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  1. #1
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    i am torn over it.

    sometimes i think this place isnt beneficial.
    i dont think its promoted wellness in my life..
    my mom thinks i feel WORSE after reading all the posts.
    and i dont think i've ever walkd away from this site feeling any better about anything. just maybe a temporary relief after someone saying "oh ive had that. its nothing".. but yet you still come back in a week with something new.

    it seems to be good for newbies who feel less insane for being scared of a bodily function. but otherwise.. all you do is hear about people being ill! all you do is hear about sv outbreaks in towns, or "do i have this? agh!"

    othertimes its such a relief to hear posters reply to you with kind consoling words when you ate a sandwich that didnt agree with you, or when you freaked out after being around someone ill.

    i just dont know.
    im torn as to whether i should force myself to stop coming here.
    it really has seemed to become a habit.

    if by chance you know of anyone who has left the boards
    ... what was the outcome?
    did they feel entirely better?

  2. #2
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    i totaly agree with you. sometimes i feel worse after reading the posts but yet i cant stop myself from doing so.

  3. #3
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    As much as its true that you do get some more anxiety from certian threads.

    But look at it this way, whether you hear about someone feeling n* or someone in there family v* or even that theres an sv about 100miles from you in your state, Where would you rather come for support?

    I know I feel a little bit pannicy but when I talk to from friends on here and help other people that are going through the same thing as you everyday I get even a really small bit of hope and fullfillment for helping someone and hoping that they get better..

    As much as its bad theres no where id rather be than in this forum surounded by fellow emets helping each other through it

    xVx


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  4. #4
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    one word. totally.


    I see how some people say this great for support, and it is, in one sence, but I think it all depends on what your definition of "support" is.


    my deffinition of support, is having people who are going the through the same thing as you, and help guide you into the steps needed to overcome your problem. for example, someone in an AA meeting may need support to get to their next step of not drinking alcohol. for an emet, it may be help in to stopping the aviodance pattern, which I wish happened more often here.
    ~*Jill*~ Teacher, Advanced BSc in Psychology

    "You can unlock any door as long as you have the right key". Mrs. Brisby, Secret of Nimh

  5. #5
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    I love to see and would love to see more posts that say "ok you may V* right now but you CAN get through this and survive" etc you know? I mean if someone gave me that advice I';d just like to know i could get through if I had to. I think that we all seek a little reassurance from time to time and feel relieved when we get it, but that pattern wont always work and we need to be more ...pro active about the fight against this.
    Be courageous, believe in yourself, and be the best woman you can be. I'm with you all the way.

  6. #6
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    the thing is.. we've all gotten through it.
    we've all v*'d.. it wasnt like flying kites and riding bikes fun, but it happened.

    chances are the majority of you out there havent v*'d in years and years..
    yet you treat each day as "oh gosh today is the day!"..
    how can people LIVE that way!
    and im speaking from personal experience myself!
    its no way to live.
    something needs to change.
    and i dont see how posts saying "oh there are sv's every month. nothing is safe!" is going to help ANYONE.
    nor do i see how reading about them daily.. helps.

    i think the best thing for most of us.. would be to treat each day as if it were going to be a FABULOUS day. do your best to keep your body healthy, and your children healthy, wash your hands just the same.. but dont ASSUME that each pain and nudge and diarrhea episode, or nausea episode. means you have some HORRID sickness that will never end. i dont know.

    im still searching for the "HELP" from this phobia.
    and the majority of the posts here dont help anything long term.


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    I totally see what Babydoll is saying- to me support isn't saying that it's okay to avoid certain places, people, or things because of this phobia- to me that is just enabling as opposed to supporting.


    I think that at times people have a hard time with the notion of supporting the person, not the behaviour. No one here is a bad person- but sometimes we make bad decisions which can be hurtful to others yet beneficial to us in terms of this phobia. When this occurs, I really don't think the response should be "it's okay that you did this- I would do it to"- because even though it may make the person feel better in the short term, what about next time? Where is the incentivefor progress/improvement? Personally, I would rather see more of " I'm sorry you found yourself in that situation, but no, it wasNOT okay that you did that. However, the next time around you CAN make a better decision".


