How supportive is your bf/hubby?

[emi_rosu]

Hi guys, my first post in a while.


I was just curious to see how you others get treated by your bf/hubby? Ive seen most of the posts, some poor girls are putting up with people who are running out of patience, others have supportive friends. Seeing as Im still just a teen, I wanted to know if its any harder when I get a bit older.


Jay is supportive enough, Ive called him at 3am at times because of a stupid stomach ache or fake n* and he always comes over to check on me. He has no limit to his patience but works a lot now and I felt somewhat wussy because I talked with him about the future and if we end up together I can imagine feeling scared and calling him at work and most of the time, he'll probably be really busy (he wants to run Endurance Software).


What do you guys do if you cant help but panic and theres no-one to talk to?

[laurend]

My fiance is supportive of me but at the same time he doesn't understand it. He realizes how much is bothers me but now that i've complained so much it's almost as if he doesn't pay much attention anymore. We have a 2 year old daughter and when she was sick earlier this month (horrible sv, she v* for 5 days), after a while he just got kind of frustrated that he had to do all the workbecause i was afraid to hold her or even be around her. I guess it gets to a point with him where he thinks i'm overexaggerating my fear. People without a phobia don't really understand what it's like having to live with one. He still trys to help out whenever i'm scared, he's even slept out of the house when he's felt sick so that i wouldn't have to be around him if he v*. I guess i look at it as if he was afraid of flying or something. If it came down to it and we had to travel far, i would take the car ride with him, but i wouldn't be very excited about it. that's kind of what he does for me. He goes out of his way to try and make me comfortable but at the same time i know he doesn't enjoy it. You sound like you have a nice guy though, i'm sure you will have no problems with him at all. Hope this helps.

[jay_rough]

I understand it because I got it, but I know what you get at, and Amy, don't worry, I'll sort something out.


Yeah that's a way of putting it, they think you're exaggerating. Not much way around it sadly.

[nyxy]

I have never actually sat down with my hubby to tell him that I have a serious phobia. I dont know how to.


When the emet manifests, he thinks I am wacky and weird, and has even gently suggested hypochondria. He gets frustrated. He takes offense at my unwillingness to touch him when he is unwell. He thinks I have an obsession with his bowel movement as I ask him their state regularly. I know, ew.


I seriously dont know what to do.

[blondie90]

My boyfriend is semi-supportive. He doesn't really know the extent of this phobia. He knows that I hate v* and that I won't go anywhere near him if he shows any symptoms of a sv* but I don't think he knows it's something I dwell on day after day. He jokes around about it sometimes and it used to bug me, but I think I'd almost rather him kid around with me than take it really seriously. It lightens me up a bit! It's cute sometimes because if we're watching a movie or something and it looks like someone is about to v*, he's always like "are you okay?" "is this bad?". It's like he's trying to figure me out, because he's v*ed around me before when he's had too much to drink and I don't overreact because he isn't contagious. It's all a big mystery to him! I have a bad phobia of clowns too, so he always jokes that if we were to ever break up, he would make sure that my next boyfriend would be a killer clown with a sv*... lol... i always thought it was funny but reading it over it's kind of creepy...[img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]

[Carolee]

lol your too funny...

[abbey_16]

Well my boyfriend is supportive most of the time but somedays when i go on and on about being sick to him he gets kinda peed off with me, i guess its just so hard for people who dont suffer with emet to understand us emet people.... oh well! what can ya do!

[kel12347]

My fiance is amazing, he knows exactly how to deal with me as far as this phobia. It's maybe not exactly the way I WANT, but I think its the right way. When I'm panicking, he will do little things to make me more comfortable, but he will always remind me that whatever I'm worrying about is irrational. My fiance is wonderful about supporting me with my therapy. This guy has drawn pictures of stick men vomiting for me, has written sentences and paragraphs about vomiting, and has manufactured coughing and gagging tapes, too. He's also come to a couple of therapy sessions with me, and he spends lots of his time talking with me about the phobia, my progress, etc.


When I went through my bad period last August and September, he was so helpful, making me the foods I felt up to eating, and making sure I was as comfortable as possible. He also was calm with me when I was crying every five minutes. But he didn't tell me that my fear was normal, or okay, and I think that's the best way, that he can help me, yet not get to the point where he's supporting the phobia as an okay thing. My therapist was also impressed with the way he handles my emet moments. He will help to make me comfortable, but also tries to challenge my irrational thoughts and beliefs.

