Well, feeling like S**T again.


I woke up to use the loo and I also have really bad heartburn. I don't feel s* though so that is a bonus. I was laying in bed trying to get back to sleep and I heard my 3 year old son crying. Well, that was that. The last time he woke up crying he was s* everywhere. So, then he came into our room and got into our bed as he does every night. He hiccuped. That was enough for me. I got straight out of bed and now I am downstairs. Can't handle that. I am shaking and so scared that he feels s*. My rational mind is telling me that he could have had a nightmare. He leaves his dummy in our room now for when he comes through so that he doesn't actually go to bed with it. He could have been crying because he didn't have that. My rational mind unfortunately isn't my strongest mind. Usually I sleep in my sons bed when he comes through but because I heard him cry I now have to sleep down here.


I am having CBT and it isn't working!!! I spoke to my therapist yesterday to book another appointment. She had a quick chat with me and asked to think about what frightens me about my kids being s*. Well, I have already had 15 sessions with her and we still don't know. I am only allowed another 5 sessions so if we don't know now why I am so scared then I don't hold much hope in finding out why and treating it in 5 sessions. She was giving me examples like "Maybe you feel you are a danger to your children" WHAT ?????? Where does she get this CRAP from? Once she asked me to ask my other half to make him self V* so he could record the sound for me!!!!! CRAP CRAP CRAP.


Tomorrow is Friday. If you know anything about me you know that I am on my own on Friday and Saturday nights as my other half works nights so my 14 year old niece has to come over and stay the night in case my kids are ill. Call myself a mother? I am so tired of this bloody phobia. I hate it. It is ruining my life.


Well, that's me finished with my ranting.


Hope you are all way and staying v* free !!!


Love to you all


Karen