    I'm also in total agreement with Hippychick- I too would like to see more proactiveness instead of complacency. I know that there are people with varying degrees of this phobia- but isn't there a little room for everyone to improve? Even if you consider yourself severe, by saying that I don't think you should automatically not consider certain options, or take offence when someone suggest something that you may find a bit scary. I'm not saying that you should throw yourself in the middle of an extreme situation, as indeed that would be of no benefit, but a bit of empowerment I think can go a long way.


    *amber*

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    I've long held a theory that there are 2 types of emet, the ones who are fighting the nausea, nausea is the enemy, all energy into that (which is who i was for a LONG time) and the ones fighting the anxiety behind it. Ok I know we're all fighting emet don't get me wrong or think I am saying some people dont want rid of it, just sometimes our energies get misplaced and caught up in the anxiety of it all. Like I've said before everyone is at a different stage and some are more open to what people have to say than others, it's about knowing how much each person can take, and thats not always easy in an online situation.
    Be courageous, believe in yourself, and be the best woman you can be. I'm with you all the way.

  9. #9
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    Hmmm...do yo uthink that means that some people are afraid of th eactual act, and others are afriad of the anxiety that comes with the act? Or do you think we are all in th esame boat but deal differently?

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    I know exactly what you are saying Liz. My significant other has asked me a few times not to join these groups. But I make friends and I know what its like to need support when you're having a bad time. But then I read posts about people dealing with sv or have been near someone with it or read about it and tell us about it it makes me quite anxious to. But I try not to get too anxious anymore and go on with things, but I understand where you are coming from. Kim

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    Liz hon I think you need to step back for awhile. Just get away from the posts for a week or so. Maybe that will help. This is a group where 98% of the conversations are about emet and emet-related things. I use to be in other groups where emet was at like 30% and the rest was discussion about anything or everything. But if someone was having a hard time with emet they were therewith 100% support. Maybe you shoud try one of these groups. There are many good ones on yahoo groups that the conversation isnt strictly about emet. You need to join and feel them out and find the one you feel comfortable with. Kim

  12. #12
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    I love to see and would love to see more posts that say "ok you may V* right now but you CAN get through this and survive


    This is OK for you to say because you seem to be cured of this but many arent I dont think its OK to tell someone of just do it. Im sorry. Kim

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    chances are the majority of you out there havent v*'d in years and years..
    yet you treat each day as "oh gosh today is the day!"..
    how can people LIVE that way!



    I do...everyday since I started joining these groups 10 years ago. Kim

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    but dont ASSUME that each pain and nudge and diarrhea episode, or nausea episode. means you have some HORRID sickness that will never end. i dont know.



    I agree. There are an abundance of things that can cause pains, gas, bloating, d, n so many things out there but everyone immediately thinks they have IT. Food poisoning and sv's are so much alike you wont know what it is until you get your stool tested thats the only way to tell. Kim

  15. #15
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    liz28 and others,


    I've been thinking very hard for the last few days about an issue that I believe to be related to the topic in this post. As such, I am going to add it to this thread.


    My thoughts were spurred by the thread about the clinics inside the grocery store, and one poster who wrote that disagreement is difficult to hear for people with extreme forms of the phobia because it feels like someone is telling you that you're weird for thinking the way you do. The thought expressed was that you can get disagreement about anxious thoughts and phobic thoughts from non-emets, so when you come here, you want to hear agreement: "Oh, yes, I think that way too," or "It's o.k. We all think that too."


    Now, I can understand that people with emet feel a lot of shame for having the phobia. So, coming to this forum is the first time that one can say, "Oh, I'm not weird. I don't need to be ashamed. There are others like me." Therefore, I think that the forum has a normalizing function in some sense. By that I mean, that people can come here, find others with the phobia, and hear that they're not the only ones who think a certain way.The result in some sense is that people can come here and feel "normal," which is a comforting feeling after all of this shame we have felt when we thought it was so abnormal, and that we were the only ones with the phobia.


