Doing something about it!

[HDogg]

For years now, I keep saying, "If I change this, or change that, I will get better." Well, nothing has ever worked so far. I've gone weeks at a time sticking to a healthy diet, not drinking any alcohol, cutting back on caffeine and cigarettes. I've tried reading the Bible every night, praying, and going to church. I've begged on my knees for God to get rid of this. But I've been stuck in the same rut for 4 years now.


Last night, I was talking to my husband about how I keep saying that I'll change, but end up right back to where I started. It's a never-ending battle. Even if I try to focus on just ONE thing, and not try to do it all, I still fail (i.e. my drinking.) He said, "Well, don't focus on the big stuff right now. Just try to take baby steps. Pick something about yourself you want to change, that's small and won't take too much work." He said that if I focus on the little things first, I will gain self confidence to tackle the bigger stuff. For not having a degree in psychology, my hubby's a pretty smart guy!


I'm going to make a heirarchy of things that I need to change in my life, so that my ultimate goal--getting rid of emet--will be accomplished. I'll start out small, then work my way up the scale, changing thought patterns and behaviors. I'm tired of living life this way. If I'm ever going to get better, I have to DO something about it. [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[Galadriel]

Hey Heather!


Thats a good idea, start small and work up. Trying to tackle too big of things right off can set yourself up for failure. Thats very good thinking!

[izzybee]

Thats great. I'm glad that you are starting to get rid of this phobia. Rememebr that small steps are easier and more effective at getting rid of this. Good luck with eer ything!

[Jenneh]

go you Heather [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]


you'll get there with that way of thinking !!!!


it also helped me to write down, exactly what i was fighting/wanted to achieve and how i was gnna do it... so then i cud keep referring to it and stuff.


good luck


Jen xxxxxxx

[2jo2]

You just took the first step to accomplishment!!! Good for you.


I have been doing sort of the same thing the past about 2 years. I too, want to be healthy for when I turn 30 (in a few months!!![img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img]) and I've been seeing a therapist. We worked on big issues, like things in my childhood that I KNOW were holding me back as an adult. After these issues fall into place and get resolved, it's amazing how everything else falls into place too. The big key is to learn to really love yourself and take care of yourself, instead of putting other people's needs first all the time. You may think, well I love myself, but really, all kinds of destructive behavior mean that deep down there's some kind of issue that's going onand isa reason you're sabotaging all the good you're trying to do (that was what was wrong with me: be good to myself, lasts for like 6 months and then it's backward slide...)


But good for you!! I know you'll reach your goals.

[Galadriel]

Hey Heather!


Another idea, try having someone hold you accountable. This helps me I know. Its hard to do something with no other person kind of keeping you at it, and having someone to be accountable to is a good thing, or even having someone to do it with.

[Margaret]

Hi Heather,


I did the same some weeks ago! And I think it really really pays of!


What I did was: I read the chapter on setting goals in a book about relaxation. I ofcourse have the Dutch version, but I think this is the English one: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...1879237822/qid =1087977005/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/102-1321054-1233734?v=glance&a mp;s=books


The book is excellent!There are a lot of relaxation techniques in it, but also excersises to controll thoughts. And one chapter about making a plan of action. So I have been making one!
<DIV>They let you think about your values. What is important in your life? So this was mylist of the 5 most important values:</DIV>
<DIV>1. innerpeace</DIV>
<DIV>2. a good relationship with Daniel</DIV>
<DIV>3. sincerity/integrety</DIV>
<DIV>4. health</DIV>
<DIV>5. creativity and pleasure at work (or my own company)</DIV>
<DIV>(other examples of values they gave were family, financial security, beautiful house, friends, traveling, honesty, succesfull career, nature, spiritual, communication etc.)</DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>So from there they let me make goals on short, middle and long term. These are my goals:</DIV>
<DIV></DIV>
<DIV>Short term:</DIV>
<DIV>1. controll phobia and panic attacks</DIV>
<DIV>2. more healthy lifestyle</DIV>
<DIV>3. learn Swedish</DIV>
<DIV><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY:

[sage]

Cool, Margaret. Good to hear from you, btw.


Heather: remember you don't have to change everything forever or accomplish everything forever. You just have to live one day at a time. Make a simple list, if you can...and remember that you only have to follow it for ONE DAY. Tomorrow's another day and you can deal with it then.

[NCsmile6]

WOW Heather!! I also applaud you on your courage and motivation!!!! I'mSOOO impressed!!!I believe that through this attitude, you CAN AND WILL improve!!! I have also been trying totake it one day at a time, baby steps, and not jumping in too fast. I tend to do that a lot and go to extremes, thinking I can handle it all,taking leaps instead of baby steps,then hitting rock bottom again because I had too many BIG, unrealistic goals, and Itried changing things all at once.But, I think if we work on this slowly, withan action plan liketheoneMargaret was talking about, we can really do it!!


This book sounds great by the way!!!!


Please keep us updated on your progress!!! You can do it and we will be cheering you on all the way!!

[Misha]

Hey Heather! That is SOOOO great that you are taking action! I know how hard it is especially when you feel like you have failed so many times.


One good thing my husband always reminds me of is that I will have good days and bad days. And not to be hard on myself if everyday isn't exactly how I wanted it.It could be my mood, my hormones,how much sleep I got etc, whatever.....Then, if it's not a good day,accept it, forgive yourself and know that tomorrow is a new dayto begin again. This helps me when I get mad at myself and feel hopeless.


My advice is, baby steps are a great way to start, but if you have a setback....remember that every single second you have a choice. Let go of the last second if it was a mistake and look forward to your next choice. It's hard but you can do this. You sound focused and determined!!!! Go Heather!


xoxoxoxoxo


Misha

[HDogg]

Thanks you guys for the encouragement--it really means a lot to me.


I think that book sounds excellent. I do need to figure out what my goals are, but also live "one day at a time." I have to find the balance between being completely future-driven and obsessing about the future, and living recklessly, impulsively, and giving no thought to the future. I need to be somewhere in between--somewhere more healthy.


I also notice that when I'mtalking to my husband about these kinds of things, I always say, "I need to find the balance between..." It's like I'm obsessed with becoming "balanced." I just realized that recently. I'm always on one side of the spectrum or the other. I have a hard time being balanced. Maybe balanced is a better word to describe my goal, than being "normal." Because what is "normal" anyway? I have to find the meaning for myself. Maybe becoming more balanced is a better goal--instead of havingextreme thoughts and behaviors.


But anyway..."oneday at a time"can be applied to so many things in life, andnot just overcoming addictions. I hope by taking the small steps first, I won't be so overwhelmed and just give up quickly. I'm never going to get better unless I do something. No one ever got ahead by sitting on their behind!

[rachelle]

Hiya!


I'm really pleased that uv decided to fight this phobia! Thats the first step to beating it. All it takes is determination! I beat it once, 2 years ago, in order to get back to school and pass all of my exams. I was actually emet-free for about a year, but sadly its reared its ugly head again, and so im back to square one. I decided last week that i am ready to fight it again, and so, im trying my hardest. It is difficult, but its more than worth it in the end.


Good luck! Keep smiling, and take care!


Rachel xxx

[NCsmile6]

No one ever got ahead by sitting on their behind!

That is SOOOOOOOOOOO right, Heather, and I couldn't be prouder of you for being so determined!!! YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!! With this attitude and this determination, you sure as hell can't lose!!! GO HEATHER!!! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]


**Applauds**