[sillygirl]

It took him a long time, but eventually my hubby became really understanding about it all. He still gets a little annoyed when he is sick and I pull out the 20 questions every five minutes to see how he is feeling, but other than that he is really good. He has actually learned a lot from me. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img] It wasn't until I pointed it out to him that he realized how often people use public restrooms without washing their hands, Now he is careful not to touch the door handles - not because he is turning into a germ-o-phobe, but because he thinks it is disgusting. I really don't know how I would get through this without him sometimes. He wants me to get better and supports any method I want to use to get better (therapy, etc, no matter what the cost) but he also realizes that it isn't going to happen overnight.

[trixie]

My hubby is brilliant. Only last night i had a 'funny' tummy and he sat and talked with me until 2am. Now, when i've dropped the kids of at school, i shall go back to bed as i'm exhausted, but he will be at work until 5pm tonight and he never moans. I'm lucky. Mind you it has taken me 3 hubbys to get the right one LOL>

[abbey_16]

Trixie... wow you must have a great guy

[nineuh]

Yes Trixie, hold on to that one. my boyfriend is usually very supportive and ready to do for me whatever I need, but sometimes he gets annoyed when I don't feel well. If I'm complaining about my stomach a lot, he might just tell me to just throw up and get it over with. He doesn't understand it that much. But he usually only gets annoyed when he's already in a bad mood or tired. Most of the time, he'll endulge me and tell me stories to take my mind off of it or whatever I want.

[kckitty]

My fiancee is very confused about this, and feels kind of hurt when I want to run away to my dorm room when he even he hasa h* (new to this forum, trying to catch on to your abbreviations)! I try to tell him that the reason I do that is because I'm applying the Golden Rule (I would want him to leave me alone if I'm feeling off) I really want to be able to be there when he feels off, especially when we move in (to a one-room apartment... eek!) together this fall. I don't want to camp outside when that happens, either. He tries to help though, when someone v* in movies or something by making it seem silly (which works most of the time). We love each other more than we can imagine, and we're both trying to get better about this.

[honeybee]

Well my boyfriend is supportive most of the time but somedays when i go on and on about being sick to him he gets kinda peed off with me, i guess its just so hard for people who dont suffer with emet to understand us emet people.... oh well! what can ya do!

i know what you mean my boyfriend is very supportive, but there comes a point where he just tells me to stop talking about it. he thinks i can play on it as well and use it as an excuse not to go some place. to a degree this is true, but he doesnt understand how hard it is for me to go out.


he was always more supportive when we were at school together, now he has left school, he has become less understanding because he doesnt seem to see the extent to which it bothers me on a day to day bases any more.

[sassenacch]

i have to say, eric does well about protecting me from seeing it in movies& stuff like that, but occasionally if he pounces on me & i say DON'T! i have an upset stomach, he may not take me seriously because he knows half my upsets come from anxiety.


he DOES however know that if i am extremely cranky, i might just be hungry. my family has this weird thing where if we're hungry, we get kinda vicious. sometimes in the mornign if i snap at eric, he might say "what's the matter, do i need to feed you??" hahaha

[tiggers]

I have a very supportive husband who has helped me in alot of ways deal with my problem[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img], I'm very lucky he's so patiant!![img]smileys/smilies_39.gif[/img]

[barby]

Hi.
My BF it's very supportive with my phobia but he wants me to see a psichiatrist. I think I will do that maybe it helps me a lot.

[grgygrl]

My husband of 14 years has NO IDEA. I have never told anyone except the people on here. He asks me sometimes, "Why don't you ever throw up?" And I say because I don't want to..[img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[katsamsmom3]

mine is supportive....but he still does not understand why i still get high strung even though he is taking care of everthing

[prncesspnk]

my bf is very supportive and wants to help me fight it, but he doesn't really understand it which is understandable i think... i just recently became open about my emets and my best friend is all like 'just throw up, just let it happen' and laughs about it, but i don't think i can be mad at her for that, i don't know...

[tiggers]

My Hubby is very very supportive</span>[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img], he washes any food I eat like veg and fruit etc, he cooks mean a little longer then needed so I won't freak out over pinkish beef etc, he does most anything I ask of him &amp; is pretty good all round</span>[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img], I don't think he 100% understands as he can throw up &amp; not batter an eye at it, but he never makes an issue out of it just does what he has to, I wash my hands alot to avoid germs &amp; he does the same for me (he doesn't have an OCD problem I do) he just knows that if he hasn't washed his hands before handling food (which is hardly ever) I won't eat what he cooks</span>[img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img] he is a blessing to me xx</span>[img]smileys/smilies_39.gif[/img]
Edited by: tiggers

[jaimeanne]

My husband doesn't truly understand how overwhelming this phobia can be.

