I hate being like this...

[hethmares]

Two weeks ago my little one ved violently in bed, even "getting me" in the process. I didn't know what to do I just sat there frozen...About an hour before he ved he woke up out of the blue crying uncontrollably for about 10 mins and then dozed off again. An hour later it became clear that he was probably crying like that because he was feeling ill. After my husband and I cleaned up the bed and the baby, I slept in the living room that night terrified that the babies illness would get everyone else sick and it would be a house of ving people god forbid. He stayed ill for the whole week but luckily only ved 1 more time. thank god no one else got it...For a whole week, I was scared to sleep next to my own child and I made my husband sleep next to him and care for him.I think about it and I feel so guilty and I hate that being an emet controls my life so much! Tonight @ about 3ammy little one woke up crying again out of the blue uncontrollably and I immediately went into emet panick mode telling my husband nervously this is how he criedbefore he ved a couple of weeks ago.


I got up and began my nervous walking around and picking up/cleaning, which I normally do when I have my emet panic attack. I've been up an hour and a half now and all appears to be okay in the room...I am just trying to sit out the 2 hour window to make sure he doesn't v before I go back to bed. My stomache hurts too now ofcourse and I am wrecked with guilt about running from my child. My husband is usually pretty good about my emet and just kicks in with taking care of the baby when I disappear. I was amazed that when the baby got sick a couple of weeks ago that I handled it as well as I did. But then again I kind of had no choice it happened so suddenly...in the moment, I didn't do so bad but after the fact then the good old emet habits kicked in and i stayed away/ran as usual...*sigh* It is now 5 am. I have to get up for work in about an hour and a half I guess I will go to bed and try to get back to sleep...God my stomache hurts!


What's sad is my husband wants another baby and at first I didn't want another but now I have been thinking about it...but then my emet comes into play and I realize that I am holding back because Ifear more children emensely because of their ving often. Sometimes I think the joy of being a parent far out weighs my fear since kids only get ving ill several times in their lives (usually) and I get through it sure with some major panick episodes but I do...I am just torn...


Those of you with kids out there how are you when your kids get sick? Do you completely shut down? Do you handle it and then shut down?Do you handle it but are a wreck through the entire thing as you are dealing with it? Do you handle it to a point but then your partner automatically steps in and takes over? All of the above that I listed applies to me, it's really weird. I'm just curious to know how the rest of you handle it.


Okay I better go to bed. I can't believe I have been up 2 hours panicking like a fool...gosh my stomache is killing me here! geeze!


Thanks for listening...


Heth 34


DH 30


DS Cylle 14 yrs


DS Seth 2 yrs

[marieb73]

I do not have children, but I can understand your fear. When I was younger, my little sister got a nasty sv and she was calling me, asking me to come to her. I was 15, she was 4. My mom was sitting with her, trying to comfort her, but she wanted her big sister and I just could not do it. I holed up in my room, didn't leave for 2 days except to use the restroom (Lysol-ing everything before I touched it). Both my parents ended up with sv, and I remember feeling like a jerk because I was proud that I didn't get it. I also felt like a jerk because my sister was crying for me and I wouldn't go to her. Just talking about it now, I fell like a jerk all over again.

The coldness of heart that I feel when someone is sick aournd me troubles me the most about my emetophobia. People at work think I am thids really compassionate person. "You'll make the best mom" they say, because I am always quizzing people that even look slightly off. But it;s not concern for them that is driving me - it's like a form of self-preservation.

I am afraid to have kids, not because I am afraid of morning sickness (well....a little I guess), but because I am afraid of doing what I know what I will do - run when they need me because they are sick.

That's why we need to kick this emetophobia.

[marby]

Heth -


First of all, you are NOT a bad parent. I understand completely and also 'run' when my son is sick. My husband, thank goodness, just takes over and handles it. Some of us handle it better than others. I know all of the emets on this board who are parents love their kids just as much as any other parent. This is just a very small aspect (in the big picture of life) that is hard to handle sometimes. If you take all the time(s) your kids are sick compared to the time(s) they are not - it's really NOT alot. The positive aspects of having a child FAR outweigh the few moments in time when you can't handle an illness. It sounds like your partner is very understanding of the emet issue and is willing and able to take charge when need be. Please don't deprive yourself of another child because of the emet. My emet is as bad now as it's ever been - but my son is truly the light of my life and my life would just not be as good without him.


Hope you got some much needed rest and that your son is feeling better.

