, last night my son got up about 11.30 and was crying. He has a cold and a cough. I kept asking him what was the matter and he was just saying "Dont know". My other half had gone to football and was on his way home. I phoned him and he was minutes away. Anyway, within about 45 mins of my son getting up and crying I was on the loo with d*. I was that worried that he felt S* and I was on my own that it gave me d*!!!!! Doesn't seem like I am any better at all.


I have 5 sessions left and I know that I wont be cured withing that time. I asked my therapist what will happen after the 20 sessions and she said "nothing." My treatment will be finished and I will be on my own. I can't afford to pay for hypnotherapy so I will have to see if they will do it on the NHS. They can't leave me like this. I wanted to go again last night at the thought that he may be ill.


As I am typing this my son is going upstairs for a poo! Even with that I have to check him. He always likes me wipe his bum for him so I use this to check that he doesnt have d*. If his stuff is solid I know I have a good chance that he is okay. He hasnt been s* (touch wood) since I told the nursery about not letting him get his own water from the bathroomso I think I can safely say that the bought of sickness was from that.


What else has been happening with me? Not a lot. My daughter (Amy) is now 8 months old. She is now sliding aboutonher belly so she is mobile! Now the trouble starts. Apart from that not much has happened.


I want you all to know that even when I'm not on here I do think about you all and hope you are all okay. What with having the two of them at home and trying to forget about this nasty phobia I don't manage to get on line and on this site very often.


Well, I will try to get on line more often as it does help to talk to all of you. I just find it a bit hard to read the posts about the bad sicky stuff that happens.


Hopefully chat to you all again soon.


Stay safe everyone.


Karen (Pookey30) xxxxxxxxx

[mjewell]

Hi Karen -


Good to hear from you, I was wondering about you the other day. I'm sorry to hear your therapy isn't going well. Do you like your therapist? Sometimes it takes a few times to find the right one. The one I had didn't do crap for me either. So, for the time being I am on meds, and it helps me a lot. I feel like I barely have the phobia anymore. I know I am not solving the problem, but quite frankly I don't care. I am able to enjoy my life and that's what matters to me.


It sounds like regardless of the therapy you are handling things well. So you had d* - big deal. It's a far cry from running away, remember when you felt like that? Sounds like you are a lot stronger than you were a few months ago. Keep it up and don't give up hope.

[pookey30]

Hiya Mjewell,


Thanks for your reply.


Well actually, things are getting worse. I never used to get d* with worry but I do now. D* doesnt bother me. What is bothering me is that the worry is so bad now that I get it.


I still have my 14 year old niece over at weekends as Ashley works nights. She was busy last Saturday night so I had to have Ashley's friend stay over "Just in Case!" So, you can see that I am no better at all.


Last night when my son was crying and I was worried I was thinking that myself and my kids would be better off if I wasnt here. I would still rather not be here when it happens again.


Talking of my son, he has just woken up from a nap on the couch so I best go, and thanks again forposting a reply to mymessage.


Chat later


Karen


x

[gubba]

Karen... i too have been staying away a little bit to see if it will help, but I do check in to see if anyone "NEEDS" help as I hope to help them the way they help me when I need it. Anyway, I think about you all the time and I am sorry that your therapy is not going to continue. If it is not helping I guess it doesn't matter, but why are they not helping you? Why do theynot try harder? I understand that it may be more difficult for us to be "CURED", but I do think that a good therapist should be able to make us "BETTER." I know we can't ask for miracles. It took a lifetime to get to this awful point in our lives, so we cannot think that it will disappear so quickly, but asking for it to be better is not too much to ask for.


I am glad that the nursery water was the problem and that should make it easier knowing that he wasn't so sickly. I am like you...I still wipe my 4 year olds bottom when he poops so I can see if it is solid. I hate that we do that I would not admit that to anyone else but you guys. We are all so much alike and I would love to tell you that this would magically end, but it can't and I think that it will take a bit of time. We can do this and beat this awful EMET monster. We need to learn to make him less important and it can happen. I panic if my son does anything that seems slightly off and I hate that, but I then realize, he is 4 and he will do strange things and I need to know that it does not always mean he is ill.


It was so nice to hear from you and while I know a lot of us miss you, we do understand the need to distance yourself from the daily voice of everyone chatting about V* or fear of it or who is doing it.


Take care and keep trying....You CAN do this. Your kids are lucky to have you for a mom and they need you. If you can't be with them when they are sick, you can be with them the other times. Don't leave...just get them someone to be with them when they are sick and you can walk out for a few minutes to get a clear head and then you can re-group and come home. You were given those precious kids for a reason and it was not a mistake. they will grow up and be great people because they had you for a mom!!!!


We miss you

[pookey30]

Gubba,


Thanks, I can always count on you replying to me. There are so many special people on this site and you are one of them. I look at this site as a big family. In fact, I have more in common with people on here than I do with some of my own family!


