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  1. #1
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    May 2006
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    So this is a long story.

    There's a lot on my mind today, (my brother had broken his femur recently, he's at home now but it's a bit difficult because everything has changed and my mother has had to stay behind, and my mother works at my school which means we get to chat about a lot of things on our minds and as such I haven't been able to vent off to her) (A Levels in less than a couple of weeks) (other stuff which is kinda private) and I went home from school today, because I had god knows what, I felt n* (I'm shortening all these words for those who don't like them), and I couldn't concentrate in class, and thought "I'm gonna v*, I can't do this, not now".

    My phobia has been bugging me recently, since I'm quite bad in the sensory department, i.e. the smallest bit of n* sent me into "OMG OMG OMG OMG must cure it"-ness and reaching for Extra Strong Halls or Rennies (which cured my n*). I've been having swallowing problems (most likely from anxiety) which didn't help. Basically I was in ultra panic at school and I was like "no no I can't v* here .____."

    Nonetheless, after I came home (and felt better, as you do when you get home), I thought "right, that's it, I'm not letting this stupid fear beat me any longer"

    Now previous to this, say a month ago, I could barely read a site about curing the phobia without thinking "hmm I feel weird now" and stopping reading it. I even had a slight bit of trouble with the word itself, I could look at it, but I didn't like it.

    A week ago I managed to read a story on a forum about (a somewhat humourous) account of someone who had a v* and....well the other end.... incident on the side of the road after drinking some rotten unpastuerized drink and how the cars were all hooting him and cheering as he was kneeled on the sidewalk v*ing and sh*ing away. I have to admit, it did make me laugh, but the phobia was till there in a form.

    Yet I came home and thought, "Right, that's it. I'm starting to conqour this once and for all" and typed "emetophobia" into Google. I felt about a 4 on the panic scale as I did this, but ignored it.

    I found this site first (a godsend, I might say, because it started me on the journey), and started to read slowly through the treatments FAQ, worked my way through the levels of the picture thingy, and even checked the ratemyv* (and laughed at some of them). Hell, I even looked at some v*ing videos on youtube.com which I would never have been able to do before. And stopped after about 5 of them because they were all boring and too short.

    In other words, in the space of about 5 hours, I've managed to come further then I ever have before with my phobia and definitely hope......no.....I KNOW I'll continue to go forth and finally pull myself out of this.

    I haven't v*'d since I was 11 (I'm 18 now) but it's actually starting to scare me less and less, and you know what, it feels great! When you watch all these cartoons where the character finally turns around and faces his fear, you always think "I wish I could do that with my emetophobia" and today, I have started to do that and it feels great.



    And for those of you who never think you'll get out of it, or never start to get out of it, trust me one day, you'll pull up the straps, and you'll start to move on the way to curing yourself. All it needs is effort and courage. Trust me, you can start the journey too.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2006
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    United States
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    179

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    congratulations!!


    it sounds like you've come miles, if you were able to look at all those pictures/videos & think about some of those stories 7 you still feel like you're doing okay, then i'd say you're doing great =)


    i don't think phobias ever really go away completely. i think, with exposure threapy & stuff you can feel better about what it is that scares you, btu it's okay if you still have days where you get freaked out. now if you do, you can think about today & say toyourself, "hey - i was alright, that day, maybe i can make it through this one too!"

    ~ bethany
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  3. #3
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    May 2006
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    I think phobias can be cured, but not as in "completely gone" but rather the link between stimulus and fear is dimished to a point where it is unnoticeable or un-fearful.

    And it's weird. Earlier today I was a bit panicky at doing my usual desensitization stuff (maybe the youtube videos I decided to watch were a bit extreme), which kinda disillisioned me a little and I thought "wow I got far yesterday and I'm behind again today" but as the day went on I managed to watch a few without feeling anything.

    It's weird, I can watch some, and I don't think "they're v*ing". I just think "hmm, they just look like they're spitting out a huge drink or something". Probably because I've watched it a couple of times, and one of the things that freaks me out about v* is the uncertainty of how much, when, etc, and with videos it's easy to stop it, rewind it, and all sorts.

    IT feels weird to actually be doing something with it as opposed to just letting it sit and grow and grow and reaching for the Rennies/Mints every time I feel even the slightest bit of stomach ache.

    Although (no offence meant to anyone) it's good to know I'm not too badly in the emetophobia thing, and finding this site has let me do a little bit of thinkign here and there about it.

    Anyhow, this is like my second day of tackling it (without a therapist or anything, unless I want a crazy spanish one (we're an english family living in spain)) but but it feels weird and somewhat self satisfying to actually be doing SOMETHING about it, i.e. making myself watch a couple of videos of drunken v*ing until the panic goes down every day or couple of days.

    But yeah, it feels good to know I'm not the only emetophobe here [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img] Edited by: xexxhoshi

  4. #4
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    May 2006
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    Oh wow oh wow I rule!

    Okay, so I get up this morning and the dog was outside with it's head to the ground outside the sliding door thingies, and my mother was all "hmm the dog's gonna v*"

    And I was like "hmm". Then it started to make "those" noises, and my initial reaction was to quietly slip away. But I thought "No! I'm gonna stay here and watch! Damn you fear you're not gonna get the better of me"

    And the dog finally v*, (like a tiny bit) and my mother was all like "argh where is the mop and bucket" and I could see it so I said "Allow me!" and I went and cleaned it up with the mop and bucket.

    I knew a week ago I would have just quietly slipped away while the dog V*'ed and waited for someone else to clean it up while ruminating over the fact that the dog v*ed and not let it leave my mind for at least half an hour but I actually watched and cleaned it up! w00t! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img] Edited by: xexxhoshi

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
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    United Kingdom
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    well done

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
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    United States
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    Where do you live in Spain? And do you speak fluent Spanish? I ask this because I was on an exchange to Spain with a few people from my school two months ago, and it was amazing! But we knew Spanish very well, so that made it easier.


    Congrats! I'm sure that you can continue making progress like that. keep us updated!


    <3 Anya--
    PM me for contact info such as skype, email, or facebook. Thanks!

  7. #7
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    I live in Valencia, which is the third largest city and in the south-east of Spain. And I wouldn't say I'm not super ultra 100% fluent, but I'm getting there, especially for having to have self studied for a couple of years while my (rubbish international) school was being useless about Spanish teachers. D:

    And thanks for the congrats everyone. [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

    I'm gonna try and watch a few more youtube clips today to get myself a little more desensitized and stuff. >_>

    EDIT

    hmm......weird. I can handle some things some part of the day, other things other parts of the day. It's weird. I could handle the dog thing this morning, yet ratemyv* is freaking me out a little again (maybe because I'm getting worse pics than before). It's confusing.

    (To be honest I really should be aiming to tackle this phobia properly after my exams (first one next monday, and then few and far between throughout May and June, since exam stress + fear conquering don't bode well)

    But does anyone else get this randomity thing going on? >_> I need to get myself one of them therapy people one day when I can so S/he can attack this thing properly. >_> But still, small progress is progress, and I know I'm gonna be cured one way or another.

    EDIT II

    Hmmm, after I watch a few clips which make me [img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img] a bit and I get somewhat desensitized to them, but afterwards I notice my legs ached. I told my mother (who knows about me slowly trying to treat myself somehow) and she was like "it's probably anxiety". I was like "hmm do you think I should leave this until after my exams?" and she was all "yeah I think that'd be a good idea" and I thought to myself just to get a little bit of desensitizing here and there on calm days. Not to overdo it (which is probably why my legs were almost dead last night [img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img] )Edited by: xexxhoshi

 

 

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