So this is a long story.
There's a lot on my mind today, (my brother had broken his femur recently, he's at home now but it's a bit difficult because everything has changed and my mother has had to stay behind, and my mother works at my school which means we get to chat about a lot of things on our minds and as such I haven't been able to vent off to her) (A Levels in less than a couple of weeks) (other stuff which is kinda private) and I went home from school today, because I had god knows what, I felt n* (I'm shortening all these words for those who don't like them), and I couldn't concentrate in class, and thought "I'm gonna v*, I can't do this, not now".
My phobia has been bugging me recently, since I'm quite bad in the sensory department, i.e. the smallest bit of n* sent me into "OMG OMG OMG OMG must cure it"-ness and reaching for Extra Strong Halls or Rennies (which cured my n*). I've been having swallowing problems (most likely from anxiety) which didn't help. Basically I was in ultra panic at school and I was like "no no I can't v* here .____."
Nonetheless, after I came home (and felt better, as you do when you get home), I thought "right, that's it, I'm not letting this stupid fear beat me any longer"
Now previous to this, say a month ago, I could barely read a site about curing the phobia without thinking "hmm I feel weird now" and stopping reading it. I even had a slight bit of trouble with the word itself, I could look at it, but I didn't like it.
A week ago I managed to read a story on a forum about (a somewhat humourous) account of someone who had a v* and....well the other end.... incident on the side of the road after drinking some rotten unpastuerized drink and how the cars were all hooting him and cheering as he was kneeled on the sidewalk v*ing and sh*ing away. I have to admit, it did make me laugh, but the phobia was till there in a form.
Yet I came home and thought, "Right, that's it. I'm starting to conqour this once and for all" and typed "emetophobia" into Google. I felt about a 4 on the panic scale as I did this, but ignored it.
I found this site first (a godsend, I might say, because it started me on the journey), and started to read slowly through the treatments FAQ, worked my way through the levels of the picture thingy, and even checked the ratemyv* (and laughed at some of them). Hell, I even looked at some v*ing videos on youtube.com which I would never have been able to do before. And stopped after about 5 of them because they were all boring and too short.
In other words, in the space of about 5 hours, I've managed to come further then I ever have before with my phobia and definitely hope......no.....I KNOW I'll continue to go forth and finally pull myself out of this.
I haven't v*'d since I was 11 (I'm 18 now) but it's actually starting to scare me less and less, and you know what, it feels great! When you watch all these cartoons where the character finally turns around and faces his fear, you always think "I wish I could do that with my emetophobia" and today, I have started to do that and it feels great.
And for those of you who never think you'll get out of it, or never start to get out of it, trust me one day, you'll pull up the straps, and you'll start to move on the way to curing yourself. All it needs is effort and courage. Trust me, you can start the journey too.