I am so scared of the next time my son v*. I am that scared that I want to leave so I am not here. I know I cant do that. I love him and my daughter. They are the lights of my life and I couldnt live without them but this phobia is so bad that I could easily leave. Amy has just started to crawl and she now has 5 teeth. She is changing every day and I cant miss out on that. Blake made me a mothers day card at nursery. I would miss so much by leaving but I really cant even cope with the thought of being here next time he v* let alone be here on my own. God, it feels like I am going to have a heart attack, my heart goes tight when I think about him being s*. What is going to happen to me when hedoes actually v*.


I will try to keep in touch a bit more often and I want to thank you again for being here.


You truly are a lovely person.....


Karen xxx

[gubba]

you are too sweet and you need to remember that!!!! Let me tell you that you think you want to run, but you really just want to get away for that moment. Well...do that!! I assure you that I get someone here to be with my son while I go out and do something so I can get a clear head. This EMET thing fogs us up and at those awful times of pressure, it is so bad that we all want to run, but we can't...we love those kids too much and it is such a small part of being a parent that we need to know they need us for so many other things and this one thing is not our cup of tea!


Plain and simple, call the neice or get someone there so you can step out for a few minutes to go for example to get Ginger Ale or Gatorade or crackers. It is amazing how much a few minutes of freedom from the situation can make you get a grip on it. I know how difficult it is. I worry daily that my son will V* and I spend all day alone with him till my husband gets home from work. it is very hard to worry so much and I do think about it constantly, but I am trying to be better and I try to relax and enjoy this part of childhood since it is so short and one day, they will V* without us and I will be thankful for that, but in a way, sad that childhood got away from me so fast. They are only this cute and young once. That innocence is gone and then we are left with teenage, back-talking kids who won't care if we are there or not!!!!


I'm always around if you need someone, and I do love knowing you are o.k.

[mommyof3]

It's good to see you, Karen. I'm sorry the therapy hasn't helped.


Wow, I can't believe it was that water. Did the health department step in at all? I would think they should just eliminate that stupid tap.


The only thing I wanted to add about your situation is that you need to have faith in yourself--you made it through that awful bout with your son and didn't leave. You did it before so you can do it again. You're a great mom!

[pookey30]

Paula,


Hello to you and it's good to see you too.


Thanks for your kind words. Everyone is so great here. I know what you are saying that I got through it before but someone has always been here at the dreaded time so I have been able to stay away. It is going to happen one day when I am here on my own and I cant even cope with the thought of that let alone actually doing it. That is what I am so scared of. What am I going to do when I am on my own and my son tells me he feels s*? It is actually waiting for it to happen that is worse for me. If he did it and then told me that he did it and it was over I wouldnt be too bad. If he said he feels s* and wanted me to stay with him while it happens I couldnt do it. Then what kind of mother would that make me. I am 100% happy with everything else. If anyone had a limb hanging off or bleeding profusely I would be okay. I have also been okay with him having bad dihorrea. Anything but V*.


Well, I will stop ranting now. My dinner is cooked now and I have given myself a stomach ache with the worry. This is why I dont come on this site too often. Reading about all this just makes me worse.


I will try to keep in touch a bit more often now though as I do miss you all and wonder how you all are.


Hope you are free of emet situations !!!!!!!


Karen


xxx

[gubba]

Karen, maybe we can chat about happy things to make you better. I know I am the same way and thinking about it and writing about it scares me too. Do you work? What do you do? I know with the baby on the move now, you have tour hands full. I was so excited when my son started to crawl and then suddenly I was hating it when nothing was off limits. He would be in the shower, toilet or anywhere. He still likes to foloow me everywhere andhe is 4, so not much has changed. My son is a fun kid and very active. He does not go to preschool because he hated it so much and I am a sucker, so I keep him home. He will hopefully go in the fall, so I am keeping my fingers crossed. I have actually visited so many preschools that i am crazy over that.


I want you to know that we are all here even to chat about life in general, not just the bad things. Don't stay away!!! I'm like you and I hated reading about all the sickness etc... but I don't read that anymore, and I just read the posts that I know are not totally focused on sickness. If someone really needs help I like to be there for them, but I'm with you on getting freaked out over all the stuff.


Cheer up and keep writing to us.

[moonshadow]

YEAY KAREN!


I'm so glad you are back... well, maybe 'glad' isn't the word since none of us come here for the happiest of reasons... but I was worried about you when you didn't post for such a long time. Quite a few people posted, wondering where you were.


I'm sorry the therapy hasn't helped yet. Please don't give up hope. I wouldn't expect miracles for the NHS, anyway - there isn't even an NHS therapist available in my area. If the worst happens, remember it won't last forever or even very long and youWILL get through it.


So glad to hear from you anyway. Take care and love n hugs...xxx