Pumpkin, This is a good thing to talk about, though it is hard. I have thought about this a lot, too.
I was molested at around 4 years old, and I remember it vividly. It was another child, a few years older, in my home. I suspect another incident involving an an adult, but I don't know for sure what happened. I am starting to feel queasy just typing this.
I think for me, this incident(s) are related to my emet. Loss of control over my body in any way puts me into a panic. Having had two kids, I can say that I get panic attacks during labor, because this thing is happening to my body that is uncomfortable, and out of my control.
I also have a history of depression, probable OCD, and alcoholism in my family. I grew up in an alcoholic home, and that is scary, not being allowed to question or have it acknowledged that something is wrong. Being forced to censor my thoughts, and having my mom, who is supposed to keep me safe making it plain that I can't trust my own instincts, that they are wrong, is scary for a child. I still to this day am very secretive about my thoughts and feelings, though I don't even mean to. It's from years of habit. People find it hard to get to know me.
Well, I'll stop rambling, but I think you have something there, Pumpkin.