I decided to join this group to learn coping techniques because today he wakes up and decides he might be coming down w/the flu &amp; he's "quezy", automatical my mind goes to the obvious, he know this and says, ya know I can make you get over "this fear" I'm going to make you watch me a few times, then you get over it....

UH NO!! I Told him, that's not going to work, instead everytime I see you, that's what I'll see and it could end our intimacy for sure...

So, he's not very supportive b/c I think he thinks that the fear is irrational, which it is, but he thinks I should be able to just stop. Obviously I can't just stop being afraid of it.....

[img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]

[kimm992]

My boyfriend is VERY supportive. There have been a couple times
where I was freaking out about being around someone who I thought had a
sv* and I started to manifest symptoms that weren't real and he kept
saying, "it's okay, you're not gonna get sick....it's just cuz you're
scared, etc." and he was totally understanding and has never made me
feel stupid about it.



He makes sure to cook any meat that he makes for me for extra long, remembers to wash his hands more than usual, etc.



He warns me if v* is going to happen in a movie (and will even cover my
eyes for me while I plug my ears) and once his friend was over and was
v*ing before I was supposed to get there so after his friend went home
he cleaned the entire house with bleach for me before I got there.



This may be TMI....



but if we're going to get intimate he'll make sure he washes his hands
(so if he touches my face I won't get worried) and sometimes he'll even
say, "I cleaned my hands" before I even mention it just to reassure me.



I'm really lucky.

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Edited by: kimm992

[rebock98]

I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend. Whenever I am having an attack, even though he cannot understand what I am going through, he is there for me. We talk about getting married and I told him that I do not think I can have kids because of my emetophobia, he said that he supports me, even though I know he wants his own kids. He said that we could adopt and I said that I would be an unfit mother because I couldn't tend to my sick child. He said that he would take care of the sick children, because I could not. I am so lucky to have him. Part of me thinks that I owe it to him to break up with him so that he can have his own children, but I guess I'm selfish, cuz I don't wanna let him go.

[breezie]

I recently told my bf about it. I don't think he realized how serious it is cuz he kinda changed the subject pretty quickly lol. I think the most important thing is that he knows I have a problem so if somebody does v* and he is around, he won't be suprised by my reaction.

[emetshelp]

The day I knew I wanted to marry my bf. I was visiting him (we were doing the long distance thing for a while) in LA and we were driving down the street. Apparently there was a guy V* on the side of the street so he just said "hey look over here at the blah". I looked and it was just a building...after we passed the guy he told me what happened. I have been swooning ever since. I told him right away about my disease and he was the first bf I told. Now, 5 years later, we are living together. He told me that he rarely gets sick but since we have lived together (over 2 years) he has gotten sick 5-10 times. He tells me to leave the house or turn the TV up..."dont come in here"...There have been times when I have walked out of the house in 30 degree weather wearing pj's bc I freak out. (I can't be around people who are N* and I hate it myself). The only time he gets frustrated with me is when we are watching a show and I have him mute it bc I think someone is going to V*. He gets angry bc he misses the dialogue.

When we first started dating I just told him outright. This is me, it's like a fear of flying or of spiders or whatever your biggest fear is. He understood.

[shiva]

Mine tries, but gets frustrated because he doesn't know how to help me.

[susie_q]

My husband is not supportive. He knows about my fear but doesn't know how bad it is. He just laughts at me or rolls his eyes when I get afraid when somebody is sick. He made of fun of me, when my daughter was sick and I wore gloves to clean up after her. But, I told him that neither one of us got sick and I know it's because I practiced good cleaning and handwashing skills. And, he never once helped me when she v* so many times. He just stayed downstairs the whole time. But, he is good to me in so many other ways, he just doesn't understand.

[penny77]

My boyfriend knows EVERYTHING. He says I talk too
much....lol! He is very supportive of me. I know he gets
frustrated because I'm not like the "other girls". I don't get
out much and recently lost my job. But we have been together 4
years, so I don't think he is going anywhere. I bug him about
washing his hands at work and before we eat. I have horrible
panic attacks when I feel n*, and they usually happen at 4 in the
morning. Of course he wakes up because I pace and cry. Some
nights he gets up and hugs me. Other nights I can tell he just
wants to sleep. Especially when he has to get up at 7! But
he has never made fun of me or put me down. I guess I have a good
one![img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]