    Now, the danger of the normalizing function is that we create our own insular little community here with its emet norms and where it's always fine and o.k. if you are thinking or feeling a certain phobic, anxious, and yes, unhealthy way or doing unhealthy things to yourself. Some people may only be here to alleviate the shame they feel and to get reinforcement that the way they think isn't strange. The worst part about this is that they may be the ones with the most intense and serious form of the phobia who are least likely to be able to see a way out of it.


    I'veconsidered that what I have decided to call the normalizing function of the forum has the good aspect of reducing shame but the negative one sometimes seems to outweigh the good because I don't think that it is allright just to create our own little world in which we consider the non-phobic world to be wrong, and we're right. And sometimes I read posts that in my opinion get dangerously close to that line.


    I think that again, what I am naming the normalizing function of the forum contributes to why disagreement is so frowned upon on this board and causes so many hurt feelings and problems. I've never been to another forum in which people got so touchy when disagreement occurred. And I think that it is related to wanting to create this little safe place where it is o.k. to be emetophobic and no matter how irrational we're thinking or feeling that's o.k. too.


    But again, that's a problem because it means that we just stay stuck in the phobia and don't get better and let it limit our lives. The ideal thing would be to say, "there are others like me. I don't need to be ashamed. A phobia is not anything to be ashamed of," and then proceed to working on getting better without needing to be told over and over again that you're not crazy, you're not weird etc. etc. and without having to have your fear of sickness validated over and over again.


    Edited by: japa

  16. #16
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    Hey Japa,

    I am the person who posted that comment on the clinic in the grocery post. I really want to thank you for your comments. What you are saying makes a huge amount of sense and has really made me think. I can see how giving positive reinforcement in some situtaions can be harmful to the person involved. I can see that we cannot move forward with this phobia unless we do hear some truth..

    And Amber, your comments here----

    I think that at times people have a hard time with the notion of supporting the person, not the behaviour. No one here is a bad person- but sometimes we make bad decisions which can be hurtful to others yet beneficial to us in terms of this phobia. When this occurs, I really don't think the response should be "it's okay that you did this- I would do it to"- because even though it may make the person feel better in the short term, what about next time? Where is the incentive for progress/improvement? Personally, I would rather see more of " I'm sorry you found yourself in that situation, but no, it was NOT okay that you did that. However, the next time around you CAN make a better decision".


    These really hit home too.. I have been that person who said "I would do it too" but I can see how wrong that was. It didnt help either one of us in the long run and we didnt learn anything.


    Thank you, thank you for this post. My head is just swimming now, and I have to go think about it. We are really lucky to have you guys around. I think this is the start of turning this horrible thing around for me.


    --Kim



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    My mom thinks that it's making me worse, but I feel that I'm so much better than I was almost two years ago. I mean I'm still terrified but I can go without it dominating my mind. I like the site because when I am feeling bad, I can just open it in my browser and leave it open. :3 Makes me feel closer and not so alone. ^^;;
    <font color=PINK><center>Believe in Yourself</center></font>

  18. #18
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    I am by no means cured, just the other day I asked for support with feeling ill and dealing with it, the cold hard truth is that we may V* at some point and I personally would like all the support I can get for that, and carolee what I meant is, we're all emet, but people are at different stages with what they are battling. Some are just trying hard not to V* everyday
    Be courageous, believe in yourself, and be the best woman you can be. I'm with you all the way.

  19. #19
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    This illness, it's not normal and it's not ok, it's not right to run my life based on when I might v* and when I have V* and what I eat and every little thing. But I crave a sense of reassurance and normalcy that it's nice to come here and not be called a freak and be told that it's ok. Which yes, it is ok to have bad emet days in the fight against it, but it is not ok for me to adjust to this and have this become my normal life.


    like someone said, support the person not the action, examine how things could be done differently, talk about what was right or wrong in your actions, but don't take offence when someone challenges your thinking. On that same note though people who are challenging should try to be sensitive about it and accept that not everyone is going to hear what you have to say. I'm actually re-thinking myself. I've pushed myself a hell of a lot lately but I'm not sure I've pushed enough, stepped enough out of my comfort zone.