[kate1966]

You are not a bad parent first of all...you simply have a bad phobia of v....and there is nothing we can do about it. I have an almost 16 yr old and a 12 yr old. I went through the same thing with v when mine were younger. I used to get so scared and have panic attacks and really couldn't be there for them like i should when they were sick. I managed though. It was hard as hell but i did it, for them...and you can too...I promise....I would actually stand there with mine while they were v....and i would hold a towel over my face while they were doing it so i would not have to smell it or the germs would not go in my face in any way. It was hard...but i knew that's where i needed to be, with them. They needed me, and in spite of my fears i just knew i had to be there for them. It always seemed to happen during the night and my husband worked the night shift for almost 15 yrs so i had no choice...i had to do it in spite of my phobia...but somehow i did it and got through...and i really don't remember catching it but one time and i did not v...only had D.....but what i am trying to say is that you can do this too It might not be fun, but as a mom, you know your baby needs you. And you would do anything for you child I know it's harder for some, but i promise, if i can do it, so can you. It gets easier as they get older, but i still think about it alot and what i would do next time it happens. They haven't been sick like that in so long that i don't know how i would react now. But the important thing for you to remember is that you are not bad...not weird, just a mom with a fear.....good luck to you and please don't feel bad[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[eah4me]

Hi. I am new to this site and my heart just went out to you when I read your post. I feel the exact same way. I LOVE being a mom and absolutely love having a baby to care for. All the sleepless nights, diaper changes and such that people complain about I love. A huge part of me wants another baby, and I feel so lame because the only thing holding me back is the fear of having another child to worry about v with. My dh is great but I am home by myself most of the time so there is always a good chance if one of them gets sick, I will be here alone to deal with it. That terrifies me. Just this morning my 4 year old woke up not feeling well. I called my mom to come help out but she didn't get here in time. Even though it was very shortlived and 2 hours later she was asking for pancakes (he, he) I spent the entire time pacing the house, holding my 16 month old afraid to let her get too close. I am afraid to stay with my dd when she is sick for fear of v, but I can't just leave her alone either. It is a suffocating feeling.


I totally relate to your fear of anything that in the past "signaled" impending V. I do the same thing. One time my oldest gotcarsick and just before she did she started whining. Ever since then if we are driving somewhere and one of the girls starts to whine my heart just skips and I panic because I think they are about to get sick. I'm really hoping there is help for this out there. Sorry I have no advice for you. I just understand how you feel.

[hethmares]

Thanks for all the great responses really made me feel better. This can be just so tough to deal with sometimes as I know you all know...My little one is feeling better back to his normal climbing the walls self lol


I was thinking the other day just as someone said in an above post your kids get v sick several times in their childhood usually, so while it is tough to deal with when it does happen with your kidsit is short lived, where the joy of a child is forever--unless that is if you have a motion sickness prone child then it's a different story!


That is one of emet linked biggest fears having a motion sickness prone child, I think I would never get in a car or fly until they were 18 years old! In fact one of my biggest fears is one of my kids ving in public and people just staring at us and me frozen in shock. I've hadmy kids v a couple times in the car but that to me is safe...I can "hide" what happened know what I mean whereas in public if it happens there is no where to hide andkids sometimes don't give you much warning either.


Just curious, anyone else carry anti-emetics with them all the time for themselves and kids anytime they go anywhere? I carry alkaseltzer, pepto and emertol with me all the time to nip it in the bud at the mere mention of mom my stomache hurts. That just seems sooooo messed up to fear traveling with your kids and travel in general because of having that deep of a fear of someone ving especially your kids or spouse...ugh


The other day, I was thinking back and realized that I have a family full of motion sickness prone folks--my mom, my grandmother(severely whenever we went anywhere she ALWAYS got carsick even if it was only a 15 min drive!), my cousins...I was surrounded by motion sickness and I realize that most of my memories are of taking car/plane/even field trips withschool/summer camp etc someone always ended up ving. I would swear I was being punished because it never failed anytime I got in a mode of trasportation it happened...I would link that as the orgin of my fear of ving but nope it goes back to when I was like3 years old, I can remember that far back being afraid of people ving. I wish I could figure out at what stage in my life it was triggered so I can get over this and live a normal life instead of living in fear all the time, I'm tired of this running my life. I talked to my therapist(who I just started going to for other reasons) and told her I was an emet and asked if she knew anyone who dealt with phobias/anxiety issues that I could go to. She said she handles anxiety and phobia disorders too so I'll see if maybe she can help me...I only go to her a couple times a month though so we'll see how it goes...


Well I have babbled enough! Thanks for listening!


Hope everyone is well and thanks again for all the sweet responses


Heth


P.S. It is looking favorable that DH and I will try for baby #3 sometime this coming fall...I am still terrified though but deep down I know I do want just one more baby and I am just going to deal with my fear(s) day by day and just dive in head first...sometimes you have to fight to live and not live to fight...