Will I never get over this ????

[pookey30]

Well, feeling like S**T again.


I woke up to use the loo and I also have really bad heartburn. I don't feel s* though so that is a bonus. I was laying in bed trying to get back to sleep and I heard my 3 year old son crying. Well, that was that. The last time he woke up crying he was s* everywhere. So, then he came into our room and got into our bed as he does every night. He hiccuped. That was enough for me. I got straight out of bed and now I am downstairs. Can't handle that. I am shaking and so scared that he feels s*. My rational mind is telling me that he could have had a nightmare. He leaves his dummy in our room now for when he comes through so that he doesn't actually go to bed with it. He could have been crying because he didn't have that. My rational mind unfortunately isn't my strongest mind. Usually I sleep in my sons bed when he comes through but because I heard him cry I now have to sleep down here.


I am having CBT and it isn't working!!! I spoke to my therapist yesterday to book another appointment. She had a quick chat with me and asked to think about what frightens me about my kids being s*. Well, I have already had 15 sessions with her and we still don't know. I am only allowed another 5 sessions so if we don't know now why I am so scared then I don't hold much hope in finding out why and treating it in 5 sessions. She was giving me examples like "Maybe you feel you are a danger to your children" WHAT ?????? Where does she get this CRAP from? Once she asked me to ask my other half to make him self V* so he could record the sound for me!!!!! CRAP CRAP CRAP.


Tomorrow is Friday. If you know anything about me you know that I am on my own on Friday and Saturday nights as my other half works nights so my 14 year old niece has to come over and stay the night in case my kids are ill. Call myself a mother? I am so tired of this bloody phobia. I hate it. It is ruining my life.


Well, that's me finished with my ranting.


Hope you are all way and staying v* free !!!


Love to you all


Karen

[lgood22573]

That is really sad about your niece having to stay because you are afraid
to be alone with your children (I can completely relate though) BUT you
are taking a big step by getting help. I hope you can get some results
with your CBT. I just started my first session last week.

[surfjunkie]

I was just like you last week! If I even hear my kids move around in their
beds, I am wide-eyed and panicking! I can't tell you how many nights I
have slept on the couch, thinking that if I'm not upstairs, I won't be the
first one to have to deal with it if they do get sick. My daughter has really
bad allergies and coughs frequently during the night. That is enough to
put me into a full blown panic attack. My logical mid tells me that of the
many, many times she has coughed in the middle of the night, she has
only every v* maybe twice. So why is it so hard to deal with? I can't stand
it! I am a wreck, too, when my firefighter husband is on a call in the
middle of the night. Night time is the worst for me. I can totally relate to
how you are feeling! Best of luck and keep us posted the next few days
that you are on your own! We are here for you!!!!

[crimgoddess]

The thing with CBT is that you won't see results right away, especially not after 15 sessions. It is a long process, and from what I have heard described by others you know it is working when you are in a stressfull situation, and you realize that you handled it SO much better than you had before, and that you have actually improved A LOT. It takes time to undo all the mental processes which have enabled you to get this way- it's not like a medical procedure where in a short while, BAM you're cured.


Does your therapy have to end after 20 sessions? Can you not seek help elsewhere? Also, if you are not comforable with this therapist, you arent obligated to stay with her- some people just don't 'click', and at times it may be wise to part ways.


Good luck!


*amber*Edited by: crimgoddess

[pookey30]

Amber,


Actually I have already made phone calls to get therapy with someone else but she said I have to finish the 20 sessions with my current therapist first. Total waste of time as I have to get my sister in law to have my daughter and can only go when my son is at nursery. Also it is nearly an hour drive away too. The sooner I can get another therapist the better.


I have also joined the National Phobic Society. I am going to arrange some hypnotherapy through them.


Thanks for all your help everyone. I am in a bit of a panic about the weekend. This morning my son is just sitting on the sofa. Normally he asks for breakfast as soon as he gets up or he is in the cupboards looking for sweets. I tested him this morning. I said "Don't you want sweets?" He didn't. My other half has just walked out of the door to work so now I am on my own. I can't stand the stress of it.


I will let you know how it all goes


Karen

[crimgoddess]

karen- glad to hear that you aren't giving up on therapy even though your experiences have not been pleasant. I hope that the next person you work with will be a more positive relationship, and you will feel like you are making improvements.


Don't give up the good fight, even though it can be rough and scary at times.


And good luck today- hope your little guy is okay!


*amber*

[tcsarah]

Please don't lose heart Karen , I think you are doing really well trying to fight this thing. And you must stop telling yourself you aren't a good mum - it's obvious you love your children very much and do your very, verybest for them, as much as your phobia allows. You wouldn't critiscize somebody with an illness that prevented them doing certain things with their children, but you criticize yourself. You cannot be faulted as a mother at all - you are doing your uttermost to get better, nobody could ask for more. From all your posts I can tell you are a fighter, and one day you will beat emet I'm sure, just never give up! We are all here to help you through the ups and downs, never feel alone. I'll be thinking of you this weekend, hope it goes ok.


Take care x

[pookey30]

Thanks everyone.


He seems okay but the heat today has knocked him for six.


I had a bit of a scare with him earlier. I went to the petrol station and while I was there he talked me into getting him a Kinder egg. I told him he couldn't have it until after dinner. When we got home he looked white and handed me the egg and told me he didn't want it. So, that was it wasn't it.... there I went. Full panic stations. Oh my God. He feels s*. He is okay now so there went my irrational mind again. But, that is emetophobia isn't it. You panic at everything.


God, I hate this phobia. Give me another one that doesn't effect me with my kids.


Thanks again and I will let you know how I go with the weekend. I have checked with my niece and she is coming over tomorrow !!!!!! YEAH!!!!!


Love to you all


Karen xxx

[momof2]

Hey there,


You are not a bad mother...and if you are, then I am too! I do exactly the same thing. If I so much hear a cough or mumble through the night, I am wide awake and irrational.


Please just think of it as being one of your weaker areas. I am very good at keeping my house clean. I am just horrible at dealing with sickness. I am not trying to justify this awful phobia....but rather help us to seethat we are good in other ways.


I commend you for dealing with the Friday and Saturdays. My husband would never ever consider taking on a job that entailed that. At least you are not controlling your other half's life to the extent that he/she cannot work.





We all have our moments...hang in there.

[daffodil]

I can relate to the part about asking the kids if they want sweets. That's what I do if I'm worried something is wrong. I figure if they go for the sweet, they're ok.