    This post has made me think a lot
    Be courageous, believe in yourself, and be the best woman you can be. I'm with you all the way.

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    Hi tink,


    It was you who made me start thinking about this (even though I couldn't remember exactly who made the post) because I know how it feels to be ashamed, and I have been ashamed about this phobia too, along with some other things about myself. It has helped to know that other people have this phobia, and I really don't feel shame anymore about it. I will tell people that I have it and be open about it.


    Well, it's good that a lot of us are considering important issues. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]





    Quote Originally Posted by tink
    Hey Japa,

    I am the person who posted that comment on the clinic in the grocery post. I really want to thank you for your comments. What you are saying makes a huge amount of sense and has really made me think. I can see how giving positive reinforcement in some situtaions can be harmful to the person involved. I can see that we cannot move forward with this phobia unless we do hear some truth..

    And Amber, your comments here----

    I think that at times people have a hard time with the notion of supporting the person, not the behaviour. No one here is a bad person- but sometimes we make bad decisions which can be hurtful to others yet beneficial to us in terms of this phobia. When this occurs, I really don't think the response should be "it's okay that you did this- I would do it to"- because even though it may make the person feel better in the short term, what about next time? Where is the incentive for progress/improvement? Personally, I would rather see more of " I'm sorry you found yourself in that situation, but no, it was NOT okay that you did that. However, the next time around you CAN make a better decision".


    These really hit home too.. I have been that person who said "I would do it too" but I can see how wrong that was. It didnt help either one of us in the long run and we didnt learn anything.


    Thank you, thank you for this post. My head is just swimming now, and I have to go think about it. We are really lucky to have you guys around. I think this is the start of turning this horrible thing around for me.


    --Kim


  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by tink
    Hey Japa,

    I am the person who posted that comment on the clinic in the grocery post. I really want to thank you for your comments. What you are saying makes a huge amount of sense and has really made me think. I can see how giving positive reinforcement in some situtaions can be harmful to the person involved. I can see that we cannot move forward with this phobia unless we do hear some truth..

    And Amber, your comments here----

    I think that at times people have a hard time with the notion of supporting the person, not the behaviour. No one here is a bad person- but sometimes we make bad decisions which can be hurtful to others yet beneficial to us in terms of this phobia. When this occurs, I really don't think the response should be "it's okay that you did this- I would do it to"- because even though it may make the person feel better in the short term, what about next time? Where is the incentive for progress/improvement? Personally, I would rather see more of " I'm sorry you found yourself in that situation, but no, it was NOT okay that you did that. However, the next time around you CAN make a better decision".


    These really hit home too.. I have been that person who said "I would do it too" but I can see how wrong that was. It didnt help either one of us in the long run and we didnt learn anything.


    Thank you, thank you for this post. My head is just swimming now, and I have to go think about it. We are really lucky to have you guys around. I think this is the start of turning this horrible thing around for me.


    --Kim


    Hi Kim-


    Thank you for your post- and similar to Japa, your original post on this subject matter is also what started me thinking about this.


    What about instead of saying "I would have done the same thing"- which condones the behaviour, saying "I would have FELT the same way if in this situation". That indicated that you can emphasize with how they felt, and that they AREN'T alone becausethere are people here who understand exactly what they are going through.That, and maybe suggestions or reasons can be made to avoid acting similarly if faced with this situation again?


    I think what you mentioned originally, that you come here to feel accepted and 'normal' is really a positive- and if this can be harnessed and formed into something more conducive to empowermentandprogress, great, GREAT things can happen.


    *amber*

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  22. #22
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    &lt;&lt;&lt;This illness, it's not normal and it's not ok, it's not right to run my life based on when I might v* and when I have V* and what I eat and every little thing. But I crave a sense of reassurance and normalcy that it's nice to come here and not be called a freak and be told that it's ok. Which yes, it is ok to have bad emet days in the fight against it, but it is not ok for me to adjust to this and have this become my normal life. &gt;&gt;&gt;


    This is very true (in my humble opinion of course). Yes, feeling that you are not alone and beig able to interact with people who have the exact same problems as you do is a great asset. BUT,I think that once this phobia becomes normalized (as Japa mentioned), where is the incentive to beat it? I think that at times there is a harmful by-product of having other people know where you are coming from and mentioning that they would act similarly- that the behaviour becomes acceptable, which in many cases it should not be.


    I agree- I don't think ANYONE should view their emet as part of their 'normal' lives, especially if it causes them a great deal of distress.


    *amber*

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  23. #23
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    I am on the fence about whether this site helps me or hurts me too.
    Some of the things that bother me now, I NEVER even thought of until I
    read them on this site and now think about them. I don't think I am on
    the same level of emet as some of the people here and in a selfish way it
    makes me feel almost thankful that I am not at that degree. But then I
    feel bad because I know that could of been me. I live my life basically
    normally with just emet "thoughts" in my head but am able to "turn them
    off" and do everything anyway. But the more I read about "dangers" here,
    the more it seems to fuel my thoughts. But if you bring sv* in my house,
    my emet hits the roof so I am not completely normal by any means.
    When my daughter brought it home 2 weeks ago, I refused to eat for 2
    days knowing I would get it (I did, but that is NOT normal thinking, but it
    did save me from v* when every one else who came in contact with her
    did v* but me.) So I understand this post completely. But, it is so nice to
    have support when you need it- and to give support.

  24. #24
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    I see both pro's and con's by visiting a site like this, just like I see a similar relationship to other boards I visit frequently (including ones for eating disorders). They can be helpful and a hinder, depending on how you choose to use the board.


    Sometimes, this board triggers me beyond description - yet other times, I find it to be the most comforting place to be on earth. Just knowing that other people relate is very helpful to me sometimes, but sometimes this site is very triggering and makes me even more parinoid.


    Just because this site is out there doesn't mean I have to visit it. I have to take responsiblity for what I see and what I read and what I engage in online.
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    I guess my view on this post is that if this site is fueling anything, it's the WRONG thing. At times, this board fuels both fear and complacency. I agree with Japa that this board serves an important purpose in making us feel normal, and reassuring us that we are not the only ones with this phobia. But I can also see how some of the posts may trigger people, because it has definitely happened to me in the past.


    What this board SHOULD be fueling is treatment, and the determination to get rid of this. More and more, as I'm working through my treatment, I notice that so many people on this board are not working toward getting treatment, and I don't understand why. It can be done, Sage is living proof of that. We all know how to go about getting treatment, Sage has postedlots of great tips on finding a therapist and doing exposure therapy. Now I definitely understand that there is a problem finding people who can understand and competently treat this phobia, but I don't think that means we should stop looking all together and just assume the rest of our lives are going to be accompanied by the fear of vomit.


    I guess what I'm saying is that I would like to see a different common thread running through this board - the topic of treatment and the determination to beat this thing if it's the last thing we ever do. I would like to hear from more people that are looking for treatment and are in treatment. Can you imagine what would happen if each member of IES went and started getting therapy for this? Assuming everyone had a different therapist, that would mean that over 4000 different therapists would be educated about this phobia, and can help all the others out there who have this but don't post on the board. I know that we've all talked about how difficult it is to find someone to understand, and how this phobia is pretty rare. If we all went out and got treatment, thereby educating our treaters about the disorder, that will make it that much easier for the next emetophobe who needs to be treated.


    I just want everyone to get better and be happy! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img] I hope I haven't offended anyone.
    Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom. - Marilyn Ferguson

    Habituation always defeats fear. - Edmund Bourne


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    It depends on where a person is with their emet. I think everyone can benefit or not benefit from the boards, depending on where they are in their phobia and what is going on in their lives. I don't believe its a static thing.


    Stella

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    What you've said here is beautiful.


    It is interesting that you felt like you wanted to apologize in case what you've said about treatment isn't well taken by someone. I hope that's not the case though (that someone can be offended by mentioning of focusing on treatment).





    Quote Originally Posted by kel12347


    I guess my view on this post is that if this site is fueling anything, it's the WRONG thing. At times, this board fuels both fear and complacency. I agree with Japa that this board serves an important purpose in making us feel normal, and reassuring us that we are not the only ones with this phobia. But I can also see how some of the posts may trigger people, because it has definitely happened to me in the past.


    What this board SHOULD be fueling is treatment, and the determination to get rid of this. More and more, as I'm working through my treatment, I notice that so many people on this board are not working toward getting treatment, and I don't understand why. It can be done, Sage is living proof of that. We all know how to go about getting treatment, Sage has postedlots of great tips on finding a therapist and doing exposure therapy. Now I definitely understand that there is a problem finding people who can understand and competently treat this phobia, but I don't think that means we should stop looking all together and just assume the rest of our lives are going to be accompanied by the fear of vomit.


    I guess what I'm saying is that I would like to see a different common thread running through this board - the topic of treatment and the determination to beat this thing if it's the last thing we ever do. I would like to hear from more people that are looking for treatment and are in treatment. Can you imagine what would happen if each member of IES went and started getting therapy for this? Assuming everyone had a different therapist, that would mean that over 4000 different therapists would be educated about this phobia, and can help all the others out there who have this but don't post on the board. I know that we've all talked about how difficult it is to find someone to understand, and how this phobia is pretty rare. If we all went out and got treatment, thereby educating our treaters about the disorder, that will make it that much easier for the next emetophobe who needs to be treated.


    I just want everyone to get better and be happy! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img] I hope I haven't offended anyone.

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    Aww, thanks Japa! I just don't want anyone to feel hurt if they are not focusing on treatment. I definitely still want this board to be a support for everyone (e.g., Hubby is sick, need reassurance, etc), but I've noticed that once I've gotten further into treatment, I'm less likely to post about this issues, because I use my therapist and my therapy techniques to work through them. I just want us to be able to focus on getting better, I think that people will feel empowered once they enter therapy and start to learn for themselves that it CAN be done.
    Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom. - Marilyn Ferguson

    Habituation always defeats fear. - Edmund Bourne


  29. #29
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    1,061

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    I have very mixed feelings about this site. I did leave it alone some time back as it definitely made my emet worse. I was in blissful ignorance of the sv sweeping its way across the UK until I read about it on the site, and then I became like a v* tracking device! And yes, it reached my town, and yes my kids got it, but was I better off knowing it was around in the first place? No! I spent weeks in a panic, it didn't help me at all and didn't prevent me having to deal with it.


    On the plus side, I have made some great new friends and when I've needed support, you have all been there for me with kind words and a huge amount of empathy. All this is immeasurable.


    I guess my real concerns come not from the support aspect, but like others have touched on here, the inadvertent scare-mongering and the acceptance of "unacceptable" behaviour. I know we all mean well but shouldn't we be doing everything we can to rid ourselves of this phobia? Tink and Crim makes good points in that we all know how it feels to be scared but we shouldn't condone emet-like behaviour.


    Believe me I can empathise with you all, I know how terrifying it is to send your kids to school when there's a sv going round, to not eat for a week when the kids have been ill, to dread my kids' footsteps outside my bedroom door in the middle of the night. I know what it's like to feel the need to wash my hands after usinga shopping trolley, to worry about restaurant food, to avoid walk-in clinics at a grocery store. But do you know what? I don't want to feel like this, I want rid of it. I want to be like the majority of people, peoplewho don't carry plastic bags around with them, people who'll buy a kebab off the street trader without worrying about food-poisoning, people who go out in public andnot search for an exit route/toilet etc. I want to not sit and shake everytime my stomach feels a littlefunny.


    And how can this site help me do that? Well, by listening and understanding, but also by trying to help me think rationally about this irrational fear. Please don't tell me that my odd ways are OK, because they're not. Just tell me you understand butencourage me to take little steps forward, that wayI have a chance of beating this.


    I really hope I haven't offended anyone here, you have all helped meso much over the past few months. These are purely my own thoughts andfeelings.

  30. #30
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    817

    Default


    This post really did make me think, and I will be alot more careful when posting in the future. I really want to be a supportive and positive member to everyone. And I just now realized that I really want to get better myself. Thanks for helping me see that I was heading in the wrong direction. I really appreciate everyone here.

    --Kim


 

 

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